chrischoi's Xanga

OLD SKOOOOL

Wed, 07 May 2008 11:51:44 GMT

oh man, i was looking through my archives and found this:

remember that song you used to sing as a kid - 12 little monkeys jumping on the bed?

if you don't remember, it basically goes like this:

10 little monkeys jumping on my bed,
one fell down and broke his head
momma called the doctor and the doctor said,
"no more monkeys jumping on the bed."

now - like all songs you sang as a kid, this one makes absolutely no sense. clearly, this song was about not to jump on the bed right? it's one of those strange ways our parents teaches us things what not to do (aka, eat watermelon seeds and a watermelon grows in your stomach..etc etc etc.)

but lets seriously think about this for a second. imagine if you were jumping on your bed with your...9 other siblings. first of all, your bed better be friggin big to accomodate! i don't care how small your 9 other siblings are, even a king sized bed would be a tight fit.

and then there's the second line - one fell down and broke his head. first of all, NO CRAP ONE FELL DOWN. you have 10 kids jumping on the bed - of course someone's gonna fall. and WTH! he BROKE his HEAD?! if you saw your little brother fall off, crack his skull against the floor or wall -blood everywhere, would i be like "i think i'm gonna keep jumping on this bed." let alone, eventually all your siblings all fell off and cracked their skulls - would you KEEP jumping? you would have to be one stupid kid.

and check this mom out - she's so friggin calm. i mean, she could pick up her kid, throw him in the car and run all the red lights to rush to the emergency room...or even call 911 and have an ambulance do it, but instead, she just calls the doctor...speaking of the doctor, whats up with this quack!? uh...hello!? she called because HER FRIGGING KID'S HEAD CRACKED OPEN and the best solution you have is telling the other kids to not jump? uh..someone better revoke your medical license! or are you sure the mother ain't calling Dr. KERVORKIAN?

so...basically, let's get this straight...some parent didn't want their kid to jump on the bed, and instead makes a song about their sibling's skulls cracking open, jumping on a bed that's not physically capable of supporting 10 kids, a dysfunctional mother, and a charlatan doctor who's as useful as a solar powered flash light.

so, as a public service, i have made this more accurate version of the song:

3 little monkeys jumping on the enormous posture-pedic king sized bed,
one fell down and cracked his head open with blood and brains oozing out,
all the kids freaked out at the site of blood and never jumped on a bed again.
in fact, none of them ever got near a bed anymore.
after the ambulance visit, and the team of trauma center doctors at UCLA performed emergency brain surgery on the monkey
the mother files a lawsuit and sues against the bed maker claiming the bed was too dangerous.
after 5 years of litigation and lawyer costs and bills,
she wins millions of dollars in the case. and never works ever again.
the end.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:50:58 GMT

mariokart: 0001-3714-3517

Parable of the Talents

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 11:55:31 GMT

[edit] update to this posted here: http://weblog.xanga.com/revelife/654455339/parable-of-the-talents-week-1.html

I posted this on revelife, but i wanted to keep a copy here too:

I was really inspired by a story i read a few months back about a church in wisconsin where the main pastor rolled into church with forty thousand dollars in cash. his goal was simple, he walked into the congregation with the stack of cash and read from the book of Matthew:

"And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his ability."

After giving a message on the parable of talents, he then proceeded and gave each congregant money. he challenged them each to double their money in 7 weeks.

this sunday, i'm going to try the same thing with my youth group kids. our youth group is looking for ways to raise $8,000 in order to attend a conference set in July. and at this point, things are not looking too good with the fund raising but at the same time, i truly believe we can pull this off altogether.

my hope is that these kids will look at money differently. i think the notion of money and how it's used is so easily perverted in this society - we see it as a symbol of solving our problems, a source of pride, and an escape. we watch cartoons of people swimming in money...and never see cartoons about people struggling to make money. we have people hooked on fast cash and resort to gambling, stealing, and deceit. money seems to mostly feed on selfishness and live in a society where we praise aberrant donations because it's so outside the norm.

i admit, in my age it's so easy to worship money and all it could provide for myself. to not worry about rent, paying off bills, mortgages and get whatever i want, whenever i want, however i want...i mean, who wouldn't want that? but in the end when you pause, you realize everything you feel money can solve are all the things that consume you....as tyler durden would put it, things that own you.

which brings me to this....i always believed God taught us best by challenging us to do...and in that, in those footsteps, i gladly hand this material object to them with the challenge. double your money...and don't do it for yourself...but do it for the person next to you.

although some have told me, this is a great lesson to teach them...i have a feeling in the end, they will teach all of us.

more updates after sunday - i'll let you know how it goes....

p.s. also if you have other fundraising ideas, please do share!

revelife beta launch!

