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Dear God

I've been at my job for just over a year now.  To commemorate my anniversary I'm going to post something that I wrote a couple of weeks before taking the position.  It was a protected post.  Normally I try to write humorous or sarcastic anecdotes.  This really isn't, but it fits the mood I'm in.  I feel comfortable posting this now because I know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

God-

It feels kinda weird talking to you through xanga, but we both know that I'm not the best at talking to you in any venue, except maybe song...Is that why I'm supposed to do this?  Am I doing the right thing?  Am I hearing you correctly?  Am I hearing you at all?  You would let me know if I was screwing this up, right?

I wrote my letter of resignation today.  That was kind of hard to do.  I mean, I'm excited to do this for you, I really am, but it was still hard.  It still is hard.  I've worked for this company for a long time and I've made a really good reputation for myself.  I'm in a prime position to make some serious advancement within the next year, like 20-30K a year more type of advancement...but I'll give it up.  I really feel like it's what you want...so why do I feel so sad?  Where are these tears coming from, this isn't like me?! 

Quitting my job and taking this new position is a HUGE step of faith, and Lord, I'm not that good at faith...I mean I have faith in that I believe in you and salvation, but I struggle with the faith of letting you have control and trusting that you'll take care of me.  Will I struggle like my parents are struggling?  Because if so, I don't know if I have what it takes.  You said that you wouldn't put me through anything that I couldn't handle with your help...I'll have to believe that won't I.  I'll have to trust that you were telling the truth.

Please help me, Lord.  Please give me assurance that I'm following the trail you've designed for me and not one I'm trying to blaze on my own.  I guess it wouldn't be faith if I had 100% assurance, right?  I feel at peace about this, Lord.  If I were making the wrong choice I would feel a lot more apprehensive, right?  I feel at peace...but still sad...I hope the sadness wears off when I start the new position. 

Dear AirTran-

You really, really, really suck.  I'm tempted to not even use the free roundtrip flight you gave me, but since I know it will cost you money, I think I'm going to.

Sincerely hoping your airline goes out of business (after I take my free flight),

CJ

I think I have a problem...  I eat way too much Applebee's...  I know, I know, it's horrible.  I feel so ashamed and dirty.  The many of the waitstaff there know me by name and a few even remember that I drink tons of sweet tea.  In fact Leslie (one of the best) just brings me a pitcher of sweet tea and sits it on the table.  If they had a swimming pool full of tea I would just put a straw in that and gulp away.

However, sometimes the tea tastes like they replaced the teabags with an unwashed dog that's been marinading in sewage.  When that happens I kindly request a Pepsi to replace the putrid tea.  I know the waitresses just love it when I do that...

And here's a thought for my local Applebee's kitchen staff... How about if you actually cook what people order.  I know it may be difficult to cook things correctly, what with your obvious illiteracy and all, but maybe you could please just try...once.  The other day I was at Applebee's and I ordered a Roasted Turkey ciabatta.  This was to include roasted turkey (I know it's hard to believe, but it's true.) applewood smoked bacon, fresh tomato slices, cheese, red onions,and mayo on nice ciabatta roll. 

Well, of course, I couldn't order the sandwich as it normally comes (who does that, really).  I ordered it without onions.  I hate onions... despise them... loathe them...  So, of course, I was a smidge dismayed to discover my luscious sounding sandwich bedecked with the most pungent of onions.  Needless to say I asked my waitress, who assured me she had put the order in the computer correctly, to take the sandwich back and get me a new one.  She graciously (and wisely) agreed to do so.  A few minutes later my new sandwich arrived without the onions.  Coincidentally, it was also missing the bacon...and the tomatoes...and the mayo.  essentially I went to Applebee's and paid them to serve me a turkey and cheese sandwich.  Who needs condiments anyway?!  Anyone who knows me understands how bashful I am about asking for things like this to be corrected, but don't worry.  I managed to work up the courage to tell the waitress that my sandwich was still not correct.  She said the kitchen was preparing to close and was getting kind of cranky (boy I was super concerned about their mood.  Maybe i should have sent back a Midol with my last incorrect sandwich).  She went back to chat with them.  When she returned she said they had refused to make a new sandwich.  Lucky me though, she was able to wrestle some tomatoes slices, bacon bits, and a bottle of squeeze Mayo away from the kitchen.... hmmmm... let me think about this... You screw up my first sandwich with onions, then you make my second sandwich with only half the ingredients.... and now I'm supposed to put together my meal with pieces you scraped together in the back?!?! Really!?!?!  I didn't even get real bacon slices...  they were little bacon bits...  If I wanted to make my own freakin' sandwich I would have stayed home...and I would have used actual bacon slices.  I certainly wouldn't have paid ten dollars to do it. 

Next time I go to Applebee's I'll have to check at the door to see if the Special Olympics are still running the kitchen.  I mean really... Who do they hire for the kitchen?  Did they just take the people that McDonald's rejected?  What were they looking for in potential kitchen staff?  

Applebee's Manager to potential new employee:  Geez it looks like you're drooling just enough and thus far I haven't understood a word you've mumbled, but I think you're perfect to work in our kitchen.  Don't worry about what people actually order.  Just put whatever you want on their plate, and the server will have to try and fix it with whatever she can scrape off of the floor around our salad prep area.

 At least at home I know the tea is good.