changed_for_the_better07's Xanga

Monday, September 12, 2005

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 15:53:33 GMT

NEW XANGA:

BoundNoMore

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 21:20:57 GMT

Pooped. I am zonked.

I had an amazing Labor day. Me and J Dubbs went out to lunch. Afterwards we proceeded to the mall and talked and layed in LUV SACS (heh I kind of flew on the vinyl haha). We then got a 6 month early baby present! Yes! I yet again was in the baby section. I swear I DON'T have a kid. Then me and J Dubbs went to his house. Hung out and all that jazz and made cookies! I know so masculine. We dropped off the present at the best youth pastor and wife in the entire world's house. We went to dinner with them too! Fun fun. Then me and J Dubbs came to my pad and burned CD's. A very eventful day. I needed it.

I am reflecting on the day. Last night I was attacked by fears and apprehensions. God again was so faithful and I made it through another day in my new school. God's amazing.

After a LONG day at school I came home drove to my studio and taught and then danced in my dance company.

UGH I can't go on the retreat next weekend b/c of work and my voice lesson. Total bummer. But I have Mexico to look forward too!

I love you guys, I know I say that a lot but I do!

May God be with you

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 13:30:56 GMT

Love

That four letter word. So simple, yet so complex. It is the basis of everything in this life. Trace it back to love. Everyone longs for those three sacred words wrapped around their finger. "I love you". Sadly, society has watered down the meaning, its as if they dropped it into the ocean. Every plot, every song, every life, everyone is searching for love. Here's a beautiful song from the broadway show "Brooklyn the musical" It shows everyone wants any form of love.

Brooklyn The Musical Soundtrack Lyrics

- Raven Lyrics

Goliath was a giant..
Taught and mean
David was a sweetheart
Squeaky Clean
But it still takes two
To tell that story
So i'll play my part
And in all my glory

I'll fly.. like a raven
In a sky of doves
I'll make you love, to hate me
But that's still love
It's still love

Love is what i want
Love is what i need
You see beneath this suit of armor
I still bleed
I still bleed

He used to hold me like a flower
Kiss me, oh, so slow
And we talk about forever
But that was long ago

And now forever's just a place
In someone else's story
And though my heart still breaks
I'm gonna find my glory

And fly like a raven
In a sky of doves
I'll make you love to hate me
But that's altight because it's still love
It's still love

Love is what i want
Love is what is need
You see beneath this suit of armor
I still bleed
So i'll fly just like a raven
In a sky of doves
I'll make you love.. to hate me
But that's all still love
It's still love

Love is what i want!
Love is what i need!
You see beneath this suit of armor,
I still bleed!
Oh, I,
I, Still bleed..

Love you guys, I am off of *COUGH* in 8 days....

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 21:17:14 GMT

So my second day of school I came home and cried. I hadn't cried about everything that has happened in the last 6 months. I finally got it out...finally. After that I had to rush to my dance studio to teach. Afterwards I skipped company and went to my boy Sam's 18th b-day party. It was so much fun. I REALLY needed it after a emotionaly draining day. I had a blast, God has given me amazing friends.

My third day was pretty amazing. Before I left I gave it to God and asked for joy. Wow, he gave it in abundance. I talked to all the people in all of my hours. Ate lunch with people! No more loner asian who eats in his car reading. I had like a couple asian girls hardcore hitting on me...yeah it was a little awkward. They turned out to be really cool. And yes, I thought I would NEVER say this, but the asian's at Everett are beautiful! WOW-O like hott with a double t. A girl that was the first one to say a word to me at Everett, I felt that God was calling me to her. He was and shes a great girl. So what if I hung out with people who society thinks are worthless, they were true, genuine kids. Love my classes taking performing arts classes and honors classes as well as FORENSIC SCIENCE! I get to go to a REAL crime scene and figure it out for my final. SO AWESOME. So in my 6th hour I had an amazing talk talk about God and abortion. It was pretty sweet.

Pilot season is starting! Gods going to do something. I know he is. He used last pilot season to prepare me. Casting directors here I come! I am taking LA by storm.

PS I am drinking an orgasmically delicious Jones Soda.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 20:03:51 GMT

So thanks to all who prayed for me today.

