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Sunday, September 28, 2008

Squeakie Girl at 18 months

Took baby to the Canadore Trails yesterday, she had so much fun!

I can do it all by myself!!

HA! I told you I could do it!

Aren't I cute??

she was actually standing there whispering "wow"

BOO!

I see you!

Ima run away from you!!

I'm stuck...

Umm....Auntie Jen?

I'm Stuck!!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Just a little tidbit

It's been so long since I blogged that I don't even know what to talk about anymore. I have been staying away for a number of reasons, one of which is that I am lazy . Also though I have been dealing with a lot of crap, and I don't care to share it with the world. I trust all you my fellow bloggers, but there are some former friends who still have access to my acct that I would prefer knew nothing about my life anymore.

Part of the problem too is that I can't really talk about a lot of what is going on in my life at this point. Some day I can, but right now it would just put me in a risky situation.

I will say this, I am getting on with my life. I am seeing a councillor regularly, so far we have made no progress but thats just because I'm so stubborn lol. I still feel like crap a lot of the time but I have a plan to deal with that in the near future as well.

Baby is getting big, been walking for months and is now starting to talk. (called me "momma" the other day)

That's all for now....anyone know how to block certain people from viewing your blogs? It's been so long I have forgotten how to use this site!!!

Friday, March 07, 2008

It has occurred to me that the only time I ever post on here anymore is when I need to bitch. Well, to my loyal readers and wonderful friends on here, thank you for being my sounding board I promise one day I will post something pleasant and up beat. But tonight, I need to bitch.

I have been doing a whole lot of thinking lately. About everything from painting my apartment, to what makes a good friendship and why men suck.

I was lying in bed just now trying to go to sleep at a decent hour since I am still dizzy and weak from the flu bug that kicked my ass yesterday, but my damn mind won't shut off. A lot has happened in the past 24 hours as far as my messed up life is concerned and most of it is for the good. So why am I lying in bed thinking about the email I want to send out to J in response to her hate mail to me. I shouldn't really call it hate mail, I admit a lot of what she said was true. I was so hurt over it when I first got that email, now i am just plain mad. Mad that she would toss away our friendship over such trivial things. Mad that none of those things really had anything to do with her and I in the first place but mostly just plain mad that she didn't bother to talk to me about these things that were bothering her until she decided to send the email and then left me without the option to even defend myself.

I have been thinking a lot about how I define a friendship. I don't have many good friends, only a handful really (and actually that number seems to be dwindling monthly) but those I consider dear friends are as good as family. I think for me, a friend is someone who I would do anything for. Someone I can count on in good times AND in bad. Someone who no matter how many times I fall on my ass will always help me pick myself back up, brush me off and say "I still have faith in you". I don't think I expect a lot of people, I only expect of them what I would do for them in return. I always try to be considerate of other people's feelings. I may not always agree with what my friends do or how they are living their life but I always keep in mind just that, that it is THEIR life. The best I can do is be there and support them. I try to not let the little things get to me when it comes to life in general. I know I fail at this sometimes, everyone does, but when it comes right down to it, I don't know how to hold a grudge. Once I love someone, I love them for life. And I do love my friends. Past and present.

So what now. Move on you say? If only it were that simple. I will probably end up writing that email eventually if only to get closure. In the meantime I try to not think about it. Try to avoid talking about two dear friends that have grown away from me (if you can call it that), and try to focus on getting MY shit together. After all, the only life I can control is my own right?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Did some writing recently, sorry it's not very clear it is written in pencil because that's all I was allowed to have. You will have to click on the image to enlarge it enough to read all of it, if I get enough feed back about it being illegible I will type it out. I can read it ok, but then I know what it says

Saturday, December 01, 2007

I went to bed early last night, determined to get a good night's sleep so there would be no reason to not go to work in the morning. The past couple of weeks I have slowly flipped my internal clock so that I sleep days and am awake nights. Not good. I actually made a conscious effort yesterday to stay awake for the better part of the day so I could sleep properly. I slept for 3 hours. I have been up since 2, it is now 6:22. I did try to go back to bed at 4, but after tossing and turning for an hour I figured I might as well get up. This sucks. I really don't know what to do anymore. I made a doctor's appointment for this coming tuesday. I wish I could have gotten in sooner. I think I might ask him for some sleeping pills so I can get back to a normal pattern. It seems funny to ask for sleeping pills though when just a week ago I was sleeping 18 hours a day or more. I don't remember the last time I had a normal sleep schedule. Try as I may, I will never get it to be consistent it seems. There is a new drug out for fibromyalgia. I plan to ask him about that too. I have to do something.

Those of you who read my last post may notice a difference in the tone of this one. I hit that low with the depression about 2 days ago where I get pissed off at myself and start clawing my way back to reality. It makes me mad that I do this sometimes and feel sorry for myself. I hate that I can so easily check out of my own life. I guess the good news is I am well on the way to being myself again.

Now the question is, do I try and sleep for the hour and a bit before my alarm will go off? Or do I stay awake and then hope I make it through the day. I can already see where this is going. Sick day. I may be getting past the depression but the pain is still around and with it lately seems to come nausea. I am too young for this crap!