christiangirl0067's events

"I like long walks... especially those that are taken by people I don't like." Anonymous "The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." - Alfred Hitchcock "Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?" "The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'." - Larry Hardiman "Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!" - Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." - Mae West /"Should we receive the good from God but not receive the ill?" -Job 2:10 "If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names." -Elbert Hubbard "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back." -Fred Allen "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes. " -Author Unknown "A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him." -Sir Winston Churchill "When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football." -Author Unknown "May those who love us love us,/and those who do not love us,/may God turn their hearts,/and if He cannot turn their hearts/may He turn their ankles/that we may know them by their limping." -Irish Prayer "I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." -Elayne Boosler "The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. " -Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes "Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad." -P.D. East "We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction." "One death is a tragedy, a million is a statistic" "At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote." - Emo Phillips / "If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" -Scott Adams "About a month ago, I got a cactus. And a week later, it died. I got really depressed because it was like, dang, I am less nurturing than a desert." -Demetri Martin "A new computer virus is going around. Office workers everywhere will now be forced to play solitaire with real cards." -Craig Kilborn "So they're showing me, on television, the detergents getting out bloodstains. I mean, come on, you got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it. Maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now." -Jerry Seinfield "Let not the sands of time get in your lunch." -National Lampoon Don't worry about Al Gore's claim that because of global warming the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything, If you look at what you have in life, you have everything. I like parties, but I hate Pi鎙tas, because they promote the beating of flamboyant animals. Its like, 'Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let kill it. Basically what I'm trying to say is, don't make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did." "I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a girl who would break up with me if she heard me say that." "If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. One time, I tripped on escalator and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half." "An escalator can never be broken. It can only become stairs. There's never an 'Escalator Out of Service' sign, only an 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.' sign." "Rice is great for when you're really hungry and want to eat a thousand of something." "I was walking down my street at 3 in the morning, and the drycleaners had a sign on their door that said "Sorry, We're Closed." I felt kind of bad about them apologizing to me over that. I feel I should go in there and tell the guy, 'You don't have to be sorry you're closed, it's 3am and you're a dry cleaners...it would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open." "I think 'Employee of the Month' is an example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time."  want to make a 40,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. When you finish it, it says o Outside.? "I like grapes, because with grapes, you always have another chance. If you have a crappy apple or peach, you're stuck with that substandard piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, just move on. There are thirty more where that came from. Grapes - the fruit of hope." "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." - Steven Wright "If you always take time to stop and smell the roses, sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee." -Anonymous "It is our nature to sin, but not our nature to be of the world. Therefore we must separate ourselves from it..." -me "Your environment affects your attitude, and your attitude affects your environment." -Chocalite (from his request) "Friends stab you in the back, strangers stab you in the front, but BEST friends only poke each other with bendy straws" "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." -Rom.10:13 "But holding to truth in love, we may grow up into Him in ALL THINGS, who is the Head, Christ," -Eph. 4:15 "Why do people kill people who kill other people to show that killing people is not good? EXECUTION IS NOT THE SOLUTION" "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." "The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up" -Mark Twain "A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!" -Jay Leno "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -- Mother Teresa "Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you" "It important to know God on our side; it more important to know wee on His side."lmer Towns "It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics." - Fletcher Knebel "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." -Matthew 26:41 "Be yourself. Who else is better qualified?" -Frank J. Giblin "Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?" "That they may know that You alone, whose name is Jehovah, Are the Most High over all the earth." -Psalms 83:18 "This is how you defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First, you make him drop the banana. Then, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. Now you have rendered him helpless." -Monty Python "If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done..." -anonymous "Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, lookin at your stuff." -Jack Handy

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