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Sunday, May 21, 2006   You How come people get pleasure out of my pain?  How come someone can get me to the point of tears and just laugh about it? Why do I still care if you dont? Seriously, why do you have to do this to me? You know how I feel, so why do you just play off of that and hurt me even more? You know I am hurting.  You know I am frustrated.  You know I hate myself over this, yet you just keep on and keep on and bring it on even more.  Why?  What did I ever do?  I never thought I did anything enough to deserve this.  You see that smile?  It is fake because of you.  I am not myself anymore.  I do things I hate in reaction to the things you do to me.  I give up. Im sorry.  Okay.  Im sorry.  I surrender.  I cant do this anymore.  Im just sorry. 3:19 AM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Geiger

Wow. Just to know you are in pain puts me in pain. I really don't know what to say to make this better. My heart breaks for you and I want to make things better. I am sorry you feel this way. Pretty soon none of this will exist which I know isn''t much of a comfort, but we must remember that it still helps. Never give up just kick someone's ass. I love you and if there is anything that I can do to help let me know, and I will do it in a heartbeat. Posted by Geiger on Sunday, May 21, 2006 at 8:47 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

Saturday, May 20, 2006   Everything Happens for a Reason..... So why do I still feel the way I do? I'm not good enough.  I will never come out on top.  All I hear is "you could do better" about everything.  Everything!  So when will I ever do that "better" so people will be satisfied....when will someone just not tell me "you could do better" about every move I make?  I want to be good enough. I want to be a good enough friend, a good enough girlfriend, a good enough daughter, and a good enough sister. I want to be able to satisfy at least someone.....yet I believe everyone lives their lives wanting more.  They dont see the good.  They just want more and more.  Nothing is good enough to satisfy them.  And Im pretty guilty of it too yet I try to appreciate what I have and focus on the good but sometimes its just hard? Why do we live that way?  Why do we focus on the bad?  Why does everyone say "you could do better"?  Even when it is your best.  It can be very discouraging hearing it from multiple people about one subject.  Will I ever do good enough to satisfy that "better"?  Is there always a "better"? So now on to the real feelings. Im confused as ever....about everything.  My best friend told me that I always appear alot happier now and I see it too.....so why do I appear happier if inside Im tear myself up more every day?  Do I appear more and more happier on the outside the more I hurt on the inside??  I have regrets but we cant wonder the what ifs.  Thats for Nikki too.  We cant sit around wondering what if because it will just hurt us more and more every day.  We have to live for the present and for the future, but also live our life like there will be no tomorrow.  Pull your friends close to you and let them know how you feel about them because in a split second you never know where you or they could be. Im also tired of being told its my fault and always feeling that way too.  I can come up with any explanation of how anything possibly done can be my fault.  I can find a way to blame it on myself, and it shouldnt be like that.  Im told that if I would have done things differently that things wouldnt be the way they are right now and I wouldnt be having these feelings, but then Im also told that everything happens for a reason.  So I was supposed to act that way and Im supposed to have the feeling that some of my past actions could have possibly ruined my entire life.  Maybe my life is supposed to be like this.  Maybe I am supposed to live right now with regret, anger, and envy.  Maybe this is supposed to be like this too because I know for a fact that I am learning alot from this.  Im not sure where my life is leading me at this point, but Im determined to convince myself that everything will work out like it is supposed to and if it is supposed to happen it will. Im sorry for all of you that I have hurt.  I have no intentions of hurting anyone, and trust me, if I hurt you, it hurts me twenty times worse.  Im sorry for not being the person I should be.  Im sorry for not being the friend I should be.  I love all of you guys dearly. 10:23 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Chasing Cars	To know you feel this way, makes me feel sad inside. you have accomplished so much. I believe you always work at the highes level. how can you beat a 4.0? you are an amazing person and it hurts to know that you are second guessing your decisions. I think you are a better person after all that has happened. with me. jordan. most importantly Mike. you are going to be so successful in life. the only person that can stop you is you. please dont let that happen   Posted by Chasing Cars on Saturday, May 20, 2006 at 10:56 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Michael	Jennifer, you are so unbelievably awesome...if only you knew. You can't satisfy everyone, and eventually you just get to the point where it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. In the end, it's your mind and thoughts that you have to live with, not everyone else's.   you are great <3 -Michael Posted by Michael on Saturday, May 20, 2006 at 11:06 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

