omg basically i have this work experience placement tomorrow at the hospital in london.
and im absolutely terrified.  i dont know why but i am!!
they emailed me like hardly any information and im worried.  i dont know if im gonna get there ok, if im gonna find it... what if people are not nice...  god im such a worrier.

anyways, today...
b - nothing
l - cereal 171 kcal + pinepples 82 kcal
d - mangoes 82 kcal

i'll update tomorrow about the hospital thing.

thinspo!


























x

well basically, i went on holiday with my mom and my sister for the weekend. and i ate.
the horrible thing is that at the beginning of the hol, i weighed myself on the hotel scales and i was 118!  i havent been below 120 since like last summer!! argh now im 121 again.

my 5 days scheme totally failed because, well i didnt follow it...
the weird thing is, i ate and i purged. but i STILL GAINED WEIGHT! so thats the prove that mia doesnt work as well as ana...

oh well, so here i go again.

Day 1 -
b - nothing
l - diet coke
s - tbc

thinspo!
















love!
stay strong!
x

EDIT:

THIS SUCKS. well basically i dont know why, i was walking around the house and i saw a box of wheat squares.  i opened it and literally just started STUFFING MY FACE.  i tried to purge but it didnt work. argh. now i feel really nauseous and sick.  great.  im NEVER EATING.

im actually gonna start a strict fast now.  just water.

start time : 5.30pm, April 31.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

x

Went to the gym yesterday!!  went on the treadmill for 30 minutes. then i weighed myself and i weighed 121!!
i couldnt believe it i had to find another scale to make sure.  ive lost 4 pounds in 5 days!! IM SO HAPPY!!
i didn't think i've lost at all really, because i only fasted properly for one day.  all the rest i ate... only a little and sometimes i purged. but still im so happy!!

im gonna keep on going like this!! i have it all planned out:
day 1 - only eat 500 kcal
day 2 - PURE FAST
day 3 - liquid fast (coffee, water, diet soda)
day 4 - only eat 500 kcal
day 5 - 30 mins on treadmill.

im gonna see if it will work and i can lost 4 pounds again...
yay!!

i found these really good thinspo videos on youtube.

Thinspo:











I wish i looked like this in my skinnies!





WANT HER LEGS!



hope you're all doing good!!!
love
x

I don't know why this happened. but i gained 5 pounds.
omfg saying that just makes me want to hurl.
i've been binging!! like so much and i know i have to stop but i just cant! everytime i see chocolate or any food, my brain is like "EAT IT NOW!" and i do!

argh this is awful!!
tell me what to dooooo!
i want to join a challenge but im at home now and my mom will be checking on me. so i cant be SO obvious with it.

and i have to stop purging, because apparently when you purge, it makes you're salivary glands in your cheeks swell up. now ive got really puffy cheeks.

There are so many parties on and im SO FAT.

OK right now, im starting a LIQUIDS ONLY FAST.
girlies please join i need your support!!

love
x

































Im looking for a friend that i can email to keep my ana going!! anyone wanna be my buddy?
i was thinking we'll email each other what to do for the next 24 hrs...
x

So I back in London.  im glad to be back.  i was so looking forward to come back because im going to see the lostprophets tonight and its the reading festival tomorrow, which till yesterday i thought i had the ticket to go to but i dont.  yep ive been scammed! god im so stupid.

im soo pissed off.  i paid that bitch like 200 pounds.  and i dont fucking have the ticket.  well the only good thing is im so angry i have lost all appetite.  so angry.

i guess at least i can see the lostprophets.  but reading! argh.  all my friends will be there and i wont.

anyways, fasting is going so well.

update with some thinspo later... when ive calmed down and stopped smoking.

edit.

the most annoying thing is, all my other friends didnt bother to tell me until yesterday that they've all got another ticket.  so basically im totally left out.

edit 2:

ive got a ticket now! and lostprophets were totally awesome.

life sucks so bad.

i went to disneyland hong kong yesterday, it was really fun and everything, felt really free and i just was honestly happy.  i havent felt like that in a long time.  i stayed at the hotel with my sisters for the night.

then today, i met up with my mom because she had this event at the disneyland hotel, some trade show or something.  and there were all these models.  god i wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.

i pretended everything was fine.  there were some clothes there that were really nice and stuff, so i said "this dress is really nice mom", and she was like "er you cant wear that you're too fat".

that hit me like a ton of bricks.  why would my own mother say that to me?  well thats the harsh reality check.

so there were also these hair stylists there and they were playing with the hair curler, other girls there with long hair had their hair done and it was really nice.  so my mom was like "go on you should do it too!" but i had short hair so my hair was completely and utterly messed up.  i looked crazy in front of perfect skinny models.  i actually wanted to die right there.

what the hell, that was the motivation i damn well needed.

tomorrow, im going for my facial, then im going to buy a new ana notebook.  and i will be strict this time!

thinspo

 

 

OMG I have no self control!  just as i've lost two pounds, i eat like a starved child.  no jokes i stuffed my face.
i dont want to go on the scales today...

AND i didnt go to the gym.  cos i had no time, i went to get my nails done thinking it would only take two hours, but it took THREE.  yeah they're pretty but i need the gym!

so im going first thing in the morning tomorrow.

i suck.

omg i eat TWO COOKIES.  82 kcal !
I dont know how it happened but it just did.  they were just lying on the table, i kinda picked them up and just eat them.  i wasnt even thinking properly ! that will NEVER happen ever again.

today i was supposed to fast, but i found some apples so i guess i'll do the monday diet today.

I was also supposed to meet up with my friend today at 3pm, but she hasnt called me back yet hmm..

Intake tbc

B - TWO COOKIES ( 82 kcal )

L - 1 Apple ( 81 kcal ) + Zero calories coca cola ( 0 kcal )

D - Nothing

gym later !