Currently Listening Morning View By Incubus see related

it's recently come to my attention that i have become the crazy cat lady. i have insisted on giving all the cats/kittens on our street, outrageous names. we now permanently have a cat, named squishy, who has a broken neck, and crossed eyes, who never leaves..he love us. i can't believe i've become the crazy cat lady at almost 17.....let's call guiness book

so, i can never sleep past ten, and i don't know why. it doesn't even matter if i went to bed at eight at night, or six in the morning, i can't sleep past ten. i don't even need an alarm....i just always wake up.

so, things are.......confusing/depressing lately....i don't know why. i've gotten into the habbit of doing the same routines over an over again, just to get by. i hate it. i don't even know what to do anymore.

i'm trying to become more dedicated to reading my Bible, and praying everyday. i've realized that it's something not to be taken lightly. i am not a good christian, i need to work on that.

on another note, mission trip really depressed me.....everyone on the sight would talk about how we/they/you were so happy to be sharing God's love with everyone, in all aspects. but when we would get to the rooms at night, the talk was about all the big party's back home this weekend, and who has sex with who, and what the best ciggarettes are.....needless to say i wasn't suprised why my nickname in the group was "prude"......although my response to why i'm so crazy and fun (without drinking), was that i don't need all that to have a good time.....

i don't understand how you can care about someone so much, but completely give up on them, and the relationship in general. i've realized that you can't make someone love you back. so now i just have to figure out how to get over it. it's something that will never be, his decision.

my birthday's coming up, in four days. i'm not really that excited to tell you the truth. i know what i want to do, but i know when i ask, it will be a no, and i will be heartbroken/even more depressed on my birthday. i don't even give a crap about presents anymore.....

i love you caitlin. you help me get through everyday.

-cath