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| i will posses your heartuuuuggggghhhhh
here's the news
my dad is having surgery on oct 1st.
i just want my dad back.
the strong guy who could do all the little things around the house without taking a four hour nap in between.
my eyes hurt from holding in the tears.
i'm now an official for cape youth tackle football.
i love it to death.
4-7 graders and 2-3 graders have to be the cutes things ever.
i could do that all day, especially since it pays 20-30 bucks that day.
and i get to be with the best of the boys. <3
on the boy front
i love me some cute drunk guys but i have to admit i miss austin more and more
it hurts somethin fierce to see his brothers, have mom talk about him, have kacie go see him, watch football with out him, not have the feeling of someone close to me on the couch
i think i just might break the rule i myself made, and go see him for fall break..
you know i won't but i still think about it..
this week is going to be shit.
papers due, two hard test, and french is all weighing me down.
there better be something good this weekend is all i gotta say
ugh. life. <3
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| so, it sucksi'm having the worst week.
my dad has cancer, austin is making me a mess, patrick needs to get here and give me some attention, and i hate college. so yeah. maybe i'll elaborate later? much later
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| a bed of balloonsi had a wonderful birthday but this isnt about that at all.
i wish it was something happy to brighten your day but sad movies were on and got me goin..something always does..
Dearest love,
so much pain
i can feel it through your eyes
i wish i could say i don't feel the same
it's in us all, in different ways
these emotions swirl around me, confusing my brain
bi-polar in the worst way
i've lost it, passion for life
i don't know where it went.
it's near
i think real hard and change my mind too many times
there's nothing wrong here
but i'm still unhappy
there's nothing here for me but tears
you've go thte world in your hands,
you've just been waiting for them to hand over the red button to start.
i can't stand on my own
i've got a good head on my shoulders but my feet won't take me anywhere.
i don't know where this ends
but i hope something starts soon.
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| goodbye my almost loverwell. that's over
so i took the easy way out.
do you blame me?
and i kinda felt bad but after what he said to betty i don't.
i hope he wasn't bluffing. but even if he was, i still don't really care..
i'm so relived it's done.
i'm excited for this week.
everyone comes home
including garrett..
i hope we have fun
maybe now i can start a new chapter in life. | | |
| c'monalright. new month! basically, not really yet but by the time i get done..
i love august. i love fall
i don't however love paying for college
kevin's home! along with his girlfriend hee-joueng (joung? joneg? idk)
she's super cool for not speaking hardly any english at all :)
i've learned key-moi is eww and eeee is good and cho is kiss ...
pretty good huh?
well soo austin update, not that you need one
i'm having the worst time, i can only hope patrick had this hard of a time breaking up with me..
it's so bad. i want him to be apart of my life i just don't want to love him right now..
maybe when i'm old and ready for a long relationship
but i just want to have fun
and that's deffinatly not an option with him, which is bad.
i can only hope something happens where he won't see me for the bad person i am but still realize im no good..
i really want to be even a worse person and tell mike or matt and have them *slip* and tell austin so i get dumped..
garrett mcmillan has been a huge relief in all this
i've been talking to him non stop and he doesn't mind which is nice because i know you all get tired of the topic..
and he gets to dish out about hillary the eqivilent to me..
oh i just want football to start..
speaking of.. russell is going to college with the son of espn's ceo person!!! how cool. i'm way jealous.
okay well i think i'll stop for now.. maybe i'll try some icons on my new apple and see if it works.. | | |
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