Soooo, school has started again. The busy halls, friendly faces, unending homework...yup school again.

I would like to find someone to like, someone to call mine, but not fully. I am confused but I know what I want. hmmm, I don't know. I just want someone that I can count on ending up with at the end of  a night you know? I need to trust him. It would just be nice I guess.

this post isn't making sence I must go.

bye, kyla

lonely

I feel alone, really alone, more then I ever have. I'm tired of this dumb game my head is trying to play with me. It isn't fun anymore. I try to scream, but no one hears me. I try to call for help but no one answers. My usual escape from this horrid game is to go and be alone, but that's the last thing I need right now. I already am alone, but I still feel like I need it.
                   Seclusion...
                                    the only resolution.
                      ...to me.
I know something is wrong but I just haven't figured it out yet. This used to be my specialty, solving problems for others, but now I have my own.


Tears run down her cheeks, she trembles as she trys to speak,  nothing comes from her purple lips. No one loves this ugly soul because she doesn't love herself. Her head is screaming while her nose cries. No noise, not a sound, just her chest as it inhales oxygen, slowly, hardly at all. She wants an escape, but can't move, her arms are still and can't see anything. She's hanging by a string and doesn't want to be. I ran to her, frantically shaking her whole body, "Hold on, don't go yet, I love you." Seconds may have passed,but only seconds, until what I saw as a beautiful soul travel some place otherwise. My face becomes pale, I kissed her hand, and whispered, "somebody loved you, really loved you-you just wouldn't let him, you kicked  him out...a long time ago, but you'll see his love." I moved along, it was time for me to leave. It was a scene of someone alone, who thought seclusion was the only answer. But it was the last thing she needed.

kyla

ps. this is about me it is just me writing!

I want to shut the world out for awhile.

I want to leave this place and figure out who I am- Where I belong in life. I need to begin my relationship with Christ. I want to be wrapped up in his arms by laying in the grass, I want him to dry my tears with his hands while I hold the tissues, I need his shoulder when I amlost and alone so I squeeze my pillow and pray.
I love you.
I know you will try and save me from pain or help me through it, you have and will continue to send opsticle courses my way to test my knowledge of you. A wise man put two napkins in front of me and pointed out what exactly is it that we do things for, to forget momentarily, to belong, to feel loved for the time being.
No!
This isn't my idea of a happy ending. I want to always feel loved, happy, and at home.
I find my self trying never to go home, I just don't like it her-I'm surounded by things I want to pass me. It is a jog through my memory. I neverwant to go home.
I want to be very straight forward with all of you! I don't plan on drinking or smoking anything, I am giving my life to God, please try and respect that please. I am doing this for Me.
Those other things just don't amuse me like they used to. It's a depressant for me and it changes my character for the worse. I think my sober character is just fine for the days to come.

kyla

Soooo Come on home to North Dakota....

Home again. Sweet Sweet gome, here are some pictures from camp. Enjoy.

Me and kelsey on the bus ride there....12 whole hours!

about ten ours into our trip to crooked creek young life camp in colorado we took a stop at a tourist town called winter park. *casey, angie, cathy, laura, kelsey and me.*

My lovely Bunk at camp.

we had a day called costume day where we played a ton of games and had competitions with other cabins. This is of my cabin. * my leader, laurie, my leader, Rhiannon, Kelsey, Me, Angie, My leader, Mary, Laura, Lizzy, Sara, and Jesse.*

the boys on costume day

the guys again on costume day!

Me and Rachel on western day!

And then there was western day. *laura, kelsey, and me.*

Some of the guys on western day.

Garrett and I.

Through the Fire.

the girls!

garrett and Anthony on costume day.

Casey, Teddy and I, in winter park.

Us girls waiting for club to start.

Me on the climbing wall.

And the rest are from dress up day (formal day)

all of us girls

Mike, Me, Anthony, Kelsey, and Kevin

the girls

Amanda and I.

me with the two servers I had that week. * Jeff, Me, Bo*

We conquered that 3.5 mile hike up the mountain and the view was amazing.

and lastly me and kelsey on dress up day.


Love ya, Kyla!

I hate boys, seriously, they are all the f-in same ...nooooo I didn't hook up with wes brown. couldve but didn't - - - like that really matters. I can't wait to leave here- i sreiously wish I would never have to come back but unfortunately I do. I always do. I try hard to be someone that people want me to be. But I am just me this is the way I am. Soooo jsut leave me alone if you don't like me. Don't say shit that never happend I can't stand it. I hate boys. I HATEyou Allof you...leave me alone. I can't understand this. I don't get it. 
                     ------drama-------

is that the word of everyones fuckin life? This is leaving me rather puzzled. I HATE THIS BULLSHIT I am done with it. IF you are a boy don't even fuckin bother talking to me. I want nothing to do with you.

___________________________________________________________
ahhh glad I got that out of my system---phewww!

kyla