ok so i need to vent a lil but i dunot wanna use my other xanga cuz this is a very whiny whiny vent and well yeah so here goes:

so i think i've realized how right i was in thinkin that no one really cared back in march/april/may when i was on the verge of killing myself, i mean i see how much people are behind someone else in her time of need and i never ever ever remember havin that kind of caring and support behind me there were a few people, very few, who showed a lil bit of caring and i thank you for that, but i guess i just have to learn how to live without being loved  i dunno but for some reason it would make me feel so much better if i knew that during the trip or the concert or prom or the banquet or graduation last year if someone had said or even thought for even just a fraction of a second, 'Sandy should be here' 

ok so i wrote these poems in algebra the other day instead of falling alseep they're pretty bad (poorly written) but o well its just what i've been feeling lately.... the reason i dont have more poems on here is cuz a lot of them are pretty bad in the deep dark kinda way and well deep dark xanga entries are what started all the shit last year so fuck that!!!! ok here there are if you read these you might just learn that my one philsophy is failing again

In Loving Memory of

*Brad Alan Fox*

June 28, 1979- August 4, 2005

“Nothing Gold Can Stay”

Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

~Robert Frost

Take me away from this place

Take me to where there is no pain

Somewhere where I can wear a smile on my face

I don’t want to live this life anymore

I don’t want to feel all this pain

I want to float amongst the clouds

And mingle with the rain drops

I want to soar like an angel

And take pain away from this place

I want to guide people through the dark paths of life

If only I could find a way off mine

Take me away from this place

Ok this one I wrote when I was in vantage and Jean, my 'teacher'(she had less brains than a banana) was so impressed like it was the most wonderful thing she's ever read....

Water, Take Me With You

Your gleaming ripples in the moonlit night

The soft sound of your smooth body, ever so endless

The creatures you hold inside, protecting and guarding

Like a mother, you hold them close to your bosom

I long to join you on your long journey

From one end of the earth to the other

I aspire to be as beautiful as you

As you leave this hell and join the clouds

I feel your soft drops on my blushed cheeks

And I long to flow with your ripples,

Shimmer up in to the endless sky and fall,

Fall back to the earth with a soft splatter

You are the most beautiful thing to meet my eyes

Take me with you as you leave this hell

And join the heavens above, so peaceful and calm

Leave me on the clouds as you fall back down

Oh, Water, how I long to live your life!