*ashley*

Jennifer.. I couldn't ask for a better friend! You've always been there for me! I love you very much! Be yourself ..... and that's all you can do! Posted by *ashley* on Sunday, May 21, 2006 at 9:37 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

Monday, June 05, 2006   People are stupid..... Thats it.  People are douchebags.  Grow up!  Why do people's life consist of only alcohol and sex?  Some of you need to determine there is a little more to life and those things cant always make you happy. 1:54 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	¢¾Ashton¢¾	AAAAAMEN!!! lol!!! I completely agree with you 100%!! I love you Jennifer! Posted by ¢¾Ashton¢¾ on Monday, June 05, 2006 at 10:30 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chasing Cars	Im sorry. ILl change my ways. heehee Posted by Chasing Cars on Monday, June 05, 2006 at 8:01 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Michael	Fine, I get the point...I'll stop.   Posted by Michael on Monday, June 05, 2006 at 10:13 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Geiger	It makes me happy when you say douchebag...lol...I don't know why people are that way..... Posted by Geiger on Tuesday, June 06, 2006 at 5:04 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

*~*Ashley*~*

I TOTALLY AGREE!!! Posted by *~*Ashley*~* on Friday, June 30, 2006 at 9:05 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

Sunday, May 28, 2006   Life is confusing..... So have I ever mentioned that life is so confusing??? Things can turn around so amazingly fast! I just wish everyone was completely honest. What is up with lies and deception?? 6:58 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Chasing Cars	can I know what happened? Posted by Chasing Cars on Sunday, May 28, 2006 at 9:57 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

a nother kind of monk

sorry to say life is like that alot it get so hard to trust people. alot of people that will do eny thing to get to the top or what thay call the top even if it mean betrayel. need somone to talk to i am hear for you Posted by a nother kind of monk on Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 5:35 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

Sunday, May 14, 2006   Sorry Current mood: crappy So everyone gets pissy about everything now.  Things that dont even matter.  Why does everyone act this way?  I wish I had explanations....but unfortunately I dont.  Another question is why do I act this way?  I guess I really dont have explanations for my feelings.  I need to get over a few things and move on, but its real hard.  I react towards those feelings, and thats not right either.  Im mean to some unintentionally because of everything going on around me, and I always feel bad about it because it's not right.  I know it isnt right, and Im sorry.  I lose my closest friends due to the fact that its hard to trust anyone now.  I dont feel like anyone is telling me the truth ever anymore.  I just feel decieved and used, and I dont like it.  Its obviously past things that make me feel like this, but I cant change it now.  Noone understands, and I cant get anyone to understand.  Ive done things that I regret, and I really wish things were like they were a few months ago.  I dont like this life that I am living now.  I dont like the way things are turning out.  I just want it all to be easier, and I want the feeling back that everything is wonderful and everyone else doesnt matter, but it will be a long time before I can feel that way again. I just want to say Im sorry to all I have hurt or pushed away due to my foolishness.  Im truly sorry.  Theres nothing else I can say at this point.  It hurts me to realize what I have done.  I am not worthy of y'all's friendships anyways.  I just want you all to be happy; seeing everyone else happy makes me happy.  I just feel that Im not helping out with that anymore, so Im not worthy.  I'm sorry. 11:35 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Hook_Em_Horns	HEY SWEETHEART YOUR AN AMZING GIRL YOU SHOULDNT FEEL THAT WAY.. ALOT OF THE WAYS YOU FEEL IVE BEEN THRU YOU NAME IT IVE BEEN THRU IT... MAYBE I NEED TO MAKE A TRIP TO SEE YA TO LIFT YOUR SPIRTS... AND HELP YOU BUILD YOUR TRUST.. WHEN I DO SEE YOU IN PERSON ILL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THAT HAS MAJORLY AFFECTED MY LIFE.... Posted by Hook_Em_Horns on Monday, May 15, 2006 at 12:02 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Michael	I'm sorry. You are awesome...seriously. :) <3 Posted by Michael on Monday, May 15, 2006 at 12:53 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	*~*Ashley*~*	Jen.... I am so sorry that  you're feeling like this!! And I am really sorry if you feel like i've been using you and not telling you the truth... I'm not and I always tell you the truth!! I love ya girly and you do to deserve my (and everyone else's) friendship...don't even say that you don't!!!  You are always so nice and happy to me... and when I'm upset you make me feel better!! I love you sooooo much!!! *~*Ash*~* ps...i'm sorry about talkin about PG so much.... i just really want to go.... and spend time with my seniors ya know? but that is still no excuse for me talkin about it SOO much!! and I am really sorry... I know it's annoying and I'll stop. And if you think that i am trying to use you for me to go.... i'm not I PROMISE!!! I would NEVER EVER do that!!! I love ya too much!! Anyway... I'm sorry!! Posted by *~*Ashley*~* on Monday, May 15, 2006 at 9:43 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chasing Cars	I still think you are an amazing person. so glad yall came to our concert. Im sorry for causing any of these feelings. and not keeping my mouth shut. Posted by Chasing Cars on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 at 6:49 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

