Currently Listening Parachutes By Coldplay see related

my moms really scaring me. she doesnt remember anymore.

on monday night i told her i was going to visit my friend ahter work. she forgot, so she started panicking. she called all my friends asking where i was at. she wakes up my friends and their parents. when i got home she was in tears. she has so scared. she didnt remember that i told her i was going to my friends house.

the next morning i asked her if she was ok. she said "why wouldnt i be". she didnt remember anything that had happened to her the night before. so on sunday shes going to see a doctor. the doctor have her a survey over the phone to see if she needed to see a doctor. she totally failed. im so worried . i just cant loose her. she means the world to me.if i loose her i loose myself.

im so scared.

i w2ent to my therapist today,jk antonio jk.

today my mom really mad she keeps inviting all these people to my graduation when she knows i only have 5 tickets. she got so pissed at me because i told her i invited my father and i told him he could bring his wife.

so know she keeps throwing it in my face that he shouldnt go, he did nothing for you, hes no good. it just hurts so much for someone to say awful things about someone you really love but are afraid to say.

she just doesnt understand and she doesnt want to listen to me.

i went to my therapist today and didnt like what she told me, well i didnt at first but now see where shes coming from. she said i need to leave for a while. she suggested an out  of state college. she said i need to leave to find myself and stop feeling guilty for everything for saying whats on my mind. i hate not being able to say what i feel, and when i do say what i feel i end up hurting so many people.

i also acted like a bitch to my best friend. i hurt him terribly and didnt realize it. my friends decided to write shit on his car. instead of stopping them or clean it up i just let them.

yesterday my mom and i got imto the biggest fight i think we ever had. i hit my mom. i didnt mean to i swear. i keep repeating this in my head. now im on pills that keep me calm. i just got them today. i feel calm but i also feel so depressed i cant handle it. for the first time ever i wish god would do me a favor and end my life. i dont know if its the pills or if its just the real me, but i hate myself do much right now. i just keep hurting everyone.

maybe the therapist is right i do need to leave. all i do here is hurt people. i need someone to talk to. but i have noone. whenever someone comes along i just end up hurting them. i hate myself .