Currently Playing In Between Dreams By Jack Johnson see related

- Better Together -

well well well, im bak 2 after a month off from bloggin.  man it feels lik itz been more but yea, got bak into dis.  itz lik once u start u dont ever stop.  so yea, lotz of things hab happened since the last time i wrote in here. first off mai attitude has changed alot since bein wit sinead.  i gotta 2 admit she has made me much happier.  yea and mai mom went 2 the phillipines and lik shes comin bak 2nite so im goin 2 b happy.  funny story though when mai mom left tha mai auntie joy and kuya chris cam bak 2 US the same day mai mom left 2 the phillipines. lol well lik mai bro was generous enough to give them a lift since mai cuzin couldnt.  while drivin bak 2 mai aunts house in pomona, they were tellin stories of ther trip ther and it sounds lik i woodnt b able 2 survived ther, but then again i never been ther, so i should later on in life.  so yea, not alot of things happened but itz lik the things tha happened .  iuno itz confusin.  neways i think ill stop 4 2day.  MAI XANGA IS UP AND RUNNING SO LEAVE COMMENTS PLZ.  later boys and girls

screw it.

i hab no idea wha 2 live 4.  seriously. im tryin and tryin and tryin, but nuttin is comin up.  i keep drawin a blank.  i want 2 hab a successful life wher in the end i can pass important things 2 mai kids and their kids.  i want to stop thinking of all dis nonsense thas plaguein mai mind 4 so long.  i want to relax and hab fun.  but thers always sumthing tha isnt rite.  itz sumthing so stupid, but yet i still think bout habin up.  i mean if ur happy by urself, y continue 2 kill urself over not hab a gurlfriend.  im killin maiself left and rite cuz of dis common yet problematic issue.  i jus want 2 say, "u kno wha, stop troubling me.  JUS STOP WIT THE DRAMA CUZ I CANT TAKE IT!" im not sayin i dont want one, im jsu sayin tha im creatin self-drama cuz im living in mai own fantasy and living in mai dreams wher i should concentrate at the things tha r important, lik family, friends, and school/job.  i jus want to escape it jus 4 a while and b happy.  but it never seems to leave me, so im always goin 2 hab dis cloud of emptiness and lonliness.  i seriously jus want to hab fun and not worry bout it.  ive gotten advice from mai friends and ther are all tellin me 2 stop.  i want to, really i do. lik mai friend said, " if itz meant to be, then it'll happen" i love tha quote, but yet y cant i follow it?  i cant believe how much im hurtin cuz of dis stupid problem.  i guess i jus want everything to go mai way dis time around, but i gotta b patient.  im into the whole religion thing, so i believe tha God is testin me everyday, and it may not seem fair, but im goin 2 do it.  DIS IS ALL I HAB 4 NOW, B BAK 2 UPDATE LATER 2NITE

CURRENTLY FLOWIN THROUGH MAI HEAD: dakrness and emptiness.  nuttin can break itz silence over me

i cant even take care of mai own self. 

i dont even kno how i do it, but it seems 2 me tha ive been lucky mai whole life.

ive been bless mai whole life, yet how com it feels im still tryin 2 earn it.

even at mai best, it seems lik im doin mai worst.

im not sayin itz unfair, but mayb happy endings isnt how mine is goin 2 end

GOT DIS FROM UNI'S XANGA

Ten random things about me.
1. i love to to play basketball.

2. I would die without my family and friends

ther once was a boy, who had many dreams and wishes.  he wanted to b a basketball star.  he wanted to b rich.  heck, he wanted to b a power ranger hehe.  he had bushels of energy runnin through him and nothing seem to stop him.  but as time rolled on, his dreams and wishes were goin away and disappearing.  he believed he was bein spoiled by his parents, so he stopped his parents from tha wrongful way of bringing up a child.  then he starts to really see how the world looks lik.  he thought the world was sumthing to be not afraid of, sumthing tha looked really gentle and safe.  but dis was b4 he knew anything bout the world.

 now tha u has grown in height  and age, he believes tha he cant do anything.  nothing it seems to him seems to go rite.  he tries and tries and tries, but itz lik whatever he touches, he either breaks or tampers wit it and it can never b fixed.  he thinks tha he cant become anything in life.  he also feels lik no one likes him.  the gurls are always runnin away from him because he has a reputation of fallin for a girl who likes him.  every day seems to end in a sad and lonely ending.  he acts immature in sum ways and childish and others.  itz jus how he was brought up, wit his very first friend being a gurl and his first group of friends were gurls.  itz lik he's a bit emotional for being a guy, but thas jus how he grew up. 

he's always nice and friendly.  he's easy to approach and generous.  he never likes to get into fights or start anything bad.  he's always been a good guy, traditional in a sense.  he never argues and he loves his family.  he also wood do anything for his friends, even do the most couragous acts if necessary. 

yet itz not enough.  it was never enough for his friends.  not enough for the gurls though tha was the last thing he was thinkin bout.  his family cared, but to even himself, he felt low and unwanted.  he had the support from family and his friends, yet to himself he needed more.  he needs the feeling of accomplishing sumthing, jus to himself.  mayb he needs to show himself tha he has the confidence or mayb he needs to show himself tha he can rely on himself at times wher his family and friends are busy.  mayb itz time tha he needs to take hold of his life and see wha he can truly do.

who knows, mayb I can find out wha is truly buggin me and hope to see tha mai darkness and sorrow can mayb turn into a happy ending, or anything joyful, cuz i guess i need to experience tha once more