casino_stripper's Xanga

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Wed, 16 May 2007 20:46:29 GMT

http://www.xanga.com/pseudo_socialite

I may or may not resubscribe but I'll be checking my updates from here daily so don't fret!

I needed a clean break. My blog will, as well, probably be neglected. I just wanted a new start. So new xanga? Yes. Am I a loser? A hardXcore loser.

getting a new xanga soon OR

Wed, 16 May 2007 20:26:04 GMT

Going back to bleu orchid. I was reading it just now. It made me happy. I found this post and I had to share it with you. It's from September 13, 2005. Enjoy.

So today was fun. Went to Michelle's after school. The point of this was to plan our party (>.<) but instead Jason came over so we all hung out because we're all so freakin' cool (right). But that was really awesome.

Then I came home and found out that a bunch of people are pissed at me. And a bunch of people who are my "friends" are lying homos incapable of feeling anything for anyone but themselves.

So to those of you who are self-absorbed: I don't want your artificial interest around me. If you don't really care don't pretend like you do you cunts.

And to those of you who are pissed and me and think I'm a stupid whore and a bitch and a fucking asshole: FUCK YOU. Don't act all mad at me because you screwed up and don't act mad at me because your "friends" are.

Eff this stuff man. This is the only time you're gonna see this have any affect on me, and to be completely honest I think you're all fucking immature, insecure, drama loving assholes for going along with this and I laugh at you. Ha-ha-fucking-ha.

~*~You Will Be The Death Of Me~*~

i haven't slept a single night in over a month

Wed, 16 May 2007 18:26:22 GMT

and not even once did you start to make sense to me.
<3 Hot Hot Heat

It was a perfectly shitty day. I don't mean that in an oxymoronic way but I suppose it is anyways. On to other matters...

It was a shitty day. It rained and I walked home in it. My mom and I aren't on speaking terms AT ALL anymore. I basically told her that I was sick of her telling me I was a bitch and cunt and making me feel bad about myself all the time and beating on my self esteem (this was after she told me I wasn't emotionally stable enough to drive a car.... right... I'm the emotionally unstable one out of the two of us... I know I'm crazy but come on; I know when I need to do something about it and I'm not like... her).

I can honestly say I wasn't mean about it. I was next to tears and I told her I was done talking about all of this and she kept going and I opened our back door and said "Either you can leave this room or I can but I'm done talking to you about this" and she told me not to come around her for the rest of the night and left.

Forgive me for standing up for myself. Forgive me for trying to be positive and feel better about myself. Forgive me for not liking to be told I'm insecure and emotionally unstable and a bitch and a cunt and forgive me for not putting up with it anymore.

I won't be made to feel like that anymore because I'm soo much fucking better than that. I'm smart. I'm driven (when I want something that is). I'm pretty. I'm somewhat amusing. =] I'm def. little and cute. I'm charming, apparently. I'm pretty much awesome most of the time. And I'm trying to make it even more of the time and be more upbeat.

And I'm sick of her harshing my mellow, mans.

And people wonder why I'm never home. Gosh. Here's your reason folks. Honestly, I'd much rather be around my boys and my chicas anyday. Even the ones that make me feel ugly (my gorgeous chick friends) and the ones that make me feel stupid sometimes (my amazingly smart guy friends).

They always cheer me up and tell me I'm cute and they love me and we laugh and sneak around and lie and have many inside jokes and eat ice cream and skate/longboard and play music and instruments and go to the park and to the diner and take pictures and go for walks and tan at Thornwald and go to the mall and just rock.

My friends > your friends. Kthnxbye.

You wouldn't even know a diamond if you held it in your hand. The things you think are precious I can't understand.

You've been telling me you were a genius since you were 17...

I was fine before you walked into my life. Cause you know it was over before it began...

Wed, 16 May 2007 07:00:19 GMT

Just let me have my fun tonight.

School? I think not... Ew. Tonight? I think so? Tomorrow morning if not tonight. Tomorrow? Oh who knows.

Summer? Epic. Friends? Amazing.

Me? Pyschotic obv.

i dream it's true but id see it through if i could be wasting my time with you

Tue, 15 May 2007 21:26:02 GMT

Saddest Phish song ever. =/ But I love it.

I felt that needed addressed. PS I tried to listen to Primus again just because I was on limewire looking for random music. But alas, that voice... No. I just can't do it.

Nate came over. We watched Gilmore Girls. (Hehe Nate... He only watched it when I made him shut up. But he still watched it? So I get to laugh. Travie!)

I should do homework, make phone calls and lay down.

Come waste your time with me.

ramsey, aduaro, valencia

Tue, 15 May 2007 18:41:03 GMT

1] I'm dying. Still don't know what's wrong with my eye but as it's gotten worse so has my health. My lungs (and voice) are fuxd up and I'm congested as hell (hello inhaler and flonase... so we meet again). I was running a fever when I came home today. My eye is green and red and purple (at least 3 people just this afternoon asked me if I had been wearing green eyeshadow today and Erin R. asked me this morning if I was wearing red eyeliner).

2] Those names? Catepillars. (Yes it's aduardo not eduardo btw.) Valencia is the little one. (Wouldn't it be cool if my name was Valencia?)

