Do things really have to be this difficult?

Phillip is dead. I will miss him terribly next year.

He was an amazing man of God, one of my first friends at that church, always had a good word to say for/to you, gave out money like it had no value except to those whom needed it most, saw past skin color and condition of clothing and smell to the needs of people.

And apparently I was wrong about my status with the girl I thought I was dating as well. that's always nice to hear.

I'm open for business, but no one is coming through the doors.

Too bad work eats up my life and God and I have been distant for so long, or else this might've still turned into a decent summer.

Oh yeah. Shannon moved out.

Currently Listening The Dust of Retreat By Margot & the Nuclear So and So's see related

Time can heal all things

but it can also stretch almost all things to their breaking points.

Time is an odd thing,

for sometimes it goes so fast you don't know what happened,

and other times it's enlongated to where a few days or hours or even minutes can feel like an eternity..and that could happen in both Good and Bad ways.

And time also reveals all things:

whether a decision was wise or not,
whether a person was honest or not,
or whether you should've eaten that extra slice of pie after all.

I was wrong..and time has proved that to be the point.

I was wrong to rush ahead and skip valuable formative time,
I was wrong to so quickly predict what this summer would hold,
and I was wrong to allow you (and myself) to feel this strongly, this quickly.

I'm so sorry,
but I was wrong.

And now...?
I'm just trying to make things right.

Summer

It's been an interesting summer so far.

First month equaled

old friends
lots of sleep
friends from clifton
staying up waaay late
slowly losing all my money

So far second month equals

work
work
work
graduation parties
tyler (just got back home yay!)
lizzie
other parties to come soon (clifton and chelsey)

What I hope (realistically) third and fourth months will equal

work
work
tyler and old friends
lizzie
west virginia
parties and hangouts
at least one other road trip? hopefully

so yeah.

summer 08 would've been the best ever if it'd kept going the way it was...but my bank account doesn't fill itself, and neither does my gas tank, so i had to find a job. I wanted/needed a full time job, b/c not only am i just making money for myself this summer, but it's also the money i'll have to live on over the next school year. Good thing is, my job pays me pretty well. I'll probably make over 225 each week after everything gets taken out (including gas, tithe, etc). bad thing is, it would be alot more of i didn't spend 50 a week in gas, since it's 3.99 a gallon (and that's only getting to and from work, not counting church or friends houses). Also, it's manual labor. I work at Cintas down in norwood- it's a factory that makes uniforms and mats and other things for businesses. It's an okay place to work, but i'm a truck washer. first week was pretty horrible cause it was really hot, i didn't have callouses in the right places so i got blisters, and i have to drive/park and maneuver lots of big trucks...which i obvioulsy hadn't done b4 and so was very nervous and bad/slow at doing. I'm in my second week now though, and starting to get in the groove of things.

Lizzie and i had our first date last friday. It went really well. we met in the middle at jungle jims for starbucks, then i drove her back to my house for what ended up being a 'jam session'. we hung out again sunday after church and spent most of the evening together. it rained while we were walking so we hopped in my van and just waited it out. it was nice. she's a little older than me but a complete sweetheart and we get along really well. she lives pretty far away though..so that's a bummer.

I hope work continues to get easier and better...but i'm still tired everyday when i get home after 9pm.

ugh.

God and me are doing good. I'm finally upholding my end of the bargain and reading the bible again like i used to for so many years and praying more deeply. I've missed it, and i've missed him. I hope this next year at college won't be as spiritually draining, and that i can establish good spiritual practices again.

Yours in Christ,
James

Resolved

Things have gotten better.

I'm leaving school tomorrow. I won't exactly be 'going home' until friday though, and I won't get back until Saturday. In any case, things have gotten better between me and mon, and even if i still don't think i ever deserved what happened, i'm glad it's over and we can go back to being friends.

I finished 'go home' tonight, the mixing and stuff with Josh and Jon Platter- probably my most professional-sounding song yet. I'm looking forward to updating my myspace with an upgraded song lol. Also the Platters are gonna help me install that CD player tomorrow in my van, Lloyd, which will be a treat.

Packing is gonna be ugly tomorrow morning....I still need boxes!!!!!!

Yours in Christ,
James

Currently Listening The Creek Drank the Cradle By Iron & Wine Trapeze Swinger see related

Frustrated

I'm the only one of us who hasn't been hateful or

hated someone throughout all of this....

and yet I'm the one receiving the most hate.

Unnamed

If this is the way things are going to be

I wish we'd never met.

The hater is loved

and the hated is loathed

and we call it justice?

I fear that perhaps it is,

but my intentions

don't deserve this.