| Station berikutnya...... Asia Jaya Taking an LRT to work sure has its sights and sounds. If you observe carefully, people watching on trains has equal entertainment value to the likes of dudes hiding behind bushes equipped with binoculars and sweaty brown button-ons in National Geographic specials. Like the Jungles in Africa, we have isle seats and steel poles, and for animals, we have the mak ciks, aunties, and young executives like me. For some reason, I do not see any uncles in the morning trains. Hunting for meat Just like an untamed carnivore, most eyes scan profusely for vacant seats. Standing is a no-no to some of these people, not after you've paid an average of RM1.60 for the damn ride. If opposition parties propose to build more seats on the roof for these lazy asses, we've got ourselves a new government. Mak ciks top the hunting list. Getting a seat for yourselves subjects you to being semi-encircled by mak ciks dying to plant their behinds. The moment you drop hints of standing up, their asses are already on its way down. (better get out of the way). Born to be king In order to be the top beast, you first have to prove your ass. Animal kingdom or modern society, they both live by the same rule. To own others, first, you've got to look the part. Executives are rampant both on the morning and evening trains. Ironed shirt, oily hair, a killer tie that matches a killer scent, these dudes aspire to own a car one day; or perhaps at least an iPod. One thing about this lot, they possess mutant-powered-like ear drums. Equipped with a music playing phone with minimal storage space, they pump a singular tune thru a discounted headphone which reeks into other people's comfort. One dude standing next to me once started blasting Black Metal, I actually could feel my soul evaporate. To sum it up, a passionate bunch with an abundance of determination, these gogetters will one day rule the corporate empire, lead boardrooms and strengthen our national GDP; or they might just end up with a Kelisa or a Nano. Either way, we will be proud. Mating call Mating in the animal kingdom is a natural instinct for survival. The male animal meets the female, they qualify each other through formalities like ass sniffing or playful fighting or whatever else that needs to be done, and then, ...they fuck. Similar to our animal friends, shabby looking men will stand behind a woman of his choice, waits until the train gets canned, and proceeds to the qualifying process. Unlike butt sniffing as an initial gesture of politeness, these men choose the direct route of forming an erection inside their pants, pressing their bulges against potential partners. This however has a 0.01% success rate, my thorough observations have concluded that women respond do not respond too well with this mate calling behaviour. Usually, a roundhouse kick or a heavy knee-up to the cajones follow suit almost in a reflex-like manner. LRT dudes, may I suggest dating instead. The stampede It's funny that most jungle living creatures move in hordes. They chill and mind their own business in a peaceful and calmly manner. But something catches their guard, they run, together, causing unintentional mayhem, spearing and owning anything in front of them. In other words, you're fucked. At a train station, civilized people lineup, politely, in a chilled out and calmly manner. And then the train arrives, it catches their guard, the line forms into a mob, the door opens, they push and shove, causing unintentional mayhem, spearing and owning everyone in front of them; and in some cases, people actually miss their exit points. So you see, animals and people riding the LRT have an uncanny resemblance. Except animals actually get laid. |
