Dear God,

Sometimes I stab my legs full of holes and wonder why I still can't feel anything. Somtimes I look in the mirror and wonder why[why]why? Sometimes I pretend I'm Barbie. Sometimes I can see my veins before the blood comes pouring out. Sometimes everything doesn't get put back together perfectly. Sometimes I like it like that. Sometimes when the bruises heal and the lipstick has worn off, I lay in bed holding a butcher knife instead of someone's hand. Sometimes [onlysometimesbecause there'sneveralways] I carefully pick myself apart until there's only marytr scars and doll parts left. Sometimes I wonder why you want me [deadanddrowned] so badly. Sometimes [butnotneveragain] I let you see reality for what it is. Sometimes I put razorblades in my mouth and pray someone will kiss me. Sometimes the cigarette burns on my skin look like diamonds. Sometimes my heart stops beating and I have to put on more mascara. Always [neversometimesbecause thetruthhurts] & and then? Always and forever didnt mean much. But it meant something when you saw past the cosmetics and the cold hard plastic. It means some[thing]time you'd think about me when the sky was perfect gun metal gray and you felt like dying. I want my face to be what you see when you're paralyzed with fear and the ceiling comes crashing down. Sometimes I pretend I'm a mannequin in Nordstorms and don't move for hours. Sometimes the Band-Aid's come unglued and no one comes near me. Sometimes I wrap my hands around my own neck and wonder why I can't strangle myself. Sometimes I rip out my hair and break my fake nails to see what it feels like. Sometimes I put on my tiara's and pretend everyone's watching. Sometimes I write "Jeffree Star" on bathroom mirrors and smash them with a hammer. Sometimes my skin isn't perfect. Sometimes nothing[everythings]perfect but I cant remember when.