3] I don't wanna go to school tomorrow BUT after this week I really only have to do work in math because I'M EXEMPT FROM EVERY OTHER FINAL! (Excitement.)

4] BIG plans for this summer. =] I'm gonna be gone for at least 2 weeks and two days (not straight) and maybe more. 'Specially once I get my license (I'm taking us ALL to the beach for at least a day. And I mean all. The whole group... Which happens to be mostly guys... I promise not to play bad music in the car.)

Sooo I'm gonna go put some songs on iTunes, take a shower, clean my room some, do homework, watch the series finale of Gilmore Girls (possibly in reverse order those last two), make my usualy evening phone calls, and go to bed.

BTW, good luck to Nick, Jason and Ian at history day tomorrow. pwn n00bs.

my ridiculous friends

Mon, 14 May 2007 22:51:18 GMT

I haven't had a minute alone and now I fear my math homework will be done in French (no biggie) and Animal Farm won't get the attention it deserves.

Carrie came over right after school. We took my application in to Dickinson (the head of red shirt, I guess, is off today and tomorrow but I may see him Wednesday if slash when we take Carrie's application in). Then we went for our weekly ice cream. Along the way we encountered Rachael Smith leaning out her window (she heard us... we're loud) and saw Nate down the alley (he pushed us on the longboard, yay!). And I got a no smoking sign. =]

So then we came home and layed here (we were beat). As soon as Carrie left I made some dinner and called other Carrie. Nate called so I called him back. And he was bored but I couldn't chill just then. So I called Carrie back. Then Nate quick. I layed down and went to put my head phones on and then Jason walked in. So I chilled with him for a bit. After he left I hopped in the shower. I got online to start something and Nate called and said he was outside. So he came and chilled for like half an hour (we decided this summer we'd go on adventures!). And then I told him he should leave (homework + I wanna be in bed by 11, even though 10 would've been nicer) but of course it's us so we kept talking. So then Jason called me. Nate found Jason's key for him and left. I talked to Jason for a few minutes and now here I am.

A fairly good day over all. There's been tension in my house but I'm staying positive (as I can plus with a little help from my friends).

I need to clean my room and call Katie, but neither tonight. I equal need sleep.

Emily and I are going to throw pots soon (on the wheel). Maybe it'll work forrealz this time. =]

Decidedly, I'm saving a little money for car insurance, getting my license, then Carrie Barnhizzle and I are buying a car. =] (I'm looking into a 1975 chevy nova. It's $300.) Then phone, then whatevs in whatever order. My first paycheck should be a little more than $140 (according to Laura). Well, if I get hired. But I don't see why I wouldn't?

Mom needs to resign my work permit and then I can start. I'm excited to an insane degree.

This summer is gonna be amazing. And for once I feel like I've got control over my life. And I mean no, I don't. But I pretty much do what I want when I want with who I want and I've got a good hold on things. I'm getting better at staying postive and now I'm gonna have money.

I dunno what else to say. I'm rather content.

and if you can't be with one you love, honey, love the one you're with

Sun, 13 May 2007 16:02:26 GMT

Tan lines, abs, AC, cell phone, iPod, books... Yes I think I'm ready for summer.

I think I told myspaces but not xangans... I'm [hopefully] moving out this summer. Can you say apartment?

Not sure how the parentals will take that yet, or if it's gonna happen. But at the least once if an apartment is acquired (no, duh, I wouldn't be living alone) I'll be spending the majority of summer there.

I'm hitting Knoebel's at least once, the beach with Carrie Brit. probably for two weeks, maybe with other Carrie for like a week, maybe with Laura but maybe not, and hopefully Warped Tour in July. Plus I should start working late this week or next week so... Excited? Yes I am.

I'm gonna get a new phone first (verizon). Then I'm putting some away for my phone bill. Then, in random order, new motherboard for my laptop (I was gonna get a new laptop but... well maybe... it just depends cause I loved my old one), new iPod, and a car. =]

Car = several hundred dollars + gas money + insurance money.

By December I plan on being pretty free and THAT'S exciting.

muffins? huh? muffins? huh? muffins! oh! no. cries

Sun, 13 May 2007 12:59:36 GMT

So it's mother's day. My eye is swollen half shut (worse than last night cause it looked normal then). My throat hurts and my lungs hurt (I shouldn't have been out in the rain last night, but Justin picked me up cause he rocks).

Sooo last night was sucky but then Steph came over and it was good but then I fell asleep (I'm sorry. Ily!).

I came to a realization this morning. I'm happy. V. happy? Well maybe. But def. happy never the less.

1984 is still a good book. ('Cept now there needs to be an updated version... since robots are gonna be the end of us.)

Hm... I'm boring. I have nothing good to say as of right now.

Stadium arcadium...

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:52:26 GMT

It was a RHCP day.

Sarah and I went to a bar yesterday.

I think I forgot that in my post and that was something I def. wanted to put there. It was like 5 o'clock. I like bars.

My dad was out till 8 this morning apparently. My mom's pissed. He's.... falling apart.

I hate this week, but yesterday was good.