omg! its been 5 months since my last post...

so much has happend since then. Rubie and i have broken up. its been about a month now.  that was one of the hardest things i had to do. im still not sure if it was the best thing and what im really gunna do. then another thing is. i was struggling financially and i really need to get that in order. soo many things in my life has just gotten mixed up and pushed out of focus. i have waisted almost 1 whole school year and have accomplished nuthing successful. when im asked if i go to schoo or say am i working. i feel soo bad when i say no. i feel that im just becoming a loser, and turning out to be the last thing i ever wanted. to end up like my dad. growing up as a teen, i always told myself i wont be like him. so i tried and tried, but many in the wrong ways. soon after highschool, i began to go down. i began to turn into the person i was hurt from the most, my dad. i just became nuthing and let the days go by as it was nuthing. but wut helped me get thru some of my darkest hours was my good friends from church and god. so many times i have felt weak and just felt like, wut is to become of me, wut is my purpose. i know its hard, but i just have to wait for god to reveal his true calling for me. one song that just gets to me and shows how strong his love for me is who am i by casting crowns.

it just feels like my whole life began to fall apart piece by piece. its hard tryin to just start over and build it bak up. as a step of that process, rubie and i goin our different ways was the start of me tryin to get my life bak in order. even tho i love her soo much, its just i dont think i deserve to be involved with someone when i cant take care of myself. gosh, all i ever do is complain! ne ways enough about that. idk wut else to further say about all that. neways. imma just leave it at here for now. thanks for takin the time out to read it! haha

o_O" wow i have updated in wut... 2-3 months? haha

o_O" many things has been intresting since the last post

hey everyone, i knoe i have posted in a long time. a lot has happend since the last time. during the summer i was working as an observer, but i was "released" because i was really sick and i couldnt call in the next day for work. but its ok, things always work out for the best. my uncle had left for the philippines and i was able to borrow his car, while he was away i ordered a SCION XB, onyx blue, 5 spd. haha things between rubie and i had a lot of ups and downs. things got pretty hard between us but we worked things out in the end. i also had started college. i was soo scared, but somewhat excited. i made some new friends, and also did a lil tutoring.... haha funny isnt it? but ya, good thing about college is that u get more time to do things and more freedom. i began to grow more wit the band and wit god. it helped me get thru the hard times that i had and grow more as a person. well since then i got my car on 09-13-04. i had many strange looks, long looks, and questions about my car. its pretty koo having a car not many ppls have seen before. i try to take really good care of it. and hope to maybe one day turn it into a show car. wit me and rubie, many things had begun to change. 1st we have a fight about im the one that puts the effort into the relationship.... not too long after, things begin to change. on a monday after schoo. she comes over to my house and surprises me. i was really happy cuz she actually did something to see me. not too long after, my mom and her mom start to hang out, we both find that extremely weird n yet funny. next, she asks to come to church wit me, n she is allowed, and maybe it may turn into a regular thing. also this saturday 10-17-04 we went to her key club event, RTC. i was an "advisor" and had to watch over the kiddies, haha. it was pretty fun, at the end of the day, the REA:L advisor had to leave, so i was left in charge since i was the last adult left. so the desicion was up to me... stay for the dance to leave, but i saw that a lot of the students wanted to stay, so i said sure y not. it was a great chance for rubie n i to be together especially at night. it was soo great. i got to see her dance and shake her thang haha. after the dance i had to wait for every single member from votech to leave before i can leave, i dropped them all home and slept early for the 1st time on a saturday night in a long long long time.  ronald was accepted into UTI, so that means he will be leaving in the middle of summer to arizona, that means a lot of things will change. i also spent a lot of time tryin to look for a job, it was very hard and stressful. but one day i got a call from a place my friend jennifer from high school, refered me to. i went in for an open house, 1st interview, and 2nd interview.... and to my luck... i got the job!!! its $9.50/hr 5am-1pm im a customer service rep for t-mobile.  soon i can buy a phone and pay $20/month for 1000 whenever minutes, free nights n wkends, 1000 txt, 100 pic msgs. haha  well thats wut i can remember.. maybe its diff... anyways idk how that is gunna interfere wit school... its gunna be hard. but oh well. also there is this car club called scion evolution 702. i am thinkin of tryin to join and get sponsored so i can get cheaper stuff for my car done....my brother has also gotten another car. a 99 red honda civic hatch. who do u all think is gunna win in a race? hahaha. anways sorry for takin soo long to post, i had just been really lazy. on 10-23-04 is rora's baby shower... the ppls from cali r gunna come and i knoe we r gunna have fun even tho its a baby shower... the guys can chill outside n show their cars... mine will be the best one there.. haha jp u guys... anyways. i really miss rubie and even tho we have our fights and missunderstandings, im happy to be with here and hope she knows that.  so imma end it from here. i dont rmember much else...