Geiger

Jennifer I want you to always remember that I am here for you. You have done so much for me and know so much about me that there is no way I could ever repay you....you can't just look at the bad things you have done but the good as well....you taught me that...you see good in people that others wouldn't even look at. Don't be so hard on yourself you are one of the greatest people I have ever met and even if you didn't know it you have truly saved my life. You could never do anything to me to make me not like you. You have and always will be one of the greatest friends in my life and I want you to understand that. Whether you realized it or not you have helped me in tremendous ways whether it was just listening to me or taking my mind off things. I thank God for people like you everyday. If you ever need ANYTHING I am here. You don't always have to be the strong one. I promise that if there is anything I can do to help in anyway I will do it. Just let me know. Posted by Geiger on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 at 9:47 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

Tuesday, May 09, 2006   .......Life......... Life is so confusing.  I hate when it throws you curveballs and completely throws you off balance from how you have been living.  Things have just been making me think.....alot.....and sometimes, thats not good.  Im not sure what I want right now, and Im not sure what I am doing anymore.  Things just seem so out of the ordinary, and I dont feel like the same person.....and I really truly dont like it.  I dont like the way Ive been acting, yet cant seem to change it quickly either. Its mainly just things people have been saying to me.  I hate it.  I hate the assumptions people make and the immaturity of society altogether.  I take things way too personally, and alot of people know that, yet do things that they know will hurt me or affect me alot since it is that way. Sometimes I think I know what I want, and other times I think I know I want the opposite of what I did want, and times like now, I have absolutely no idea.  Confusing enough?  I just want to make the right decision, but Im not quite sure what that is.  There are also some things I do want, but cant have. Well friends are great, and without them I dont know where I would be.  I thank each of you who have been there for me and just had an effect on my life one way or another.  I am about to graduate and alot of old things have to come to an end while new things begin.  Im scared to death, but will make it with the help of you guys.  I love you all, and from my heart.....thank you so much. 10:33 PM - 9 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Michael Hey Jenny...I sometimes feel the same way, but I know you'll figure it out. You always do.lessthansign 3 :P Posted by Michael on Tuesday, May 09, 2006 at 11:27 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] *ashley* I completly understand what you're talking about! Thanks for always being there for me and helping me through rough patches! I think you're an awesome person and very beautiful! I think in the past couple of weeks we've all seen stuff that's made us second guess ourselves.. I think it's just the fact that we're all growing up... Some moreso and faster than others! Just know that even though we're not going to college together I will always be there for you! Kisses, Ashley¢¾ Posted by *ashley* on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 at 3:57 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] *~*Ashley*~* Jen... I'm sorry that life is so stupid and confusing somethimes... or most of the time... I don't know. I know that you've been going through a lot lately... and I don't know how to help you... I wish that I knew how. But what I know I can do is be there for you and listen to you when you need to talk... whatever...   I totally agree... I hate the feeling of having no clue of what I want... i mean I think that I might know... then I go thinking about it and then think about what i had before and then I miss that.... even though I know I wasn't entirely happy. It's very confusing and I hate it!! But I am here for you girly!! I love you to death... and don't thank me for being your friend... I just LOVE YOU and ...