|
| I was engaged in some self-centered introspection today as I picked up debris in the greenhouse (note: I work in a greenhouse), and I came up with a Principle of Ruth. I don't have it distilled into a few neat words yet, but here's the general idea: when I am strongly opposed to something or just plain feel strongly about an issue, it is a pretty good bet that it is something I struggle with.
CS Lewis says in Mere Christianity, "A
silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation
means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation
know how strong it is" (see the end of the post for full section).
Examples:
1. Gossip. Sometimes it seems like I don't struggle with it because I don't do it, when in fact I do struggle with it. I just really like to gossip. It makes me feel better about myself. (Sad, but true.) I try very hard not to do it because once I start, I won't be able to stop.
2. I turn off the faucet connected to the hose in the conservatory. This is a really small thing, but it's the one that got me thinking about this. The other two greenhouse workers have been leaving the faucet running instead of turning it off, while I've been really good about it for the past week. It might look like I'm just really good at turning off the faucet. I'm not. I'm actually bad at remembering little things like that, so I've been really paranoid. I turn it off after every single use and check back frequently to make sure it's still off. This isn't because I'm good at turning off faucets -- it's because I'm bad at it.
3. Honesty. I feel really strongly that being honest is one of the most important things you can do. I have realized of late that being truthful with people is one of the ways that I show that they are important to me (like a love language; which one would that be?). This isn't because I'm inherently honest, but rather because I spent a large part of my adolescence telling lies. I was really good at it. I don't lie anymore --and, oh, how good it feels to say that-- and truth, truth, truth, truth truth truth is one of my very favorite concepts. :D
4. There are more, which I will add as I think of them... ETA: Alcohol! I don't drink because I am pretty sure that if I started, I wouldn't stop. I have an obsessive personality and I also think I would like the idea of getting away from life, problems, whatever. My brother has had problems with drinking, too. So I don't drink. :)
There it is! There's something that other people can use to know things about me. (I told you it was self-centered introspection. I was thinking, "Oh, hm. Someday somebody may want to know how I tick, and this would be a good thing to tell them.) It's related to a thing that I use to gauge myself: that when something really bothers me, like REALLY, really, want to chop off a finger and pull my hair out BOTHERS me, it's probably something that I do. Yup. Fact of Ruth No. 2. Helpful once you know it, but incredibly annoying and stupid-making when you don't.
The only case of someone annoying me in a huge way that didn't stem from something I, myself, did involved a certain maintenance wrangler who worked a camp a few summers ago. I bet if I thought about it some more, though, I might find something... because, yeah. That whole description of bothereredness above? Yeah.
-----
I realize that I haven't written anything about life or circumstances, but internet time is scarce and I was more excited about writing this up. Here's the short version: working in a greenhouse at school, but soon to be looking for a new job as this one ends; taking classes (Accounting and Spanish Lit now, Hip Hop and Statistics in July); preparing to study abroad in Ecuador and freaking out a little bit; living for free in the basement of an amazing couple from a local church; riding my bike around and enjoying Morris in the summer; in a wedding last weekend and had boatloads of fun; stopped at a streetdance after the wedding (have you guys heard of these?) and was mildly shocked by a) the massive amounts of people all in one place, and b) the massive amounts of alcohol. Fun, right? Get drunk and stagger around... And in August I'm free for a month before leaving for South America.
OH! And please pray for my boss. She's had one thing after another coming down on her. The school has given her a huge workload; her daughter, who is recovered from leukemia, fractured her pelvis while riding (the horse started bucking) and is in a wheelchair and unable to go on a much-anticipated trip to Europe; and today my boss got news that a good friend died in a horseback riding accident. It's all really awful and I'm not sure how best to respond to this last one, but I guess we'll take things as they come. I don't think she's a Christian, so. Even harder to deal with things.
-----
Full(er) CS Lewis Quote:
No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A
silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation
means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation
know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the
German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the
strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A
man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know
what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in
one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered
life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil
impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was
the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who
knows to the full what temptation means—the only complete realist. Very
well, then. The main thing we learn from a serious attempt to practise
the Christian virtues is that we fail (http://merelewis.com/CSL.mc.3-11.Faith.htm).
| | |
| WHAT A LUCKY MAMA I HAVE! My brother and I have conspired to buy her a new computer! My brother's got the funds and I've got the access (routine emails from Computing Services offering cheap campus computers + cheap software - try $9 for 2008 MS Office!) and we're going to get her an iMac!!! (specs: G5, 160 gb, 1 gb memory.)
Our mom's current computer is barely functional. It's only got a little space left on it (a few gb) and it runs really slowly. I think it's at least 10 years old. And she is not very tech savvy. Long have we said that if it were possible, oh, how wonderful a Mac would be for her! They're pretty, they're intuitive, they don't make you (or really allow you to) do lots of niggly little things to use them... whee.
We're going to give it to her on the first weekend in June. YAY!
My excellent mamasita will now have an excellent machine!
I hope she likes it!
| | |
| John Lyons is doing a Fleet Farm tour and making a stop at the Fleet Farm by my house! It looks like a slightly silly event - "John Lyons will demonstrate horse training techniques the first 1 1/2 hours of the show inside a 40' round pen on the store property," the flyer says; I can't imagine how surreal it will be to see that guy, with a horse, in a pen, in the parking lot of my suburban store. Good times. I'm excited.
Go here for more information and locations (http://www.fleetfarm.com/news_and_more/?n=8c4fc2431201). They've got the guy "performing" in St. Cloud and Lakeville on the same day. That seems strange. Too bad they couldn't let him do Oakdale and Lakeville together, instead.
| | |
| for old time's sake A good horse
I don't know who took this photo; I found it in one of my facebook albums. (If not me, then Tricia?)
| | |
| career wondering/wanderingIs there a job for people who are good at interviewing for jobs? getting jobs? I come across really well on paper. I interview well (I hear). I'm good at looking at the requirements for entrance essays and saying what is true but is also what the organization wants to hear.
I wish I were better at the actual job part of having jobs.
I know people who don't interview very well, but who would be great employees. Something is out of balance. It's like the people who do well on standardized tests, but badly in life.
Can I just rent myself out to apply to jobs for other people?
There's a program through AmeriCorps where you help disadvantaged kids apply to college. I think I would do well at that. Every piece of a bad history can be used to make an application even more attractive. Like a puzzle. Take the person apart, put them back together in such a way that the institution knows they want them. I would like doing that.
---
I'm excited about my program in Ecuador. Not excited, actually. Peaceful. I feel peaceful about it. I think I'm more prepared to go on a trip like this having gone through the last couple of years. I have tools that I didn't before.
I'm going to come out of it with student loans up the wazoo, though! The happy no-loan time is over. (Can I complain for a second? It's okay if it's about myself, right? Sometimes I slack off, and then I kick myself. I'm really kicking myself right now. If I had gotten my act together sooner, or at least started to, I could have applied for scholarships and covered a lot of the cost. Now it's going to be really tough. Grr self.)
HAPPY DAY to all of you! Happy day, happy snow, happy sun, happy smile, happy horse, happy friend.
| | |
|
