I wasn't all that prepared for Bible study tonight...at the end of the week, my brain usually just feels like mush. Nothing is coming out, and just a little is going in.
In the past few months, It's been a pattern of mine to get through the week to get through the door of church on Friday night and plop down in a chair next to Steph or Becky. I attempt to listen intently and take diligent notes long enough to find a poignant challenge to chew on. I think about it during small group but as soon as I climb in bed, its already a thought of the past. On a good Saturday morning, I will revisit the Bible (at the neighborhood Coffee Bean) and try to catch up on the last few chapters of Leviticus that I should have read earlier that week.
Today however, but I was really challenged through the sharing time in our small groups to consider how much I missed out on by not working through the sermons and the teaching times that I am have been so blessed to receive. Sometimes it feels like an overflow of information that will just make more work for me, more effort to build up disciplines to fight sin... and rightfully so as my sinful heart is being exposed more and more. Then it makes sense - its no wonder that trying to apply the principles of the Bible seem impossible...it's no wonder that my pride is hurt and I start criticizing people when things don't go the way I planned or when people don't react the way I hope... it's no wonder that selfishness and folly rear their ugly heads in my life because I'm not living in light of the gospel...it's no wonder that I keep sinning. As Jenie was sharing about her own struggles, my favorite verse from this summer popped back up in my mind:
For bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. (1 Timothy 8:4)
Discipline is necessary for godliness... and to say it plainly I've been lacking all sorts of discipline in my life...I know that I need to pray. Pray, pray pray.
Prayer Request #1 & #2:
"
The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom,
And before honor comes
humility." (Proverbs 15:33) <-- to grow in both of those things
Prayer Request #3:
"The plans of the heart belong to man,
But
the answer of the tongue is from the LORD." (Proverbs 16:1)
There are several pending changes in my life and several decisions that I'll need to make but rather than neglecting my time with The Lord, I need to seek Him more instead of making my own way for my own plans. Having established that I have a sinful heart, how can I possibly depend on that to guide my life? How can my wisdom compare with that of the Almighty God? It can't!
So really, this all points me back to the wonder of God choosing to
save someone such as me, truly, a pitiful sinner through the sacrifice of His perfect son, Christ. In his mercy, I hope, know and can rejoice
that by His grace, his strength is perfect in weakness. I just need to run hard - to glory in my redeemer... it's the only thing in life that really matters. To remind me, my memory verse of the week is Acts 20:24 -
But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself so that I may finish my course and the ministry which i received from the Lord Jesus in order to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.