(.........I do!) 

Yeah, a bunch of link/picture-posts.....Normally, I'd have some thing to say, but lately, I haven't been feeling "it" so....here are just a couple of webcomics some friends showed me recently that I think are pretty great: 

*SATURDAY MORNING BREAKFAST CEREAL is a comic that takes over where the PERRY BIBLE FELLOWSHIP (or, if you're not familiar with that one, "The Far Side") leaves off, giving you your daily (weekly?) dose of non-sequitor, inappropriate humor. 

Here are a few strips to show you what I mean: 

* RICE BOY is a rather epic webomic that has a very "animated Jim Henson" feel to it.  It follows a monomyth storyline to tell the epic tale of how the title character (Riceboy) saved the world of Overside.  If you liked "Labrynth," then there's a good chance you'll also enjoy this. 

NOTE - The guy who made "Rice Boy" is also making a follow-up/prequel called "The Order of Tales"....and while it's pretty good, it updates slowly.....so FYI. 

 There are usually some things you do that you undoubtedly regret later in life…..sometimes right after you do it. 

…..Like this weekend, when I drove out in the rain at 2AM for “Jack-in-the-Box.” 

…..or that time when I said “yeah, I can work next Sunday.” 

…..and let’s not forget the time I told someone they were ‘bitchy’ to their face as a joke and they thought I was being serious. 

I had one of those “called you bitchy” regrets last night at Dereau’s “Send-Off-to-Chicago” Karaoke party.  I thought I could sing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” all by myself on a Karaoke stage. 

Oh man, can I NOT. 

I’d like to blame this on the alcohol, but I really should’ve known better and stuck to songs I know and can do.  But none came to mind last night and I am now filled with shame. 

What was I thinking???? 

I may never listen to Journey again. 

So sad but true. 

My new place in Glendale doesn’t get good phone or TV reception (we don’t have cable because it’s seriously too much money for something we barely use) and as such, I’ve been relying mostly on Netflix / internet for all my TV needs.  And while it’s awesome that they don’t have commercials (makes watching stuff so much more efficient), I’ve discovered that I miss them because they tell me what’s going on in the world today. 

Commercials are like tiny, semi-entertaining RSS newsfeeds beamed straight into my TV that tells me what movies are playing, what new shows I should be looking out for and what important news stories I should know.  And they’re so IN-YOUR-FACE that you have no choice but to pay attention to them (unless you decide to get up and leave the TV). 

I know I could just check the internet a lot, but sometimes I just don’t have the time / energy to pay attention to all those notifications / pop-up ads that slow my computer down. 

So what I’m saying is I’m thinking of breaking down and getting cable.  My rabbit ears antennae won’t be much good after everything going digital next year anyways. 

I haven’t done this in a long time and I almost spent $$$ getting some CDs with songs that I already have (it just feels wrong to own songs and not have the CD) but I ended up just getting some $1.99 VHS’s and man, I made the right choice. 

I bought “Terminator 2 – Judgment Day” & “The Brady Bunch Movie” and I’m not ashamed to admit it. 

This brings me to my little rant about videos vs. DVDs

While I agree that there are a lot of benefits to owning a DVD over a videotape, I’m of the opinion that there are certain movies in the world that BELONG on VHS as opposed to DVD. 

“Terminator 2 – Judgment Day” is a clear example: it’s one of those movies that you really need to watch from beginning to end in order to really justify watching it.  I mean, you COULD skip past some scenes on the DVD and get right to where the T-1000 shatters in the liquid nitrogen if that’s all you wanna watch, but that’s clearly a waste of this movie’s potential.  That’d be like turning on the TV to watch an episode of “Lost” without having watched the rest of the series.  You just lose something by having not watched it from the beginning! 

Also, like the books you keep on your book shelf and the pictures you hang up on your wall, people you invite into your home judge you on the movies you keep by your TV…..and we all have movies that we love that we would rather those people not see.  These are our “guilty pleasure” movies; the ones that we can’t really see ourselves paying $20.00 for…..but still want so badly. 

Ex. of a “guilty pleasure”:  “The Brady Bunch Movie.” 

So when your friends peruse your collection of movies, you can take comfort that your DVD display only has artistic and intellectual movies that you’re proud to own.  (your copy of “American Beauty” & “Fight Club” for example)  And if you choose to let them see your VHS selection, you can always say “Hey, I like that movie, alright?  Besides, it was only $1.99.” 

To summarize – here are the movies that should be owned on VHS and not DVD. 

Everything else can/should be owned on DVD: 

I also bought “Clue,” but not on VHS.  (Couldn’t find it).  The DVD was only $8.00 though, so I broke down and bought it. 

SETTING – STEVE &EMMET’S APARTMENT.  Lights go up on EMMETsitting in a recliner chair, reading George Orwell’s “1984.”  He is dressed only in his underwear.  There is an empty carton of milk, juice and abowl of cereal next to him.  Upstage, STEVEis in the kitchen, looking through the cupboard and the refrigerator.  He leaves the kitchen, exiting and returningwith a pair of pants. He throws the pair of pants at Emmet.  

Steve:  Putyour pants on. 

Emmet: No. 

Steve:  Yes,Emmet.  We’re out of food.  We need to go to the store. 

Emmet: So?  Why do I have to go? 

Steve:  Becauseit’s your turn to pay.  Now come on!  And put your legs down.  I can….see things. 

Emmet:  Look,can’t you just spot me this once?  I’mbusy here. 

Steve:  Reading? 

Emmet:  It’s fundamental,jerk. 

Steve:  Wellso’s eating!  Now put the book down, getdressed and let’s go. 

