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| Whats going onFranklin and I have some news to tell everyone that we have just found out the other day. It's not bad news just news news. Thing is no one wants to know the news. It isn't the key of news you tell someone over a phone or in an email. This is okay news and it needs to be told and talked about in person. One reason that Franklin's parents aren't coming so we can tell them the news is because of Sammy. Well, This is how I feel on all that right this moment... Since things are the way they are because of Sammy I am about to talk to Franklin about putting my foot down and hard. This is what I have been thinking about talking to Franklin about and then telling his parents, I know this way of thinking is wrong and all but I am so sick of getting hurt and my daughter and husband getting sick because of him. The kids can't eat because of the man and a lot of other things so for me to make sure my daughter doesn't get hurt this is what I am thinking on doing. Please don't get mad at me. This is just how I feel right now... Because of Sammy and everything that is going on as long as he is living where he is then my daughter isn't allowed there. If I have anymore kids while he is there they are not allowed there. Until he moves out and things go back to normal my kids will not be allowed over there in that kind of hell. I say hell not using it in a bad way but that is how I feel the stuff has turned into. Also this goes for this momment right now... I ever hear of or see that man laying his hands on my three kids that are there and someone is going to have to get God and the cops out to where we are. I will be going to jail for killing him. No one is allowed to touch those kids or mine. No one but the parents and Franklin and me. I will not allow or set by and let someone hit those kids. Mom and dad can because they are mom and dad. But anyone else besides Franklin and me and that person better watch every move he or she makes. I will go off. Those kids are in learning places and need all that hell. Franklin and I both are older brother and sister and we are very over protective of the kids. I love them. They are brother and sisters and they are Franklin's. You never let an older brother or sister of something bad go wrong with the younger ones, never. The older ones will go off. And I am here to say I will go off over thise kids. So write it down, copy and paste I don't care because I will go off on someone for hurting those kids. I feel like going off on someone just because he is there and taking food from them. Ya'll just need to pray for me. I have a very bad side that is coming out because of the way things are. Well, this is just how I am feeling right now. Don't take it anyway other then this is me letting things out and trying to think.
Love you all
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| Sorry I haven't been on here in some time. Things are been busy at times. Tomorrow Franklin and I go to Bastrop to start getting our new apartment ready for us to live there. It's a good fine. I really wanted to move to rayville or monroe but Bastrop is good to. It keeps us in La and that is important thing. We are about an hour away from mom and dad. Closer then we have been in sometime. Future then what I want to be. But we are still in La and we can meet them in Rayville and see them. I am still planning on helping with JBQ. It has became a thing of mine. I enjoy keeping score and seeing the kids answer questions. Jonah is good at it. I enjoy being in there with the kids and seeing them learn about God and everything he has done. If you were to ask me why I am in JBQ, I would say, "Its because in JBQ I can see and hear what the kids have to say about God. What they have learned and the places I know the Bible can take them. They answer questions about God that I sometimes can't even answer and its great. They way they get happy when they quiz out and how much they learn. I really like remembering what they didn't know one week but the next week or two they know it." Its a great feeling to know that they are learning about God. Proverbs says, "Train up your child when he is young and when he is old he will return to it." That is what we are doing here. That is JBQ. Training up childern to know God so that they will always know God. We can't say if they will fall or not only God knows that but we can help train them now so when they are older they can fall back on God and remember what they learned now to help them then. They will know tha God loves them and so do we and that God is the only person that will always understand them. Its so good to see them want to learn about God and what he has done. My only thing is... I wish we had more kids to train up. I just pray and hope that when Lee-Ann gets old enough she will be able to get into JBQ. I also like being apart if it because I didn't have a strong family growing. I come from a broken home and still today I have trouble with it. When things seem hard on me and Franklin and I are fighting I feel like leaving and being done with it all. But that is how I was raised. My mom couldn't handle things anymore and she left. I didn't have a strong family so I know how hard something can be so I can be there for the kids if I am needed. I know life is hard and it only gets harder. Here lately I have been able to start being a daughter. The mom is not my mom but Franklin's. I am scared that I may not be good enough for her and all but things are working out. I joined JBQ to help her. It would give us something to do together but then I feel in love with JBQ. I would do anything that she asks me to if I can. I do do anything she asks me to do. I just hope I am being like a daughter should be and not some stranger hanging around. I am tring. I just hope its working. I know I still have a hundred more roads to go and more miles then I can court but to me the most important part is that I am trying and working on it all. I just wish at times that my mom would see that I tried to be a duaghter for her. I am not sure if I failed or if she is just the way she is. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her. Nothing. I just hope that I am good enough for someone. I know I am good enough for my husband but its a different kind of thing. I have always wanted a woman in my life that I could turn to and talk to. You know what I mean??? I don't want to be a nothing in life. I want to be someone. Someone that loves others and have others love her back. Well, I am going to go for now.