peace out from the in out

education rocks! 02+02=04

SiNCE MiSTER CYRUS NEVER UPDATES HiS PAYGE.. i FiGURED i SH0ULD D0 iT F0R HiM.. SiNCE i DiD DESiGN iT.. PR0PS T0 ME ! L0L JM.. BUT JUST iN CASE U GUYS D0NT KN0W iTS STEPH ! HAHA.. WELL LETS SEE WUT HAPPENED LATELY iN HiS LiFE.. HE JUST RECENTLY WENT T0 CALi WiTH R0NALD AND WENT T0 ViSiT FAMiLY THERE, HUNG 0UT WiTH HiS BUDDiE PALS ND JUST HAD FUN !.. HE W0RKS 0N DEE WEEKENDS @ CESEAR'S PALACE FR0M 5 T0 1 0'CL0CK ND HE SAYS HE STANDS 0UTSIDE ALL DAY.. TUESDAY R0NALD G0T HiS CAR BACK ND ALM0ST G0T iNT0 6 ACCiDENTS.. WH0AA.. THATS AL0T ! ND HE'S BEEN THiNKiNG AB0UT BUYiN A NEW CAR.. SCI0N xA 0R xB.. HE WENT T0 TEST DRiVE THEM ND iSH G0iN T0WARDS THE xB.. BUT i SAY HE SH0ULD GET AN xA BUT HiS HARDHEADED SELF D0ESNT LiSTEN BUT iTS REALLY UP T0 HiM.. iT iSH HiS CAR.. BUT i REALLY REALLY H0PE HE GETS THE xA ! HE'S ALS0 ALREADY PAiD F0R SK00L ND REGiSTERED.. BESiDES ALL THAT.. HE'S BEEN AT H0ME CHiT CHATTiN 0NLiNE WiTH PPL LiKE ME ! HEHE.. WELL i GUESS THATS iT 0N THiS UPDATE.. iLL LET MiSTER CYRUS TELL U GUYS THE REST.. BYE BYE F0R N0W !

o_O" talkin to no one really

o_O" i just miss her soo much. y did things have to turn out like this?

man it has been a long time since i have posted anything on here, its been over a month.  a lot has happend over that time. on june 24th, i had my 18th birthday. i had become an adult and spent the day wit my friends and rubie. that was also the day ronald had an accident wit his car. and then time went on. 1 day i get a call from jane saying go to joseph's work and apply. so when i got there i got the job, a week later i start my 1st night. around july 2nd on rubie and i 5 month, she left to LA for lead america, some health thingy. and she was gone for about 10 days, she was gone on the 4th of july and her bday. i wanted to spend those days wit her. but we couldnt. then she comes bak and then her mom takes her right away to summerlin. i was told that rubie's uncle told something to her mom and it scared her i guess and she is being kept away from me at all costs. it has been now over a month since i have seen her. and thnigs have just gotten so hard and its juts to the point where i dunno. i tried soo hard in the relationship. and now its rubie's time to do something about this all. i cant do anything, it is all left up to her. i ove her sooooo much and she means everything to me. this weekend my mom goes to frisco for the weekend and im able to use the van. when i get to work something didnt seem right. they crossed me off and the site was closed. i wasnt told that the site was closed, i didnt get a call or anything. so wutever. and then today i get a call from rubie, she wakes me up n we have  a talk.... some things happend and we ended up breakin up. i really didnt want to. i wanna be wit her but i guess it may be the best thing for now. untill we knoe wut to do or something will happen. i just love her soo much but i guess time will have to play is part in all this. she has been wut i have asked for, the though of letting her go is as if letting go of a dream. right now i feel as im a lil wit a big dream, and its being torn away from me.... rubie is my bright lil star in the sky.... as each day goes on, it feels as if its vanishing away from me forever... i love you rubie