Emmet:  Allright, all right!  Fascist…..! 

(Emmet puts his bookdown and gets up.  He picks up the pants) 

Steve:  And“1984”?  Didn’t you already read this inHigh School? 

Emmet:  Some ofus liked that book, okay Steve? 

Steve:  Look,whatever.  Are you ready? 

(Emmet goes to thekitchen) 

Emmet:  Holdon.  Let’s see what we need first. 

Steve:  We needeverything. 

Emmet:  Yeah,well I ain’t buying everything.  I’mgonna make a list. 

(He opens the cupboardand stares at it) 

Emmet:  I can’tbelieve you made me put on pants for this. 

(Emmet goes back tohis chair) 

Steve: What?  Hey! 

Emmet:  Golook.  We’re fully stocked.  Now when’s dinner? 

(Emmet takes off hispants and continues reading) 

Steve:  Haha,very funny.  Don’t take those off! 

Emmet:  Get offit, “Big Brother.”  We don’t needanything from the store! 

Steve:  Yes, wedo!  (goesto the cupboard)  We need….(he looks in the cupboard and stops)….soup,rice, noodles, hamburger helper—what is all this? 

(Steve pulls theseitems out of the cupboard one-by-one which have magically appeared in thecupboard) 

Emmet:  It’sfood, duh. 

Steve: But…..this wasn’t here a minute ago. 

Emmet:  Whatare you talking about? 

Steve:  I wasjust looking in this cupboard—literally a minute ago—and none of this stuff wasin here! 

Emmet:  Sure itwasn’t. 

Steve:  I’mserious. 

Emmet:  Yeah,well then where’d it come from? 

Steve:  I don’tknow. 

(Pause) 

Emmet:  This isstupid.  Just call me when Dinner’sready. 

(Emmet gets up toleave) 

Steve:  Okay,look: do you remember buying this hamburger helper?  Cuz I don’t. 

Emmet:  Youmust’ve bought it; I’m a vegetarian, remember? 

Steve: Right.  Okay, what about thismilk?  I’m lactose intolerant! 

Emmet: So?  I’m not. 

Steve: Exactly.  I would never buythis.  Did you buy this?  It’s unopened.

Emmet:  No….andI drank the last of the milk.  With thiscereal….here’s the container…! 

Steve:  Thenwhere did this come from? 

(Pause) 

Emmet:  Okay,this isn’t funny. 

Steve:  I’m notlaughing. 

Emmet:  I mean,one of us must’ve bought this stuff. 

Steve:  No,neither of us did. 

Emmet:  Well,then where did it come from? 

Steve:  Thankyou!  (Picksup the juice container and takes it to the fridge)  And the juice?  Gross. Put it back in the—HOLY SHIT! 

(Steve opens therefrigerator and finds a note which he pulls out.  The refrigerator is fully stocked) 

Emmet: What? 

Steve:  Look atthis. 

(He hands the note toEmmet) 

Emmet:  (reads) “Don’t ask questions.  You may not like the answer.”  Did you write this?? 

Steve: No.  Check out the fridge.  Fully stocked.  I….don’t even know where to put this. 

Emmet:  (looking around, suddenly paranoid)  I’m gonna go put my pants back on. 

Steve:  Okay….?    

Emmet:  We’reobviously not alone. 

Steve:  Saywhat now? 

Emmet:  (whispering)  Big Brother….(Steve doesn’t understand)…is watching us. 

Steve:  Oh comeon!  “Big Brother?” 

Emmet: Yeah.  How else do you explainit?  Fairies??? 

Steve:  I don’tknow, but….. “Big Brother”?  Giving usfood?  That just doesn’t seem right. 

Emmet:  Justthink about it:  one minute, the cupboardis empty.  The next; its’ filled withfood.  Same thing with the refrigerator…!  May not be Big Brother…but someone iswatching us. 

(Pause) 

Steve:  Youdidn’t do the dishes last night, did you? 

Emmet:  No. 

Steve:  holyshit. 

(Emmet takes thecarton of juice and drinks it straight) 

Steve:  Use aGlass! 

Voice:  (simultaneously)  Use a glass! 

(A DWARF appears frombehind the couch.  Emmet and Steve screamin shock) 

Emmet:  Holyshit, who are you? 

Dwarf:  Doesn’tmatter who I am; stop drinking from the fucking carton!  What, were you raised in a barn?  Here! 

(The Dwarf takes aglass from the dish-rack and gives it to him) 

Emmet:  (taking the glass) Thanks. 

Dwarf:  Don’tmention it.  And sorry about themilk.  We’ll remember that nexttime. 

Steve:  It’sokay. 

Dwarf:  No it’snot!! 

Steve:  Okay,sorry! 

Dwarf:  Look,from now on, just let us handle everything okay?  We know how it’s done.  And we don’t need you screwing up thesystem!  Cleaning, groceries, laundry,trash, mail….that’s all our turf!  Justpay your god damn bills on time and no one gets hurt.  And get an air freshener for thebathroom.  It stinks in theresometimes. 

Emmet: S-sure.  Anything you want. 

Dwarf:  And wewould appreciate it if the pants were left on in the living room.  This is a common area; for common peopleuse.  Don’t make us re-upholster thecouch! 

(The Dwarf exitsbehind the couch) 

Emmet:  Holy shit, that was a dwarf!

Steve:  Yeah…..! 

Emmet:  We’vegot dwarves living with us! 

(Pause) 

Steve:  Is thatwhat I sound like?  When he was naggingyou about the juice? 

Emmet: Yeah.  Sometimes.

(Lights fade)