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| There are no words to say this...There are no words to say this... The other night Franklin, Elizabeth and I went to Bishops house. We went to visit and stayed for supper and the night. After we got done eating and we started talking, Bishop decided to call Bro. Markos(misspelled) and Sis. Hazel. When they got there all four of them (Angel included) went in to the prayer room. They talked for a little bit. Then they came and let us know that we are going to be interviewed and we would go from there about Dominion Life. We both went in on our own. It was hard to be interviewed. I was there alone and had to answer questions about myself. I became the center of the room and everything was on me. According to Bishop I had a few good answers. They all seemed to like my answer about Franklin and how I see him. They seemed to be very pleased at how I look at him. I am thankful that someone sees what I feel is right and backs me on it. After the interviews they talked about what we said and prayed over us and decided what they felt was where we needed to start. After that Bishop said he felt like we just needed to pray. He said that he felt like people have been trying to hurt us so the say. That people have spoken things bad into our lives and that it was time for all the bad words, hurt and hate to be broken down. They started praying over us and leading us. Before you knew it you could feel God in the room. It was so great. God showed up. It was great. So great. I haven't felt things like that in a long time. I have never in my life felt some of those things. I have longed for that. My heart and soul has longed for what happened. It was great. There are no words to say how I felt or what happened. It was great. They are planning on taking us from where we are now and helping us to so much more. It feels so good to have someone look at me and see where I am at and where I need to be and want to be and be willing to help me get there. They are willing to be here for us. They want to help us get to where we need, want to be and where God wants us. Its so great. Well, I am going to go for now. I have a few things to do.
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| Aug. 25, 2008Today my step grandmother passed away. Today is also her birthday. Also two months ago Franklin's grandma passed away. Two in between them. I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I don't like this. I feel like going off. I want to hit someone, anyone. I don't know how to feel right now. She was my step grandma. But here in the last few years she has been there for me. I know more about her then my own real grandma right now. So I am unsure of how to feel. What do I do? I don't know. I need help. My whole body is shaking. I am up in an up roar. I can go off at any moment. I feel like hitting someone, going off, going shopping (which its to late to do), driving until I can't drive anymore or do I dare say it... giving up. I can't take all of this right now. I can't. I can't handle this and what is going on here at moms and dads. Its to much for me. I want to go off so bad. I want the pain and confusion to go away. I don't know how to feel right now. I will miss her. I loved her. But she isn't my grandma, she was just a step grandma. But I cared for her. Last night I kind of told Franklin that something was wrong. I started hurting yesterday and a little the day before. I guess I knew she was going to go. I can't help how I feel. I want to be left alone. To be able to decide how to handle this. What to do. How to do it. To go be with the family or stay here. I need help. Its been two months since Franklin's grandma passed away and now my step grandma. I feel like .... Here we go again. One death after another. I feel like I have about four or five more death to go through. One after another. More and more and more. I cant deal with it. I want to go away. I want to leave. I want to go sopping and not be on a time schedule. I want to have fun. I want to be free. Please help me. What do I do? I need help. I have no clue how to feel or what to do? HELP!!! What do I do?
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| I am about to go off. I am getting really mad and upset. Franklin's uncle moved in, without asking to move in. He said he was going to stay a day or two. And he hasn't left. Mom said its okay he stays here. But if you ask me... He needs to start acting like a man and stopping being a kid. He does nothing. He play the playstation all day and then wants to watch moves or play all night. He won't fix he own food. If he wants something to eat he tells the kids or my husband to make him something. As far as I know, he hasn't give mom any money for food or the bills. He went out and got more games to play. His car is broke down. He didn't go get it looked at. He blames my husband for that. Which it isn't my husband place. He wants mom to take him back and forth to work, knowing she has to go to his work and then home and then back to get him, and not put gas in the van. He wants a free ride. He wants to take his money and get what he wants and not care about others. He wants to get what he wants and not pay bills or put gas in the vichels. And when asked about it all, i didn't know is all he says. He only hears what he wants. He is more a child then my one year daughter. That says everything. Sorry I am being mean but right now that is all I know. I feel like going off on him. Today, I asked mom if she wanted his cat in the house, the cat has been out side for over three weeks before coming here if not longer, and mom told me she wanted the cat out, so I took the cat away from Joy and put him outside like mom said. Joy said no. I told her mom says so. His response was no she didn't tell you that. She was right there behind me. Then he said if one cat goes out the other one goes out to. Mom said no. The other cat belongs to her, my daughter and my husband. They share the Prince. Mom loves Prince to death. That is her cat. Ask any of the older kids and they will tell you she loves that cat and he is the only animal thatis allowed in her house. Mom said no Prince stayd in. She told the boys that if he had a problem with the other cat going out for him to come and talk to her. He still hasn't talked to her yet. And I am guessing he won't. You don't tell mom what to do in this house. You ask her. Or you can say I would do it this way, but you don't tell her what to do. If you do, you answer to Franklin, me or her. None of does are good. I mean none of them. Franklin will try to kill you if not kill you over his mom. I mean we love her that much. If he would of came in there and started something, he probably would be gone by now or in jail. I am not joking here. We are over protective of mom. She is the nicer person ever. But never get on her bad side. I have only done that once. It was scary. I do everything in my power to stay far away from that side. FAR AWAY. I love her to death but that side of her will have you asking God to take you home. I guess that is it for now. I need to get some sleep. If I don't I may hurt someone.
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