Gravy Train "Hello Doctor" - music, 3.5 stars Gravy Train is best described one part rap, one part dance music, and three parts sex. With songs like “Kottonmouth BJ” and “Titties Bounce” you can expect “Hello Doctor” to be all sex, and it delivers full force.
For music, there are several key factors you need to look at when rating an album: vocals, music, sound quality, lyrics, and overall hotness of the members.
Vocals: Two. These people weren’t meant to sing really. They’re voices weren’t even meant to rap really, although it suits them better than singing does. Most of lyrics are done by female vocals although every once in a while Hunx, the gay male member of Gravy Train, puts in a bit.
Music: Four. The sound’s a little like techno, but not quite. Everything’s basically keyboard, organ, and drums. It’s an interesting sound, and it and the lyrics are what really makes this album what it is.
Sound Quality: Three. The album seems cheaply done, but they get credit since they haven’t hit it big yet. Not that I’m saying they ever will.
Lyrics: If you can stand a lot of dirty humor then the lyrics are fucking hilarious, especially “You Made Me Gay”. The lyrics are good enough that they almost outweigh all the other downfalls of the album.
Overall hotness of members: Two. This really isn’t crucial; I just like my musicians really good looking. Gravy Train dresses like extra-gaudy but their looks are sub-par. Hottest member award goes to Drunx, mostly due to the photo of her with her hair styled straight up, wearing a tuxedo-like top, black tights, and shiny silver shorts.
Basically, Gravy Train comes off as a joke of a band gone very successful. If you don’t care for the music or vocals, at least you’ll get a kick out of the lyrics. Also, the album is relatively cheap at eight dollars, so if you really want to blow some cash on a cheap laugh, Gravy Train is the way to go. | 
