Is it possible?

Well, I haven't been on here in awhile. Maybe because I'm too busy being happy. I didn't think it was possible. I didn't think I could feel this way about someone again so soon. 3 months ago, I would've never pictured us like this. I don't think anyone could. I can't even describe it. This feeling is the greatest one in the world, and I don't wanna let it go. I've felt it before, but it hasn't came this fast.  That top of the world, nothing can bring you down feeling...I have that and so do you. I don't know what this is...but I love it. It's something special that's for sure. It's not something that just happens to 2 people. This is different. I guess my lucky streak keeps on going. I came to you because I saw something. I saw something that he didn't have. I never would've left him for you if you wouldn't have been better. Don't blame yourself for that. It was my choice. I wasn't sure about it at the time, but now, looking back on it, I'm so damn happy that I made that choice. You've given me so much advice and I've learned so much from you. You taught me that there's more to life out there and I'm supposed to put my happiness before anyone else's. You've let me make choices and respected them all, you haven't pressured me into anything. You've always been there, even when you didn't really have me. You chose not to leave when you could've so easily. And I'm so damn happy that you didn't leave. I don't know where I'd be without you right now. I know its bad to say this, I didn't like to say it before, and I don't like to say it now, because no one knows what's in the future, but this feeling I have right now.....I don't want it to leave. So I guess what I'm saying is I want this to last....for as long as it can, as long as I feel this way, and as long as you want to put up with me lol. I don't know what happened....I think its just a crazy little thing called love

I wanna know
Who ever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
Yah, they were lying;

Just look around
And all of the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we're still trying

So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I

I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again

Some people say
That everything has got its place in time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
Cos in your eyes
I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying

Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we try
There are some things in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied

The more I know of you is the more I know I love you
And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
And the more that you love me, the more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go

~Feelings through Song~

Every day's a memory gone by; What they are to me; Too many words to ever speak----When I hear your voice; You're calling out to me; Though you know I can't be with you; So please don't leave----Now that I'm so far from home; I know you're sleeping alone; You're hoping that I remember; What you mean to me----I guess it wasn't really right; I guess it wasn't meant to be; It didn't matter what they said----And I'll stay alive;  And I will survive; Leave me here to die alone but; I'll still follow you home----What hurts the most; Is being so close; And having so much to say; And never knowing; What could have been----

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

~ LYO 2006 ~

I guess you could say it's been awhile since I've been on here, but since I did something constructive this past weekend, I thought I'd write about that. LYO was a lot of fun, and for all of you who don't know what that is, its basically a church convention. We made a lot of memories, so here are some of the big ones:

* Krysta, Steph, Heather, and me spinning around as fast as we could in the black chair.

* "Sprinkling sunshine" on each other. Except for Heather, she brought out the hose. haha

* Buying the same shirts and having AGAPE (sweet christian band) sign them.

* Eating baked chips, cookies and drinking Moutain Dew the whole weekend. So healthy I know.

* Making the sweetest movies ever with my camera, when we had nothing else to do, and yes they do kick ass!

* Calling random people and saying stupid shit.

* Going to the mall and getting to see David and his "interesting" friends.

* Taking the best pictures ever at the dances.

* Dancing with the Minot people, who actually know how to dance.

* Inventing and perfecting the "tushie" dance with Mike, Krysta, Steph, and Heather.

* Watching Mike bed surf right into the wall. He was way to hyper.

* Washing walls at the Bobcats arena, which was the most pointless service projest I have ever done. Hello aren't there janitors?!?!

* Going bowling at Midway Lanes with Heather.

* Watching the slide show, I was in it like 5 times!!

* Going to McDonalds on the way home. It was so good!

* Meeting a ton of cool people and hopefully getting to see all of them next year!

All in all, I had a really fun weekend, and hopefully next years LYO will be just as exciting!

I had to say good-bye once, so the

second time should've been easier..

