graduation

life is so crazzy..

not even kidding...

im so confused with the things she says to me...

then she does something totally different...

but i love her...

i just want it back the way it was when it was perfect...

well its been two weeks exact since i last updated ya.. huh.. i kno no one really gets on xanga anymore but i still wanna update.. so school started its goin pretty good so far im liking all my classes so far..work is alright just really tiring an gettin old same shit really.. life like my life.. i am ok.. i am not the happiess girl anymore but i am still alive waking up every morning just hoping i get thru the day.. ya i umm im pretty well just very depressed alot.. i dont even wanna explain much jus that..

Has your heart ever wanted to ask someone something..but your mind wouldn't let you because it was too afraid to know the answer

when u hurt me i stil wanted u when u ignored me i stil smiled at u when u were with another girl i was stil happy 4 u and after all this time i still love u

i'm so scared to lose youwhen you aren't even mine

the first time I felt true pain was when I saw you declare your love for her.. and I saw my heart break into a
m i l l i o n   p i e c e s

the only girl that deserves you is the one who thinks she doesn't. the one that will stick by your side no matter how much you mess up. and the one who will forgive you mistake after mistake

i sigh with tears in my eyes flop myself down onto my bed & whisper over & over " what did i do wrong? "

she's starting to wonder if the tears will ever s t o p

Its been a long time since the first times. The first time we met to the first time we kissed...to our first fight to our first good-bye our first tears...to the last "I love you." People say you never realize what you have until you lose it. In a way...they're right. But I never took you for granted because  I knew any day I could wake up& you would be gone. I just hoped so much it wouldn't be for a very long time. But now I miss all those things I never really noticed. Like how much I miss your hands holding mine & most of all ¦I miss your  smile. No matter what was going wrong, all you had to do was give me that smile of yours & somehow I knew everything was going to be all right. I haven't seen that smile forever. I just keep hoping I'll see it again so I can have that feeling that everything is going to be all right again. I'm not all right. I'm anything but okay right now. I just keep wondering if I'm ever on your mind. Or if you ever miss my smile too. I wonder if you ever wake up in the middle of the night praying that I'll be there. I miss you so much. There's nothing I can say that would ever make you understand  just what you mean to me. I want more than anything to see your smile again  knowing it's for me. I need something to hang on to. I need you.

So time kinda flys by fast at the same time it doesnt.. wow.. its almost my 18th birthday, ya crazy i kno huh!!! its in lik a week an one day.. wow.. wher did the years of my childhood go.. anyways.. life right now is bascially great for the most part, i am loving how things are goin right now an i really hope they only get better.. school starts less than a month an big senior.. wow the years did go by really fast.. graduating next may 07' .. wow.. im really glad i made it this far tho i am very proud of myself an happy with wher  stand right now.. i am lookin for a car right now an cant seem to find one i like really cuz i want it to be the one for me even if its not the best thing out there.. joe is coming to town less than one month im excited.. well me an my mom are gettin closer kinda she is one crazy woman tho ((tara you kno)) lol an tara leeann you are the sweetest girl ever an i love you more than you can imagine, your awesome an thanks for always bein by myside, i love that you care bout me so much an your comfort always soothes everything.. thank you.. anyways well ima end this so peace easy folks an much love

I genuinely really love her. She honestly has my heart. It's all her's, resting in her hands. She can do whatever she wants with it. She can protect it & shelter it & treat it with care, or she can crush it & tear it apart & shatter it. It's such a frightening realization to come to, to see that you've given so much of yourself, such an integral part of yourself, to someone & now it's theirs to do what they please with it.

i could write a 400 chapter novel on every little thing i love about her

Wuts up.. not much has changed so im guessing Myspace is the new Xanga so slowly everyone moved ther but i like leaving my updates on here so im gonna continue to do so.. but anyways life right now is pretty good, tara is at my house everyday cuz she works at direct tv but it makes me so damn happy cuz we are together all the time.. i love you tara!! work for me is goin ok except i got the whole week off basically but ill get more hours next week.. im not ready for school to start but then again i am cuz i will be graduating this year!! yay!! time has went by so fast its crazy last nite me an tara went to her sisters house an her nephews have gotten so big its crazy cuz when me an tara first got together they were so tiny an she could hole them in her arms now they r running around talkin baby talk its so cute.. an sky is 11 now her bday was yesterday we went to lisa's an visted ther it was cool... well joe is coming back down to oklahoma at the end of august, im excited very much!! i miss you joe!!! well i got to go.. much love from the bug!!!

I don't like missing you. But I love having you to miss.
eVeRy TiMe We KiSS.. i SWeAR i CAN FLY
It's all just magic when I think about you. & when I'm not with you, I go crazy.
she learned & she'll continue to smile no matter how much it hurts
as much hurt as you caused as much pain as i dealt with i wouldnt have traded you for the world

I love this girl right here!!

((i got my vans on but they look like sneakers))