Sometimes I feel it would be easier to just close my eyes and let go of the wheel.

I do feel disheartened, sometimes, when I look around.  I do think, what is it that I am not doing?  Most of the time the answer is that I am not good enough.  Some say that's silly to think of that, but there has been a trail of rejection emails as proof.  Some say I don't want it bad enough to do something about it.  Oh, but if they only knew what really goes on.  I do not sit on my ass doing fanciful things while time passes by.  I know only too well that ticking clock of mine.  Forgive me if I refuse to sell my soul.

It is odd, how lonely you feel, despite having people around you.  Not just the feeling of loneliness, but that you are alone.  By yourself.  Because you have begun to shut out the world, in order to survive til the next morning.

I realise I am more ignorant of others now.  More cruel.  More nonchalant.  I live and breathe the 'couldn't-care-less-none-of-my-business-do-what-you-will' attitude, because I have my own demons.  I have become so vicious in the desperate struggle to stay alive.  There are days I feel like driving my fist into the wall.  There are days I feel like driving my car over the ravine.  There are many of those days.  When I just let go of the wheel, and close my eyes, hoping for an end.