First & foremost: I want to let everyone know what an incredible dumbass I am for not realizing where the link to post a new blog was located. I seriously scrolled up and down for minutes reading every little part of the page except the weird little table above the blogs themselves. WE-IRD.

I've been away from Xanga for so long that I do not know what I'm doing. Does the scrollbox automatically exist when I post a blog or is that something I inserted into every entry? I DON'T KNOW! Hahaha! I feel like a complete retard.

Why am I even updating this thing? I guess this is where I'll come & keep track of everyone who doesn't use this site anymore. ROFL. I actually have a subscribed list. I visited them all and no one has updated in such a long time. I also read some of my "plastic hearts" and some Pako guy seriously wasted a good amount of his time on me. Alisha has a Xanga? I remember when I liked her...and then got pissed off at her for liking Marty. WOO! High school drama on the Internet.

Anyway, for any old friends who come to my page sporadically and see this pathetic excuse for an update, just check me out on MySpace. I finally recreated an account last July, for any of you who were wondering where the Hell I went.
http://myspace.com/edenattack

W T F @ ...

me arriving at the bust stop early this morning.
no one in second period.
no freshmen at lunch.
me having school spirit.
ms. garcia letting me + bonnie work together.
me not talking to cody more.
that dress not fitting.
matt's shadow in a shot in sexteen.
me crying through out the entire movie of the texas chainsaw masscre.
watching it again.
at myke calling me to tell me he met walker.

today was pretty much so eventful. maybe not enough? or too much? or, or, or. i didn't get around to cleaning my room. i'm cool like that.

i wish i could wake up tomorrow an entirely new person all together; with a new past and something to look forward to.

i want everyone i know right now to forget who i am. i want a set of new people to start over with. i want completely superficial relationships that can never mean anything. i want to be immune to emotion. i don't ever want to fall in love or care for anyone... 'cause all it does is hurt and tie a knot in my throat.

maybe i just need to punch a few more holes into my wall and a cut some more scars into my thigh...

i'm a S W I N G E R .

weird and then some... but i can have walker and anyone else i want. completely and utterly emotionless lust and want. yeah. it doesn't feel that great now. what the fuck am i doing? he just wants a make out session whenever he's in the mood for one. this "open relationship" is more like friends with benefits. the screw up with that term is that if you're friends, then there're already feelings involved, which stands to conclude that some one will get hurt.

maybe something good will come out of this. like an entirely new boy that i can like without worrying about his level of commitment. wow, i did get something out of my 20-day trial with martin. so i'm ready for a serious relationship after all?