o_O" talkin to some friends

o_O" missin my bebz

I AM A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE!  after 12 long and hard years i have made it. the day that so many ppls look forward to had finally came. i was soo proud of myself. that night before i couldnt really sleep. i only got 2 hours of sleep. and the next thing i knoe.... the day has come. i woke up at 4 am and got ready. then i went to pick up rubie n got her something to eat. then i went to go pick up alex. after that i waited wit my bebz for a while at the thomas and mack and then i went to the tunnel and waited for the event to start. i said my hello's and goodbye's to all my friends. imma hella miss everyone that i have meet over the years. over these 4 years, i have grown a lot. many things have gone on that i wasnt prepared for or even sxpect to happen. but it did. and it has made me the man who u see before urself today. as we lined up, i heard the music playing and i walk closer and closer towards that curtain... i feel my heart beating faster n faster. i walk into that arena and i see the place filled wit family n friends of the c/o 04. i look over my right and i see who my partner who i will be walkin down. as i walk down i try to look for my family n friends. but i can not yet see them. i just think to myself that i had finally made it. i get to my seat and i look around and finally see my mom waving like crazy to me and i wave bak to her. next to her i see the love of my life, rubie, sitting next to her. just as she has told me she would since day 1. it meant soo much to me for her to be next to my mom on that day. i turn around and i see all my friends in the croud and i just stand there taking it all in. as the ceremony begins i just sit there tryin not to cry... being up there meant soo many things to me. i made it thru those 13 years of schoo (including kindergarten), how i have grown up to be who i am today, the pains n struggles my family and i have went thru, and most of all me proving to everyone and myself that i have made it where i am without my dad. i walked onto that stage and heard my name being called out. i hear the roar and yelling of my loved ones as i walk towards the person who had given me my diploma. i walk towards him and extend out my hands and smile big for the picture that i know that was gunna be taken. i walk down to my seat and wait for everything to finish. i sit down in my seat and open up the diploma cover and i softly cry to myself. earlier i had hidden a tissue in my sleeve and i took it out to wipe the tears away. as we stood up and turned our tassles from our left to our right, i felt an overwhelmin feelin come over me. i turned around and raised up my diploma towards my mom and began to cry. showing to her that i have done it despite of what everything we have been thru and i have been thru. as we walked out. i got my diploma and said bye to all my friends that i could see. i walked out and looked for my family and friends. after i saw them, they all came up to me putting lei's around my neck. after that i saw some other friends and introduced them to my girlfriend, rubie. after that, we had left to ronalds and i went to get cleaned up, i was going to change but i had left my shoes at the house. so i just stayed in what i was wearing. then i had made my way to the restaurant and meet up wit everyone where we had lunch. around 230. i went to drop ppls home and take care of some things. then rubie and i went to ronalds n hung out. then we went to mary k's n played some games where she beat me in racing  lol and then i had to pick up some stuff for her cousin and then took her home. after takin her home, i headed to my house n ate n took a nap. around 730 we left for sams town to watch. the day after tomorrow. we meet up wit ronald n bon bon there n watched it. it was pretty koo. but there was this hella annoying guy that i just wanted to throw the water bottle at n say shut up lol. anyways. i went to drop off everyone and went home extremely tired. the total count for how much i have recieved according to my mom is about $990 haha. anyways imma end this here. take care everyone.  everyone in the c/o 04 imma miss u all! take care and ill see u guys at the reunion! so peace out from the in out!