(really don't want you to leave)... yeah... there is no need for a thank you!! *MUAH* Ashley Posted by *~*Ashley*~* on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 at 5:11 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] ¢¾Ashton¢¾ Jennifer, like you told me , you deserve nothing less than the best!! NEVER settle for anything less than what you are worth ( and its a lot more than you think!!) You are such an amazing person with so many wonderful qualities!! You are a great friend who is loyal, trustworthy, and very dependable!! Anyone who is friends with you is so lucky to be!! There are so many wonderful things about you, things that you haven't even discvered yet, but you will in due time!! Everything is going to work out the way it needs to be!! Just hold your head up high and keep your faith in God!! He will carry you through this hard time in your life!!! I love you girl!! and I am ALWAYS here for you!!! Never hesitate to come talk to me...I can give as good advice as I can, or I can just sit there and be someone for you to vent to and I will listen to every word you have to say!!!! Always remember that your frends are here for you and always will be!!! Love you!! ♥ Ashton Posted by ¢¾Ashton¢¾ on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 at 9:24 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] Michael here's a short one for you. Posted by Michael on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 at 11:57 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] Michael Hmmm...that's not how you spell sexy. Posted by Michael on Thursday, May 11, 2006 at 12:09 AM [Remove] [Reply to this] I Can Open My Mouth Wider Than An Alligator Umm there is no actualr right decision.. It's just the outcome of the even ended favorably. The whole indecisiveness.. where's Jessica when you need her? I can't Spell!!  Umm anyway.. yeah that's going to be a giant life factor. Our Whole Class is actually quite mature. We know what to do and normally what NEEDs toi be done.. I ahve Faith i you Jennifer and if you need anything... hit it up.. oh and hey I hope thta work like two ways.. cause um I'm broke.. hahaha.. Just kidding.. But 50000000000000 dollars would still be nice.. Make It Happen! Posted by I Can Open My Mouth Wider Than An Alligator on Thursday, May 11, 2006 at 12:49 AM [Remove] [Reply to this] Toddopotamus Oh yes, I remember well my days as a graduating Senior, confused and worried about the path ahead.  Personally I wish we had been closer while in school together, partially cause I've known you for quite some time and because you are really a great person.  Basically the only words of advice I can give you is to just look forward to the new journey you are about to begin and screw anyone who wants to bring you down.  It also sounds to me like you have managed to brood a little jealousy in your years, jealousy and envy breed assumptions. So once again, screw them.  Also, fortunately for you, society does mature once you have escaped from the drama factory I call High School.  But I do know how you feel, taking things personally. You just gotta learn to roll with the punches and shrug it off, because you have no reason to doubt yourself due to something some idiot said to you, so don't let their ignorance (jealousy) bother you.  I hope you feel better soon, and good luck with all this crap. Posted by Toddopotamus on Friday, May 12, 2006 at 12:04 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] Hook_Em_Horns HEY SWEETIE I KNOW WHAT YA MEAN BOUT THE CURVEBALLS LIFE THROWS ME ALOT OF EM AND DAMMIT I JUST WANT A DAMN FASTBALL EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE... LOL.... NOT BUT REALLY SWEETIE YOU NEED TO HANG IN THERE THINGS WILL GET BETTER FOR YA IF I HAVE TO ILL MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR YA... Posted by Hook_Em_Horns on Monday, May 15, 2006 at 10:15 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]   Tuesday, May 09, 2006   .......Life......... Life is so confusing.  I hate when it throws you curveballs and completely throws you off balance from how you have been living.  Things have just been making me think.....alot.....and sometimes, thats not good.  Im not sure what I want right now, and Im not sure what I am doing anymore.  Things just seem so out of the ordinary, and I dont feel like the same person.....and I really truly dont like it.  