Calamity

Merry Christmas 07 and Happy New Year 08... :)

Once again its been a long time. I think sometimes I think that I will start up and still start up for a long time...but I don't. I really want to keep this going though and only for my purposes. To go back and read about my thoughts and how I was doing. PURELY SELFISH!!

I have been sick recently. All the way through Christmas... on this my first married Christmas. And this year I was really looking forward to the Holidays. I was singing Christmas music throughout the day galloping around my office or my house. Patrick calls me strange. Since I know this already I just laugh and then thankfully he laughs with me.  But I got sick the night before Christmas Eve... and I was still sick all the way through Christmas. I made it though through all the parties and family shindigs. I would sleep in a room for awhile and come out and say hi and then go back to sleep. :) What a memory I made. Patrick's family gathering was at the cabin on the Eve day. And then we went to my parent's house for Christmas Eve for my family. Woke up and had Christmas day with each other at our house. Kind of strange having just two people there with you. Went over and had breakfast with my parents and that night headed down to Cinci for my brother, reagan, sharon and her family. It was a full Christmas. :)

It took a long time to recover. It made me struggle a little bit with depression. Long and short of it. People think I should do different things... meds or no meds with vitamins. Its a struggle actually. I don't know the right answer and I honestly haven't been praying about it. Maybe I should huh? If you haven't guessed yet. I struggle with depression. I don't mind talking about it though because I think more people struggle then let on. A new thing has occurred though.. anxiety. NASTY. haha. My aunt says we have a gene and that its genetic. I understand that. A lot of things are genetic....but I don't want to just say it's genetic so I should take meds. I believe in a God right? A healer. Am I stupid for thinking maybe I can fight this... like spiritual warfare. I don't know.. I think if it gets bad enough I will fight it with meds... but right now I am fighting it with .... well..... since I don't pray often enough I am probably fighting it with my own will (yikes). Anyway.. there is this vicious cycle. Either my body rebels against stress and I get sick(not what happened at christmas that was the flu)... but I mean like a lot of acid forms in my stomach and I get dizzy with results in more anxiety or depression..or the other way around.. I am a little down and my body rebels. Its complicated.

This is an area of struggle for me. It's almost like a thorn in my flesh. It's okay though. Faith arises in my deepest need and I am stronger and when this happens I also realize what is important. The people around me are the most important. Sometimes in the business of life .. my heart hardens to people... my priorities change and I end up a little sad until I am shaken up.

I am glad to be shaken Lord. I trust in YOU!

flying south

what a beautiful day today. i know we aren't going to have many days like this for a long time. I saw a site that brought a smile to my face. birds. tons of birds around our school. I could see their shadows everywhere because they were standing between me and the sun. although this was a happy site to see, I knew they were soon leaving us and with them went longer days and sunshine. the cold is coming.

when i was a kid i used to watch the price is right.... bob's famous line "have your pet's spade or neutered" didn't make a whole lot of sense then... but now it does. I see malnourished dogs walking our streets with no tags. Three of them of which sit outside our school everyday wanting inside to be fed and loved. I did call the shelter but hate sending animals there instead I would like to send them home with one of you. maybe not one of these dogs. but

                                  PLEASE consider rescuing an animal from our streets and shelters!!!!

 This morning I feel good... not when I first woke up but after I work out at the Ymca and head to work I couldn't feel any better the rest of the day. I really must make it a habit to workout in the morning, even if its one of the hardest things I do.

Last night was season premiere of Heroes. I know its only season two but I a wondering the larger purpose these characters have to "save the world."

This weekend we really didn't do anything eventful except participated in a golf outing..... have I ever told you how frustrating it is to SUCK at a sport. I just don't like loosing.

ah well...

its a good day.

maya angelou says "it takes a village to raise a child."

i would agree. I agree with the statement but anymore we have to say something else that mabye when that was written was understood.

it takes parents to raise a child. seems simple doesn't it? something that should be understood or reality but it isn't. We are dealing with parents who never had parents... some of which have been able to succeed at something they never saw in the first place and some which are failing not because they are lazy, stupid or incapable.. but because they have never had their soul touched to their core and need more HOPE.

where can our kids find hope? will they find hope if no one is out there advocating for them? our parents need hope? who is advocating for them?

thoughts.

ramblings.

me.