I was always dreading this day. This day that both you and I knew had to come. You even came home a week early just for me, and now it seems that even that wasn't enough to make the hurt go away. I was better prepared this time, I was anticipating what I knew had to happen. It was almost like I was dreading you coming over today. Because I knew..deep down..that when this day was over, you were going to be gone. I kept pushing the thought of seeing you one last time to the back of my mind because in reality that was the last thing I wanted. But I made it. I trudged through this day knowing that every minute I spent with you was a minute closer to the time you had to leave. I wasn't my normal self today, and you noticed. You asked me "What's wrong?" and I replied "nothing." But you knew to well. I told you I was tired. We ate lunch. You talked to my family like nothing was wrong. Maybe I was the only one thinking about it. You seemed unphased by the fact that this was your last day. You went on about it like it was any other regular day here. I didn't understand, I still don't. You were supposed to be sad like me. Maybe you were trying to put on a happy face so I wouldn't be so sad. I don't know. It did work..there were many times you made me laugh today, just like you always do. I guess I kind of did hide my sadness. I did put on the happy face, and tried to act normal. But when we were laying next to each other, watching that movie, I silently cried so you wouldn't see. I cried for all the time I knew I wouldn't get to spend with you anymore. I cried tears for you and for me. But I didn't let you see. Then I quickly wiped them away when I knew I'd have to look at you. As your head layed on my chest, I ran my fingers through your hair, knowing that it was hours away until you'd be gone. When you said "well baby, I suppose I better get out of here" I wanted to say no, but once again I put on my brave face and said ok. We walked outside together, it was raining on us both, but I didn't care. You wanted me to sign your hat, so I did it. Anything so you wouldn't have to go. Then we both gazed into each other's eyes. I could see the reality right in yours. And it rained. You held me close. We pulled away from each other. And then you kissed me one last time. I closed my eyes, praying that somehow you wouldn't have to leave, but all that prayer was was a fairytale, because I knew right from the moment I wished it, it wasn't going to happen. I said I'd miss you, and you said it back. You kissed my forehead. And it rained. You hugged me tightly. I layed my head on your shoulder, and you wrapped your hand around it and pressed me even closer to you. I took a deep breath, breathing in your smell just one more time. Then we pulled apart. You looked into my eyes, and I looked into yours, and right then I knew it would be ok. Somehow we would make it. And at that moment I was willing to do anything to make sure that would happen. Then you began to walk away. I reached out my hand and held onto yours as long as a could. Then our touch was broken, and all I could feel was the rain. You looked back at me one last time. I knew I had to get away. I went into the garrage, and stood. A sob left me and a single tear rolled down my cheek. I heard your car start, and I went inside. I ran upstairs and went to my window. I saw your car turn the corner and then I watched you leave. I watched until I couldn't see you anymore, I watched until you were swallowed up by the rain...

I don't know if I would exactly call this time easier or not. I guess this time, I knew what to expect and that sort of helped. I didn't cry in front of you this time, so you probably think I'm handling this well. Until you read this that is. I don't have any doubts, and I know neither do you. There isn't a doubt in my mind that we can't make this work. It's just the thought of being away from you for so long that I don't like. But I guess I'm gonna have to make do. After you left, I slept. I went up to my room, slept, ate supper, and then slept some more. I just had no ambition to do anything. Then you called. You sounded really happy, and I will try to be happy for you. I am happy for you. I guess this is just my selfish side coming out a little. I wish I could have you here with me, but its ok. I'll make it. We'll make it. No one saw me cry. And that single tear that rolled down my cheek... the only witness was the rain.

Isn't it sad that I put a lot of work into a perfectly awesome entry and then had to delete it becuase someone had to do the opposite of what it said? Ok I don't know if that made any sense, but here's what happened. I wrote this entry 2 days ago about how you're coming home and I'll get to see you on the 13th, a week from that day. And here I come home yesterday and walk in to find you sitting at my counter! I cannot even begin to describe how seeing you made my heart jump to the ceiling. It took a few seconds for it to register that it was actually you. So you kind of lied to me all summer telling me you'd be home on the 13th and then coming home a week early, but that's ok, because it was the kind of surprise that I wasn't expecting. I was so happy yesterday, and it was all because of you. Screw everything you got me, (iPOD, etnies, belt......even though all those things are the shit) lol, seeing you was enough to make me happy for a year! I am so lucky to have you, I tell myself that over and over! You make me so happy and are the sweetest guy I've ever met. Nothing has changed between us, thank God, and I hope it stays that way! And you know what, you're leaving again in like 3 weeks! That's insane. Now that I've seen you and I've spent time with you, I can't see how I'm going to be able to let you go again. Only this time, it's for a lot longer. I'll see you what........once a month? That seems impossible to do now that I have you here with me again. I'll have to experience "good-bye" all over again. It was hard enough the first time, and now, you're making me do it again. It's not like it's your fault and I'm not blaming you or anything. I guess I just wish that you wouldn't have to go so far away for so long. It would just make our lives a lot simpler. Don't you think? You get to go to college and on to bigger and better things. And I'm stuck here in dumb old Wishek, North Dakota. I guess it gets back to that whole thing that "life's not fair." But it's true, life's not fair, no matter how bad we want it to be, we just gotta take everything one step at a time and take shit as it comes at us. I guess that's just what I'll have to do, hold my head up and just take anything and everything that comes my way.