thyroid issues & 'resolutions'

With every happy new year comes new reflections, reaffirmations and resolutions.  What would make this year any different?

I spent the entire morning today at my doctor's office.  I'm not sure how many of you (you that kinda know me through this blog) know that I suffer from hypothyroidism.  I was first diagnosed in '98--back then I was oblivious to it being a 'disease' and so did not take it seriously.  But, back in that day, my goal wasn't to lose weight at that time--it was to become pregnant----I had longed for a third child and since my periods were outta whack and my efforts at getting pregnant were dormant (5 years of trying), my gyno at the time did a blood check for underactive thyroid and voila! I had some answers for my nagging questions. 

I was only 27, I just learned that I needed to be on meds and that soon thereafter, when my periods regulated, I may have a chance of getting pregnant again.  And I did.

Anyway, back to topic, I was on synthroid, a low dosage at the time, and lo and behold, about 8 months later, I got pregnant!  Sheaina was a miracle to me. :)

After Shea's birth, I think I kept up the synthroid for a few more months and then the world of financial reality hit with a newborn and I put my health on the backburner and stopped taking the meds.

It wasn't until 2005 (after a brief scare that landed me in the hospital for a week), that I was put back on the synthroid and I have learned I cannot be without this med--it is a lifelong supplement for me.

Point is, in all these 10 years, my weight has flunctuated from 195-210lbs!  I have NOT been able to go much below that just by diet alone.

The past 2 1/2 months though, I made a *resolution* (this was done prior to the new year you know), to get into shape and see where that takes me, weightwise.  I started eating more fiber--lots of whole grains and got myself a treadmill.

When I first started on the treadmill, it was a bitch just to walk 1 mile and not keep thinking "how much longer is this going to take?"  But now, after getting on the treadmill regularly (I do 1.4 miles at a 3.0 pace and even began jogging at a 4.5 pace for 3-4 mins), my mind doesn't think 'time' but "how much more can I do"? And I am happy to say 30 mins is a breeze for me now.

Btw, the new Ipod I got for Xmas only enhances my workouts.

Anyway, back to the point---after these 2.5 months of walking/jogging regularly, of eating more good foods, when I went to the docs eager to see some kind of result on the scale, I was HIGHLY disappointed.  Not only did I NOT lose any weight since the last time I was there...I actually gained 2 pounds!!!!

I became so depressed and my doctor noticed.  I told him the whole story of how I'm trying--really trying and losing weight seems like a no-win situation for me.  :(

He told me to 'hang in there' and not to get discouraged, but all I wanted to do was cry.  How am I supposed to keep my head up and 'hang in there' when all the signs are pointing to nowhereland?

Anyway, after my little self-pity party I wallowed in after I got home, I decided to do some reading at the local Barnes & Noble.  From what I read, some of the things I'm doing (eating a light breakfast and eating too much carbs at dinner time, or using sugar substitutes that contain aspartame) all can negatively contribute to my vicious thyroid disorder.

This newfound discovery (and trust me, I have tons more to read), has given me new light on the things I have to do, the things I shouldn't as well as reprioritize the why in all of this anyway.  Why do I want to lose weight? Why is it so important to me? Why do I have to work twice as hard and why wouldn't I...shouldn't I?

So this new year, once again is a clean slate for reflections, reaffirmations and resolutions.  I have a whole year to work on this gladular battle, of staying motivated, and finishing what I've started.  It is a clean slate of which I've wiped away the past, leaving it clean for something new...and the first thing I'm going to write down is this......"Keep your head up high, make each day count...and yes, Just Hang in There!"