I dont like the way Ive been acting, yet cant seem to change it quickly either. Its mainly just things people have been saying to me.  I hate it.  I hate the assumptions people make and the immaturity of society altogether.  I take things way too personally, and alot of people know that, yet do things that they know will hurt me or affect me alot since it is that way. Sometimes I think I know what I want, and other times I think I know I want the opposite of what I did want, and times like now, I have absolutely no idea.  Confusing enough?  I just want to make the right decision, but Im not quite sure what that is.  There are also some things I do want, but cant have. Well friends are great, and without them I dont know where I would be.  I thank each of you who have been there for me and just had an effect on my life one way or another.  I am about to graduate and alot of old things have to come to an end while new things begin.  Im scared to death, but will make it with the help of you guys.  I love you all, and from my heart.....thank you so much. 10:33 PM - 9 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Michael Hey Jenny...I sometimes feel the same way, but I know you'll figure it out. You always do.lessthansign 3 :P Posted by Michael on Tuesday, May 09, 2006 at 11:27 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] *ashley* I completly understand what you're talking about! Thanks for always being there for me and helping me through rough patches! I think you're an awesome person and very beautiful! I think in the past couple of weeks we've all seen stuff that's made us second guess ourselves.. I think it's just the fact that we're all growing up... Some moreso and faster than others! Just know that even though we're not going to college together I will always be there for you! Kisses, Ashley¢¾ Posted by *ashley* on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 at 3:57 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] *~*Ashley*~* Jen... I'm sorry that life is so stupid and confusing somethimes... or most of the time... I don't know. I know that you've been going through a lot lately... and I don't know how to help you... I wish that I knew how. But what I know I can do is be there for you and listen to you when you need to talk... whatever...   I totally agree... I hate the feeling of having no clue of what I want... i mean I think that I might know... then I go thinking about it and then think about what i had before and then I miss that.... even though I know I wasn't entirely happy. It's very confusing and I hate it!! But I am here for you girly!! I love you to death... and don't thank me for being your friend... I just LOVE YOU and ...(really don't want you to leave)... yeah... there is no need for a thank you!! *MUAH* Ashley Posted by *~*Ashley*~* on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 at 5:11 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] ¢¾Ashton¢¾ Jennifer, like you told me , you deserve nothing less than the best!! NEVER settle for anything less than what you are worth ( and its a lot more than you think!!) You are such an amazing person with so many wonderful qualities!! You are a great friend who is loyal, trustworthy, and very dependable!! Anyone who is friends with you is so lucky to be!! There are so many wonderful things about you, things that you haven't even discvered yet, but you will in due time!! Everything is going to work out the way it needs to be!! Just hold your head up high and keep your faith in God!! He will carry you through this hard time in your life!!! I love you girl!! and I am ALWAYS here for you!!! Never hesitate to come talk to me...I can give as good advice as I can, or I can just sit there and be someone for you to vent to and I will listen to every word you have to say!!!! Always remember that your frends are here for you and always will be!!! Love you!! ♥ Ashton Posted by ¢¾Ashton¢¾ on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 at 9:24 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] Michael here's a short one for you. Posted by Michael on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 at 11:57 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] Michael Hmmm...that's not how you spell sexy. Posted by Michael on Thursday, May 11, 2006 at 12:09 AM [Remove] [Reply to this] I Can Open My Mouth Wider Than An Alligator