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choir_of_whores
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read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: huh!
Country: United States
State: Kansas
Metro: Overland Park
Birthday: 11/5/1991
Gender: Male
Interests: I am really not a very interesting person. However, I am interested in many things such as the Pixies, The New Pornographers, The Residents, Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, Robert Crumb, Of Montreal, The Fiery Furnaces, The Violent Femmes, Tom Waits, Ween, and a lot of other bands that I am not going to take the effort to type.
Expertise: What expertise?
Occupation: Military
Industry: Real Estate
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  thnikkaikkaman
Member Since:
12/15/2004
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| Best Day Ever | | |
| So you gave up on this site...You thought, "Oh, Kyle's a lazy bastard. He's done with this site."
Guess again! I decided to post an update on how my summer is going just
in case anybody gives a shit, which I'm pretty sure you don't.
So basically, I'm very happy to be done with middle school. I could say
I'll miss everyone, but I probably won't. The people I like I'll be
seeing again and the people I don't can kiss my ass. Next year is going
to blow, along with high school in general. Not to mention that summer
vacation gets shorter every year thanks to the dipshit in the white
house. Ah well.
Other than the impending doom of next year, I'm very very happy.
Incredibly happy. The happiest I've been in a long time. The world may
be full of a lot of awful things, but with the risk of sounding corny,
the world is a beautiful place. I enjoy being alive immensely at the
moment.
I've spent almost all of the summer so far with Cheyenne, which is fine
with me. I never get tired of her, though I do get tired of her sisters.
Okay, this is taking too long, so here's a list of 10 things that have happened over the summer:
- I stayed up for 42 hours in a row
- I have been kissed 598 times
- I thought about trains
- I bought rickety 60's moonshoes at the thrift store and twisted my ankle trying to use them
- I very nearly died 3 times
- I threw pudding at George and then he tried to kill me with a shovel
- I caught a bunch of lightning bugs with Cheyenne, and we named all of them Milton
- I thought about death, which made me sad, but I was happy after I ate a popsicle.
- I wrote a song about Jesus
- I made plans to fly to California to meet Les Claypool at a book signing of his
That's about it. Enjoy, puppies.
-Kyle
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| The Tale of the Stolen PenisI haven't updated in a long, long time. I know this. But this epic tale has moved me to do so:
A couple of days ago, a bunch of rowdy kids in performance were lurking around the hallways, opening lockers. When one of the lockers was flung open, the children were greeted with a nose hair burning stench. Inside the reeking locker lay a solid white phallus made of an indeterminable substance. Upon finding this, there was an awful lot of giggling and kicking the penis around. It was suggested that they steal it, but nobody had the balls (no pun intended) to carry out the act. Until I heard about it. I was determined to take that penis and own a piece of school history.
During english class, I asked to be excused to the bathroom. I dashed down the stairs and towards the locker, only to be greeted by a hallway of kids. I didn't care. I casually strolled up to the locker and I grabbed that penis, stuffed it in my pocket and ran.
So now I have the penis. It has a nice home in my cabinet drawer. Upon close inspection, it appears to be made out of Crayola Model Magic.
There is a price to pay for stealing this glorious, towering phallus, however. When I stole him from his happy home in the locker, he became quite angry and prone to biting. He hates being alone and often insists on riding in my pants. Look for yourself:
That's all for now. Enjoy.
-Kyle
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