Current Mood: 
~I'll stop the world, I'll melt for you...~
What up, ma.
Dude...what a crazy trip life is.
So stuff's happened since I last blogged...and John's been out. And we really didn't even hang out...at all...and it's scary.
Losing a friend, I mean...
I really am done this time though...I can't keep waiting on him. He's never going to show up for me like I dream it... I can't keep crying over him. Five years....five years I've loved that boy. I know I always will.
But I have to fall out of love.
I have to, or I'm going to self-destruct. I've already done some stupid shit to my arm...I'm ashamed of what he lowers me to...
I had been so used to going out and hanging around with him, I figured things would never change...but he's changed..and people have changed....I need to change.
He was here today, but he left to go back home. And he never said goodbye...he never even calls me anymore...
So the next time he's out here, I'm going to show him what he did to me, and then I'm going to tell the truth. I've been lying to everyone, including myself, for so long...but I have to tell him now.
I love John...but letting go is the only thing that will save me from myself in the end.
Well, enough of this emo shit. Baby, I been gettin' wasted and hooking up with boyssssss. The past four days have been a blur to me...three and a half boys, free beer, a bottle of vodka, a thirty pack....you do the math, lil mama.
I don't care. I really don't. I told everyone already, this summer is all about sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll for me. I'm doing whatever the fuck I want with whoever I want, and I seriously plan to go back to school baked out of my head.
So bring it on, bitches and bastards...I've got a few more weeks of hellraisin', and I'm not stopping til some damage has been done.
~Aw no, she ain't no hoe, she just a badd bitch.~ | 
