hey guys!

Im doing better than i was last entry! ha.. im kinda just living my life and seeing what happens. Im not going to worry anout it anymore because everything will work out how its suppsed to!! Rehearsal today sucked.. Im ready for this break! its going to be absoutly amazing!!  Me and Bri went to the mall the other day to check our schedule (which we didnt get) and hung out with her friend Pavel! Hes a reall nice guy! Well im going to go study for econ.. boo!!!

ohh.. and MORGAN HOPPER!! I absoutly love you. and im sorry about what happened Froday night, everything will be ok!!

dear xanga,

things are kinda hard right now. im stuck, once again. Im sick of the whole "being confused" thing. I feel like he judges me too hard, and if i make one mistake, its the end of the world. I don't wanna be with someone like that. But at the same time, its HIM. the guy i have spent hours crying over, despertly wanting, and really needing. I need time to just move by faster.. I cant stand this waiting thing. I kno we're "just friends" but i still feel like our friendship is more. We will NEVER be just friends. And if thats what he wants then i dont wanna be friends with him, bc i cant take it. Its slowly killing me. I was hoping this rebuilding our friendship[ thing was going to be a good thing. And it was, until i messed up. But i wish he would be understanding, esp. in this situation!! I guess all im trying to say is im really confused as to how i should think of him.. like i wanna just get over him and start dating other guys. But at the same time i keep holding on in hopes there could possibly be something in the future. I shouldnt do that anymore i guess b-c i just keep getting hurt. But then i think none of this will matter if we just got back together. I duno. its hard. I honestly just want next year to come. Im so nervous about just getting into Julliards summer program. And getting good.. thats why i feel like i should graduate early. I hope thats not somehitng im going to regrete.. i dont think it wil be. well im out. --peace

hey yall,

today was my birthday. im 17 now. yay! ha. and what a great day it was. i wanna graduate early so badly. All i want to do is take an AMAZING ballet class all day and just start improving so much. It sounds damn goood to me, then maybe i will have a better chance of getting into julliard. I really just wanted ONE thing for my birthday. Something i can't ask for, something out of my controll. And i didnt get it. well im going to stufdy for Econ. oh yah.. my dads car just broke down so im spending my birthday night all by myself. GREAT BIRTHDAY. not to mention i go written up for not giving my cell phone to Mr fucking Davis. Bitch. ha. well im out.

***Tell me your

 favorite memory of

me, the one that

sticks out in your

 head, the one that

when you think of

me you immediately

 think of that time...

even if we dont talk

a lot...just intersted

 to see what i get***

edit--

so last night i hung out w/my girls.. we had so much fun!! Morgan, Katie, i love you two crazy girls!!

if you break up &

are still "just friends"

 then you were either

 never in love or you

still are..

^thought that was pretty deep.. ha

-Today i jus chilled and took a few power naps. Then i went to Spagetti Wherehouse for Bris bday dinner. It was pretty sweet. HAPPY BDAY BRI!! oh, my new nick name is, "BRICK." long story behind that shyt!

- I've also figured out pretty much the situation with me and Tommy. I guess you could say our relationship has so many "dents" in it that even if we decided to get back together it prob. wouldnt work. tommy and I are started all over i guess. We're just friends. And im ok with that. I would rather have him in my life as a friend then not in my life at all..

ohh... btw

This break has

been great, not

a dull moment.  

So i've done a lot of thinking over this break. I've come to realize that friends are the most important thing to me, old and new. Especially the ones who have ALWAYS been here for me. -thanks- Although everything happens for a reason, there are just simply things in life you're going to have to fight for.  But you just have to let go of those things that are out of you're controll.  You should never make decisions based on the future, because in reality, you have no idea where you'll be even a year from now. but sometimes you have to remember, People change, things grow old, and time moves on.

k-- thats it for now. PEACE

i wish i could get the fuck over this shit.  It pisses me off b/c right when im doing ok not thinking about it i get a text message that kinda gives me.. i guess u could say hope for our relationship. Although i knew i sh ouldnt have had any b/c its just not going to work. I wish he would have never fucking sent me that. no matter how happy it made me at the time, thats what i keep thinking about instead of thinking that its over, even though it is. I feel like my situation is diff. than others just b-c everything was perfect with us pretty much. i mean we had our fights but nothing serious. the only thing wrong was him leaving. And i think maybe it could have worked if we gave it a chance, but we never did.And its not like i havnt dated other guys.. i have, i just havnt really clicked with any of them i guess you could say. hah.. a guy im kinda "talking" to right now is really cool and hott and what not. but i guess i would just rather give up any guy to be with tommy. but i wish i didnt feel that way anymore. I feel like im crazy because im not over him yet and i should be. I guess im just remembering the past instead of living in the moment. I hate this.. well im out. Peace

Stop

expecting change,

he’s just a lost

cause that

you’re waiting on.

ps--- i feel like i sound like a complete loser.. ha