some not-so-random thoughts about my tripi am back here in Hong Kong for a few days. As I have told many of you, I have so much to share... But then, whenever someone asked me how's my trip, I found that I have trouble in picking what to share, difficulties in expressing all my thoughts, all the little things that I have experienced, which explain the fact that none of my diary or not even a photo is uploaded or shared with anyone (not even my family) yet... and like I give very "fu hin" answer whenever you guys ask me about my trip. I really didnt mean to be so fu hin. But I really dunno where and how should I begin...
Went out to dine in SoHo last night. All I can share are some very factual things about my trip, like the food, the place I lived in village, etc with my friends. When I told them how much I missed the village, and like I can adapt to the village life without much difficulties, but cant adapt to city life after I left the village.
They joked that I should consider moving to village... At that time, I answered "I will consider har..."... but then, the real answer in the very bottom of my heart is... "Yes, I really want to move to the village and live with them from now on... I really want to move there and try to share all I know with them. I am not moving there to make their lives better, cuz i know i don't have anything that can make their lives better at all, while they have taught me so much..." When we were in the restaurant, the air-con was freezing... I am not feeling well after I come back to HK indeed... and the freezing temperature made me felt even more sick (even I have 2 jackets on)... There were all these delicious food lying in front of me at last (like all I had in past few days were congee and normal chinese meal at home...lol), food that I have been longing for when I was in the village... But I could eat none of them with my stomach upset... [it's like on the surface, I did eat a piece of smoked salmon, which is all that I have eaten in that restaurant, but in fact, I ate none of these food, like I threw up the only piece of salmon in less than 30 min after I gulped it down my throat...] And psychologically, I don't want to eat them too. While my friend keep asking me to eat, keep telling me how delicious are the food, keep telling me that I have missed all these great food and that we should come back again so that I can taste these great dishes... all that I want at that time was actually a piece of plain bread... All I can think of is the plain meal that I used to have in the village... and thinking what are my kids in class are now having in the village for their dinner...? and what will they think when they see all these dishes lying in front of me, when a piece of biscuit can already make them really happy already... i feel so guilty (or to be more exact in Chinese, 折墮) for having so many great food lying in front of me but I cant eat them physically and psychologically and seeing the food being wasted because like I cant help my share.... while there are so many children are going to bed tonight with their stomachs unfilled... (ok... I am not that brave and great and selfless... I admit that I did have a selfish thought in my mind at that time.. I do admit that I miss home so much for most of the time during the meal, like I always do when I feel really sick... and like I want to go home so much becuz I felt so unwell that I want to make sure I am home before I collapse...lol) all these thoughts running in my mind actually stunned me so much... keeping me in silence (and indeed, paying slightest attention to what my friends are talking about... I really cant recall anything about their chat) (to those you know who you are: I am really sorry for being so "invisible" during the meal.. I really didnt mean to... ><) Yes, I want to go back to the village so much. And this is the very first time I feel the urge to go back there so strong after I come back to Hong Kong... (like i was in unconscious mode in the past few days... even my guzheng teacher asked me why am i so dull... lol) this is also the first time I realize that how much the trip have changed me into another person without my notice... Then, I remember all the papers you guys wrote to me, asking me to remember what I have said, what I have promised during my sharing... All I want to say now is: don't worry, I do remember what I have promised... and I shall do my very best to make my promise come true. p.s. Yes, I still remember all the things that I want to share with you all... And I did start typing them bit and pieces... just type whatever that comes to my mind... in a new blog... and like I have so much to express that I wrote more than 2000 words for 1 afternoon in Cambodia (in chinese)... but I am not sure when I am ready to share all these with you.. I don't have the courage to share all my feelings (and horrible writing skills and language skills) with you all yet... gimme some time.... p.p.s. i didnt mean i dun want good food in future! find me for good food after i recover!!!!!!! | 