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:41:28 GMT

a couple people have asked more postings about the most important thing in my life, my faith as a Christian, so i figured i'd put some posts on this group blog - revelife. please check it out and comment and leave your thoughts and encouragements.

http://www.xanga.com/revelife

also, if you have any suggestions on what kind of content you want to see, lemme know!

Movies I Want to See

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:22:18 GMT

the summer approaches - and that usually means a plethora of crazy movies coming up. you guys probably heard of iron man, indiana jones, etc...but there are certain movies i wish they made which i know would be worth every dollar of the $12 that movie tickets costs these days. so all you director, producer, screenwriter peeps out there - this post is for you.

SURE FIRE AWESOME SUPER DUPER MOVIES

1. Star Wars - Rated R version
you know it. a rated R version of star wars would be off the hook. ewoks decapitating storm troopers, blood spewing from luke's cut off hand, to - remember the end of star wars III when darth vader finds out padme is dead? instead of him saying "noooooooo" he'll say "F%%^&#*&^^**CCCCKKKK!!!!". much more memorable in my opinion. also, "hold me like you did by the lake in naboo" would be turned into ....well, something normal at least.

2. Matilda - The Professional 2
damn straight. Leon, or The Professional was one of Luc Besson's best work. that movie was hands down flipping awesome. but nothing came about afterwards. no word on what happened to matilda - she got all that training and nothing. i think natalie portman should reprise her role as a female hitman...er, hitwoman. in fact, get gary oldman back in cause he's frigging awesome - somehow he survived the grenade attack and is out to get revenge. if they can't get gary oldman, then get christopher walken who would be awesome as the villian...speaking of which

3. Christopher Walken
that's right - a whole movie about christopher walken. that would be sweet. except he's doing normal stuff. eating breakfast, reading the ingredients of his shampoo, saying the pledge of allegiance, or talking in his sleep. i don't care what it is...if it has tons of christopher walken talking, i'm so watching it. with or without cowbell.

4. Abraham Lincoln vs. movies
i think someone should make a series of Abraham Lincoln versus movies. like Godzilla, abraham lincoln would be a giant. in fact, the statue in the front of the lincoln memorial, is abraham lincoln himself - actual size. and he goes out and saves america. and fights like giant lizards, or giant moths like godzilla did. but then later, after they make about 10 successful ones, i'm sure the viewing numbers will go down, so they need to whip out random stuff and take advantage of cross promotions- like Abraham Lincoln vs. ET . badass!

5. Titanic 2
i bet you're wondering how the heck they would make a titanic 2. EXACTLY - wouldn't YOU want to knoW~!!?

6. Voltron - Live Action
before i-robot, before transformers, before awesomeness, there was Voltron. for those of you that don't know voltron, he was just about the most kick butt robot ever. power rangers, transformers, etc - all copied voltron at a certain point. i mean, the dude has Tigers as hands. that's right TIGERS. how can you beat a robot with tigers as hands and feet? you CAN NOT! and to make things every better, rick astley would form the head and "never gonne give you up would play when all the pieces are coming together.

7. Pirates of the Carribbean: Ninja Ultimate Power
then once and for all, the debate will end. this must star chuck norris.

what's on the mind...

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:40:45 GMT

first of all, if you didn't already know - take the first letter of each paragraph in the last post. sorry! i have to say though that you guys are the awesomest in that you sincerely care about me and gromit...well, more for gromit. but many of you know me well, that i would rather lose an arm than lose gromit.

any event - thought i'd give a brief insider's update on what's going on these days at Xanga HQ.

