| | Last week, I bought really really cheap cereal. You know, the kind that costs $1.99 and comes in just a plastic bag? That stuff. I sorta knew it was a bad idea at the time, and probably bound to taste like cardboard, but I figured for $2, it was worth the risk. They looked like a shittier version of Cheerios... how bad could it be?
I had no idea.
The cereal turned out to be so unbelievably, astoundingly, deafeningly crunchy, that it actually hurt my ears when I was chewing it. It resonated in my skull. It vibrated my brain and jiggled my eyes. It devoured the farthest reaches of my soul. I actually had to let it soak in the milk for a few minutes before I could attempt to finish it.
Now the thought of the cereal actually frightens me a little bit. Considering the only time I consume cereal is when I'm half-asleep, still struggling to get the remaining crusties out of my eyes, it's a little bit too intimidating. I'd rather have a quiet, relaxing bagel. Or scrambled eggs, nice and soft. Or a small child slathered in soy sauce. Anything, really. Anything to avoid that horrible crunchy arch nemesis, just watching me from the cupboard and waiting to attack.
So beware. Evil comes in all shapes and sizes (and levels of crunchiness).
2 days ago, I had to wake up ridiculously early (around 8am) to finish
studying for a test. It was a snowy day, which threw me off because the
rest of the week had been sunny and warm. I was tired, out of it, and
cranky. And I had probably eaten some of that cereal earlier, I can't remember. I probably did. Either way, this preamble is meant to increase your sympathy for me and
hopefully stifle some of the upcoming laughter because the next thing
that happened was that, as I was getting on the bus, I walked into a
pole. And right after that, a blind man strolled by. Completely
nonchalant. Undeterred by the snow and the morningness and everything
else in his path. Bastard.
At the time, it made me feel better because my first thought was, "Hey,
at least I'm not blind. That makes me feel a little better about
myself." But, since telling this story to various people, their
reactions were something more like "HAHA, so the moral of the story is
that you can't even get through life as well as a blind man?"
IT WAS EARLY. :(
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| | Posted 3/31/2008 1:37 PM - 202 views - 7 comments
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