All and all it was an eventful but good day. I woke up, and stopped at Beaners on the way there. Yum, a warm teddy bear to wake you up! Got there, registered, and proceeded to find my locker. Saw two people I knew from theatre. Of course my locker DIDN'T open. First hour was Honors English, should be a cool class. Second Hour is US History. My teacher is just one of those over baring people, that if you get on their good side can be cool. He ranted and raved about how "I WAS A VIETNAM VET!!!!" Third hour was Advanced Drama. Knew a girl in their from crossroads. Shes a christian so thats awesome. Talked to a new Jr., her name is Angela, and we have like everything in common. We had mutual friends too. She's in the biz as well. I went to Mccdonalds for lunch. I had a whole hour! I sat in my car and read my "Extreme for Jesus" book. Which was cool. Fourth hour was Geometry, the teacher is a over zealous, proud, loud, afro-centric woman. She likes do publically degrade people as a joke. That should be a really patience building class. Fith hour was French 3. Met cool kids, everyone was nice. And Sixth hour Forensic science. I am pretty psyched about this class. For our exam we get to go to a REALY crime scene and lift prints and figure out the case and all that jazz.

I know God will use me...I know.

Luv you guys!

God bless

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 17:37:34 GMT

Sweaty palms

Clammy fists

Butterflies won't easily quit

God, why does this have to happen to me?

I wish I could have a rest

To not have the world ripped from under me

Twisting hallways and new surroundings

Broken lockers

Swarming masses

The hugs

The laughter

The return to those who you love

Here I am

Does anyone see me?

Trying not to break down

You can feel the tears well inside of you

But you don't want others to look at you

Breathing deeply, calling on God

Turns down the wrong hallway

Running into people you don't know

They see right through me

Father give me strength

Give me the faith to trust you

Let me show them your love

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 22:24:31 GMT

So tonight was great. I had a blast. The last HOORAH of the summer. I can't believe its over, summer is gone! I was supposed to go to dance. I was feeling like I needed to majorly reboot emotionally, so I went to bible study. I am so glad I did. It was amazing. I had fun, for the first time in awile. The people's house if out of control. They have like a beach/lake thing. Oh yeah it was hott. Water trampoline, water slide, and blob. Then randomly once we were out and dry, at like 8:45 we went back in. Haha.

I start school Monday. I am so nervous...yet I have faith God will use me.

I shot in Ann Arbor for the past three days. The pictures look good. I got the Motorola pics back if you want to see them holla and I'll e-mail them to you.

I perform in the Meridian Mall Sunday. 3:00-3:30 is when it starts. You should check it out.

Here's some sweet pictures:

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 21:51:25 GMT

My body kills...dance dance dance. Teaching, dancing three days a week, a total of 10-11 hours yeah.

My schedule for the next year is oging to be INSANE!

Pray for me guys, God is doing amazing things but of course things are being thrown my way to trip me up.

I shot for the "Eat for life" Campaign. I shoot w/them tomorrow as well as Thursday.

Pilot seasons coming up and I feel Gods really got something in store.

Love you all

God bless

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 01:50:40 GMT

~April’s Crimson Tears~

I see them lying in the streets

Their blood stained hands and dirty feet

And how can I ignore them?

I see your smile and hear your giddy laugh

But beneath your facade I see your tears

You try so desperately to hide that you’re weak

Sometimes being weak is not defeat

You tell me you’re tired

You’re scared to be alone

You know you deserve better

But you’re scared to let go

Let go of the one you once thought was better

I see the bruises

I see the scares

And my heartbreaks

I’ve seen through you this whole time

But had to stand back and watch you fall

Fall before you’d let me into your world

Your world you once thought was secret

But did you see me?

Did you see me crying for you?

Yearning for you to grasp my outstretched hand

Take my hand and let me lead you to the one

The one who’s been standing there longer than I

Who loves you more than I

Dear friend

My father cares for you infinitely more

He’s been there through out everything

He has sent out angels for you

To bring you home

Through the rape, he was there

Through the sleepless nights in a boarding school, he was there

Through the numerous attempted suicides, he was there

Through every cut, he was there

He was there wiping away your blood

Weeping that he has to see you-his child-go through this

His blood drenched hand outstretched to you

To wrap you in his arms

See the holes in his hands

They are there for you

It was his gift

For you

Please let down your guards

It’s okay to ask for help

I love you

But your heavenly father loves you unfathomably more

Let his love wash you away

Cleanse your wounds

Drown in his love and grace

Walk through his waterfall of mercy

Feel refreshed

Feel renewed

Feel his love

You are his child

Go forth and live, live through him

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 22:01:44 GMT

So its official; I am enrolled and going to attend a new school in the fall. I am so scared...yes, I have more opportunities there. Its a performing arts school but I know no one. I know it won't be hard for me to make friends...but still, I don't know what I want. Do I want to be a part of the "In" crowd? Or someone who just is transparent and drifts unseen through the crowd. I do know something. I am not going to be ashamed about who I am, and who my God is. Father I know you have sent me here to be a light, please father use me. Help me to make an impact, a change. Help me always to remember I am your servant.

I just get restless here. I know what I can do, what I can achieve through Christ. Its just me being impatient as usual. I am ready to soar. LA and NY here I come.

Watched a great movie tonight. "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" It really makes you think.