Payable on Death
i'm packing up at the moment with a bunch of equipment and heading to San Diego where i'll be hanging out with Payable on Death or POD and streaming them live on Xanga TV. definitely check them out! i set their site up and have been testing a lot of the equipment with jon, dan, janet, and ben for the stream. i'll try to pull a where's waldo and hide in the background during the streams. =D any san diego xangans here?

here's their site: http://www.xanga.com/payableondeath

In office prank
i can't believe i missed out on planning this one, but both dave and jon did an awesome job with getting people in the office. more details here: http://weblog.xanga.com/eugenia/650054543/april-fools-joke-warning-gross-picture-included.html

I also owe everyone a video of our very own adam (an awesome programmer here) getting rick rolled by phone. yes, there's a phone service that does this - just search around. =)

Xanga Dinner thingamajigger
live in new york? gonna be around on the 9th of april? have dinner with us! joseph's setting up an informal get together where any xangan can hang out and meet other xangans. i'm planning on being there - and especially you guys who i've known for many many years here and live in the new york area - def come out. joe will post it later tonight on his site: http://www.xanga.com/joseph

Share
i think there are a lot of great posts on xanga - looking into adding a share button on weblog pages where you can add it to your facebook, digg, reddit, etc... i think it'll just help with spreading word about good posts but at the same time letting you add it to whereever you need to. hope you find it useful!

any ways - that's all the updates for now. let me know if you want to know about anything else!

if you want to be part of the Xanga underground - let me know by messaging me.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 15:20:25 GMT

all things come to an end. this day is a pretty sad day. unfortunately, the new apt i just moved in isn't cool with dogs. those of you that know gromit, he barks time to time. and leaving him home alone the last few days (juby's been away) made him bark non stop.

people upstairs couldn't take it and called the landlord two months ago. i've been trying to fight this for a while now, but no luck.

reality kicked in, and after discussing all of this with esther - we're not sure what to do. we simply are tired of fighting.

i'm seriously thinking about giving gromit up. and i know a lot of you know this famous dog, so i figured i'd collect some takers now just so he immediately has a home if everything falls apart.

landlord's gonna call me sometime today with a decision. basically, if i don't get rid of gromit, i gotta move out.

for some reason they're gonna charge me april's rent still because of a breach in contract or something. but if gromit stays any longer, i gotta move out now. how messed up is that?

on to other news tho - was thinknig of starting an online petition - maybe if enough people vouch for this pup, my landlord will let him stay? here's a link - PLEASE PLEASE sign it: http://www.petitiononline.com/savegromit/petition-sign.html

otherwise, if you're interested in adopting gromit, please let me know. he's a good dog, and needs a loving home.

let me know if there's any other advice you can give.

SAVE GROMIT!!!!

take the first letter of each paragraph.

Random Eprop Attack: Walkened

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 16:35:00 GMT

it's time to resurrect the age old game - Eprop Attack Game! this goes way back to 2002 when i first did this. basic premise is to give an unsuspecting xangan a deluge of eprops - but, since then - it has evolved over time. other iterations of the game consisted of creating stories together through the comments, writing about complete randomness, and carrying conversations with the people in the comments....so this time around our theme will be

"YOU'VE BEEN WALKENED"

that's right. to be part of Eprop Attack History - you're gonna have to use the "change profile picture" feature for this one. Here's what you need to do first:

1. Upload a profile pic of the greatest actor of our time, Christopher Walken. don't got one? don't worry, here's some you can borrow:

2. Find a Christopher Walken quote:

a quick search on google will produce many sites. but here are a few gems:

"I knew a guy once who looked like you. One day... bam!"
"There is no greater love than the racism a dog has for cats!"
“I tend to play mostly villains and twisted people. Unsavory guys. I think it's my face, the way I look.”

3. then visit the UNSUSPECTING XANGA VICTIM - and leave him a comment!

MAKE SURE YOU CHANGE YOUR PROFILE PIC WHEN LEAVING A COMMENT - click CHOOSE>>

http://www.xanga.com/squirrelfisher/649059437/item.html

thanks to black_lie for the victim

after you're done - congrats...you just WALKENED someone or what i call pWalKenEd!

ok folks - ATTACCCCKKKKK!!!!

