long times!!

so yeah its been forever since i been on here.  i moved i fell for a guy i don't think i can have although i talk to him all the time but i think he wants to be just friends. .  and i'm screwed like always!! lol hes perfect in everyway too it seems. .  lol i see his flaws and they kinda are a turn on because at the same time they bring him off the pedistool by proving hes just a man. .  they put him back on it and even higher proving that hes not afraid to fall or admite hes not perfect. . . shit i'm in deep shit and i don't know what to do. . . i hate men!!

oh yes and if you want to check it out i have myspace. . .

http://www.myspace.com/writerboi85

The Life and Times. . .

To answer Nena's question no i'm not gay for fear of commitement i fear commitment because i'm afraid to trust the other guy in the relationship because two out of three boyfriends cheated on me.  actually me and my brother had this convo earlier when he was trying to get me to turn straight yet again!  lol it would take a really special girl to do that exspecially now that i'm not trying to deny who i am anymore. 

But to go back to the whole drama. . . Andy and I are no longer talking because we got in a huge fight when he felt it was his place to tell a straight guy who had only met me once about my sex life without running it across me!  see the thing that pissed me off isn't so much that my sex life is out in the open as the fact that its out there and i had no control over it.  so Dan the straight guy went back and told Matt!  Big deal there is that Matt is in orlando training and really doesn't need or want any distractions till he gets back thats the only reason he didn't know already.  so when me and andy talked we got in a huge fight because he said soemthing and then everything was cool till he text me a half hour later telling me he was pissed!! lol yeah he was hoping i was sleeping and he could get it out without me being able to confront it but nope i was still awake and now he says that i can't talk to any of his friends because of our fight which i think is bull shit!  he just doesn't like the fact that i'm the only person he can't just say what he wants to and i'll blow him off!!!  really when it comes to andy i know his ego is to sensitive to be able to be chanlenged so i'm not scared to do it!!  hes the one person that really needs to be chanleged!! and put in his spot!  so i did it and he got really pissed at me and hasn't talked to me since his friends still do though!!!

later

leo

peices of me

so yeah whats new. . . . of course i really started to like andy and the feeling wasn't mutrual anymore. . . i scared him away.  idk he said hes still in love with someone i know that its casey but he wouldn't tell me who it was.  now things seem weird to me bacause they got so close and are diceeding back down to about just two people in passing.  which really sucks cause i saw something there that is deeper then anyone usually sees.  so either he faked it for ass that he didn't get or he got scared when he got close.  i just its just that when someone sees you . . . the real you you just want to run from it!  i mean really who wants to become iluminesent?  no one everyone wants to have a little mystery in there life and if you don't have it wheres the fun? but yeah so i got really drunk sat night at a bar and did way to many things that i shouldn't have!  yep i was standing naked in the bar at the end of the nite and didn't even care!!!  and i was making out with every one and idk what the hell was wrong with me i just let way to lose and had exstreamly way to much fun!!! and of course it was all free to me between greg and the bar thenders!  i ended up with a hickey on both sides of my neck from the one bartender and yeah the other one was wearing my boxers!! lmao somehow i got them off with out taking off my pants.  so the bartender wore them it was hillarious

well so thats been my life litely sluting it up and getting drunk and falling in and out of lust and not sure what to do with life but who really ever is

leo

Keeping it Interesting!!

so yeah we all know that i'm so soap opera waiting to be filmed!! anyways so the latest. . . met this guy matt that i thought was really hot. . . turns out yeah he is but he also likes to play the field which really turned me off when he thought that i was to far away to over hear his convo while he was saying that this other guy was really hot. . . so i started talking to his friend andy.  andy is amazing but at the time i just saw him as someone to piss off matt with cause matt is a really jeallous person.  so i started talking to andy and we ended up making out before end of the night well next night i went to gregs (the friend of matts that introduced me to andy)  and we hung out well gregs room mate mike was there and yeah yet again another connection to andy and matt and i was really drunk so things happened that i can't take back now. . .. but so andy knows everything just about he doesn't know that i started getting to know him to piss off matt though and if he did i'm not sure how he would take it. . . but so me and him where talking and i dont' know where things are going and at the same time that that scares the hell out of me it makes me feel so comfortable and secure because i don't have to worry about exspectations right now.  i am seriously afraid to commite right now because of my last two boyfriends.  i mean you can only be cheated on so many times before you lose you faith is the dick!  lol but yeah so where things are going i have no clue where i hope for them to go. . . i am not sure i mean i like him but he scares the shit out of me because if i get attached and try the realationship one of us could hurt the other.  and that scares me that i could hurt him cause really he is a great guy but if he hurt me in the slightest i'm afraid of where my vengenges would go. . . because with every time i get hurt it keeps getting worse i don't look so much at second chances or the throught of acidents anymore i look at it all as "you mother fucker you hurt me now its time to pay!"  very Kill Bill attitude!!  but anyways thats kinda the updated post theres a cute boi i like and at the same time i'm scared of and i'm trying to figure out the ins and outs and whats going on and why it is and where it will all go and I just don't know!!!  the only think i can say is he is the only guy that i have liked and havent' slept with yet. . . meaning that hes kept my attention without sex happening for the longest time of all guys

well yeah so i'm fucked in the head i know it and my life is just one big soap opera. . . hmm maybe one day i'll by a soap box to stand on and do some protesting thats always good for ratings!!!!! whats the verdict on that thought?

leo

so yeah life yet again is interesting. . . yeah started talking to the ex again. . . now i'm finally over him. . . yep since i found out when he told me i had an STD cause he had on and really didn't just to get rid of me!  yeah so the story goes . . . him~"hey baby you really need to get tested" me~"why?  i don't have anything if i did i would know by now " him~ "i have gono and i got it from you i was tested just before we got together and i was clean then your the only one i've been with since" (which i find out later is a full crock of shit and hes a cheating pathological liar!)  so yeah i did get tested and didn't have anything it was all a break up tactic!  so i still cared for him for a while but thats cause i never got through all the greaving which i should have already because the realationship didn't last all that long. . . but when someone breaks your heart at the tip of a hat with no real exsplaination you kinda just don't understand and when you don't feel you have anyone to talk to about it you hold it all inside. . . never good. . . . so i started talking to the ex again last week and found out some stuff and started to get over him then. . . then  i started talking to a fling of his and found out a lot of missing peices to my puzzle of the ex. . . bf's fuck buddies. . . and that he said all the same things to this guy to get rid of him as he did to me and did things in the same order. . . so yeah that got me over him really quick but now he wants me back . . . but i'm interesting in his ex fling who is so much more worth it then to just be a fling and hes such a gentalmen and a great guy all around! i really hope things can work out because tues hes going to go to orlando for flight attendent school. . . idk thats a hole month which means that i would have to only talk to him on the phone for a month and not really get to see him to see where things go!  but yeah thats todays scoop!!

love ya all

leo