Parental Email Forwarding

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 11:33:33 GMT

So it seems my dad finally discovered email forwarding. i knew this was inevitable and frankly i kind of dreaded this day only because i know that the oldest "viral" videos and links will start steadily flowing into my inbox now that he realized that "forward" doesn't mean that emails will speed up.

my mom on the other hand already discovered email forwarding and is now currently in the phase where she's being picky and choosy about which links to recommend because she realizes the links represent her quality of taste. so i only get about one forward a month from her now - sweet.

but unlike my friends who send me rick roll's and other terrible terrible mind searing traumatizing pictures, parents seem to have a certain criteria on what to forward or not.

so i sent all my parent's email fowards in for analysis to my laboratory in uzbekistan to help understand what they see as "forwardable" and what isn't. this way, if i ever open my computer and clean out my icons and wonder where i got this video of some korean kid in a diaper singing "hey jude", i'll easily recognize that this was from my parents.

how you know a forward is from your parents:

1. for some reason it makes you feel like you weren't a great son or daughter
in their own passive aggressive way, parent forwards always have this tone that somehow they are not loved enough. these are text emails that usually start with titles like "a mother's love" and "father's rules" or "my daughter the flower". and it would be a list that almost always rhymes about how some parent figure gave everything for their kid, etc etc etc. also, the signature look is large fonts with a lot of color - like this:

a Mother's Love
by anonymous

in the end, after you read this, you feel like calling your parents and apologizing for not being a doctor, or living up to their dreams, or apologizing for that time you lit the house porch on fire.

2. powerpoint slideshows with animals and midi background music
first of all - who makes these things? i think i've seen every scenic and animal related national geographic picture because of these powerpoint presentations. that's right - you know it's from your parents if there's a powerpoint presentation attached to an email and it has NOTHING to do with work. and why is it that they send it during work hours? nothing is more embarassing than opening one of these seemingly harmless powerpoint slideshows up to only have enrique iglesias "will be you be my hero" playing in the background as you look at pictures of baby giraffes.

3. unsized photos
so for their birthday, you thought it would be a great idea that you got them a new digital camera. you know - so that they're "in" with the times. what you didn't expect is that they would use all 10MP of that new camera you bought them and use it to flood your inbox. you know it's your parents when the photo is NOT resized for emailing and instead you have 3MB jpg photos sitting in your inbox. and since they didn't understand why their email client rejected sending the emails because of the size limitations, they would send each photo individually in separate emails. and nothing is more frightening than opening one of those up to see your red eyed parents eyeball in the size of a watermelon on your screen.

4. health tips
my dad is a doc (and those of you who have parent doctors will understand this) they usually don't care about your health. but i know many other friends where their parents send them health tips. lately it's all about foods with omega 3 and how you shouldn't smoke (even when you don't) and how exercising is king and how periodontal disease can ruin your whole life. at the end, despite moving completely out of your parent's house, you can still hear them saying "you're a lazy bum" and that you need to eat better....and get married and have babies.

5. joke emails
first of all, the subject of these emails are always "FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: RE: FWD: RE: FWD: this is funny". it's usually a list of really really really corny jokes - from knock knock jokes or jokes about really old events, like bill clinton jokes. best part is your parent's commentary - usually it will be one line or word - most likely "hahahhh funny!" since the foward trail is usually well documented in these emails, i like finding the first person to forward this out, and email them saying 'hey buddy, thanks for sending this out - i just got this from my parents. thanks a lot. thanks.'

in the end - whether i like the forwards or not, i sure like the people sending them. in a lot of ways, it's another language they're trying to speak to let you know that they're thinking of you. so whether or not they have tons of rainbow colored text, tips about what foods to eat to prevent heart disease, or powerpoint slides of a 2004 national geographic photo spread....all of these are forwards worth keeping.

ARCHIVE: Good Friday

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:33:49 GMT

Old post from back in 2005...

threedays

whenever Good Friday rolls around i always try to imagine what it was like during the time Christ was crucified. Thanks to Mel Gibson's portrayal of Christ's death in the Passion of the Christ we are left little for the imagination. but what gets me wondering are those three days in between his death and resurrection. what were those days like?

i imagine a man crying at night, seared by the pain of denying a teacher and a friend

i imagine those that followed Him and were disappointed that He 'failed'

i imagine those that never believed, gloating that He is dead

i imagine a woman, broken that the only person that saw who she was, was actually gone

i imagine the many, who never bothered to see Him or know about Him, already beginning to forget

i imagine the selfish, who were healed and touched, yet decided to stay home on the day that He died

i imagine the skeptics, reveling on the evidence that He is dead and therefore can not be God

i imagine the faithful, that always believed, but began to doubt

i imagine the helpless, who lost all hope in death

i imagine the soldier, who had once attacked Him, feeling something new

and i imagine the God, who looks down upon us, knowing the greater plan.

in ways....it's almost like those 3 days never ended...

Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” -John 11:24-26

Good Friday everyone...good indeed.