it wasnt supposed to end. not like this. not ever.
you told me it wouldnt.

you lied. what else is new.
everyguy liesssss about everything

find me something real. i wanna have someone to hold on to at night.
sing to me in the car.
look at me while he plays his shows.
kiss me when he sees me.
wants to show me off cause im cute.
someone who can fill all my needs.
that can take me to the highest level of ecstacy

ps. thats not on drugs. i hate drugs.

find me that. be that. make me happy.

ONE - LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS.
[1] How many relationships have you been in altogether (yes, if you dated someone three times that's three relationships)?:  alright so lets think... at least 22
[2] Do you believe that you have to be a certain age to love someone?: no love is ageless.
[3] What's your sexual orientation?: bisexual.
[4] Would you ever date someone who has cheated on someone before?: yes, unless its a common thing for them.
[5] Would you take someone back if they cheated?: no.
[6] How long do you wait to have sex in a relationship?: hahah thats funny.
[7] Ever had a "friend with benefits"? Did it work out?: yes and yes.
[8] Give me a love quote/lyric that you agree with: love is inevitable.
[9] Don't you hate when people say "I love you" to their boy/girlfriends just a day after they started dating, especially when they barely talked to eachother before they began dating?: its annoying but  not my life not my problem.
[10] What does your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush smell like?: axe, shampoo, love :]

TWO - SCHOOL.
[1] What do you think about your 6th period class?: im graduated ;]
[2] Do you always do your homework?: i did.
[3] Don't you hate when you have to do an easy math problem a hard, drawn-out way because the teacher said so even though you can get the answer without doing all that crap?: my teachers never did that to me?
[4] Do your teachers ever preach about religion?: nope
[5] Don't you hate it when all the girls in the class freak out because there's a bee all the way on the other side of the room?: i stare bees down and get really distracted those fuckers are scary. so no.
[6] What's the worst grade you ever recieved on a report card?: f
[7] Do you think you're doing good in school as of right now?: i graduated so yeah ;]
[8] Are you good with tests/quizzes?: no.
[9] If you have a project due a month from now, when do you do it?: the night before
[10] Do you do your homework on the bus?: what bus? we dont get buses around here.

THREE - CRAPPY STUFF.
[1] When are you expecting your next period?: 2 to 3 weeks if it comes on time
[2] What's the last stupid thing you cried over?: jeff is being an ass today.
[3] Which one of your chores do you hate the most?: i have have chores.
[4] When was the last time you were dumped?: uhm idk. its been awhile.
[5] Do any of your exes give you dirty looks in the hallway?: i dont date within my school.
[6] Name a time when you thought everything was going to go well but everything went wrong: probably right now with jeff.
[7] Do you get emotional when those commercials about the starving children in Africa come on?: yes.
[8] If you were kicked out of your house right now, would you have enough money on you to support yourself for a week?:  no but i know people who would help me
[9] What's the last lie you told?: i couldnt tell you cause im not sure.
[10] Did you cry when your last pet died?: duh! i care more about my animals than humans.

FOUR - NATURE.
[1] Do you kill bugs?: occasinally.
[2] How many plants are in your room right now?: zero.
[3] Do you like being outside on a nice day?: yes
[4] Look out your window and find the nearest tree. Whose property is it on?: mine
[5] Do you recycle and conserve water to save the environment?: i recycle cans.
[6] Don't you hate how some people don't believe in global warming and call it "stupid" even when it's all over the news?: its funny they are liek its not real blah blah. fuckers are gonna die in a mass flood. then realize its real.
[7] Do you go swimming in the dirty ocean water?: dirty ocean water? shit thats like pure compared to lake erie.
[8] Are you immune to poison ivy?: no im actually prone to it.
[9] Do you always wear sunscreen or do you just want a tan?: tan
[10] Do you have a garden in your backyard?: no, its mostly cement back there.

FIVE - YOUR HAIR.
[1] What's your natural hair color?: dark brown
[2] Have you ever dyed it? If so, what color(s)?: haha thats funny... pink. orange. red. light red. copper. light copper. blonde. black. light brown. dark red. maroon. burgandy. auburn. purple.
[3] What do you want to do to your hair?: dye it back to light copper. i HATEEE HATE this blonde and red.
[4] Naturally, what kind of hair do you have (wavy, curly, etc.)?: loose waves.
[5] If you get your hair wet and let it dry naturally, would you be satisfied with it?: never.
[6] How often do you wash it?: it depends.
[7] If you can change your natural hair color and never turn it back, what would you change it to?: light copper.
[8] What are some haircuts you wish you could get but don't have the audacity for?: uhm i have had every hair cut imaginable.
[9] Do you cut your own hair?: yes.
[10] Don't you hate it when the hair-cutting lady cuts off like 5 inches more than you told her to?: uhm i do it?

SIX - HYGIENE.
[1] Do you shower daily?: no
[2] What soap do you use?: axe body wash. i like mens stuff
[3] Do you wash your face daily?: yes
[4] What color is your toothbrush?: green
[5] Do you floss daily?: yes
[6] How often do you wash your bedsheets?: like once a week.
[7] Do you wash a shirt after wearing it for a day?: no. i usually throw it somewhere and wear it again unless its stained or smells bad.
[8] Did you know that you can get athlete's foot by wearing the same socks twice in a row?: nope.
[9] Is your face always oily, dry or in the middle?: middle.
[10] How long are your showers?: not rushing 30-45 minutes. rushing 5.

SEVEN - SEX.
[1] What's the farthest you've gone?: all the way babyyy ;]
[2] Do you consider yourself a virgin?: hahahhahahahahaha
[3] If you've had sex, what age did you first have it at? If you haven't had sex, do you think you're at the "right age" for it?: 16
[4] What's your biggest turn-on?: hips eyes and teeth
[5] Where's the best place to have sex?: a roof.
[6] Would you ever have sex with someone you're not going out with?: hahahaha if you knew me you'd laugh too.
[7] Do you know how to say no?: now i do.
[8] Has one of your past boy/girlfriends ever pressured you to do something sexual?: yes.
[9] Do you have any weird fetishes?: hand cuffs. bondage. kinky shit.
[10] Would you ever have a threesome?: haha yes. dat soph ;] we are guhh at that.

EIGHT - FOOD.
[1] Do you like black olives or the ones with the pit better?: ew olives are dirt
[2] Do you ever watch those cooking shows?: no
[3] Do you like homemade brownies or the ones from the mix?: neiter i hate brownies
[4] Doesn't the icing on the store-bought cakes taste like crap?: no
[5] Have you ever had pizza with pineapple chunks on it? If not, would you like to try it?: no no no no no
[6] Has your school ever had a food fight?: yes
[7] How long does it usually take for a pizza to get to your house?: 30 minutes
[8] Do you call them "sprinkles" or "jimmies"?: sprinkles.
[9] On the subject of those, do you like the rainbow ones or brown ones better?: rainbow.
[10] Did you ever make your own milkshake?: yes.

NINE - SHOPPING.
[1] What's your favorite mall stores?: wet seal, forever 21, h&m, urban and charolette russe.
[2] What's your favorite online stores?: lush.com. jstar. urban. and heels.com
[3] Last item of clothing you bought?: accesories. and leggins.
[4] Do you look at sales and clearance racks first when you walk into a store?: i just walk around.
[5] Would you ever shop at a thrift store? Why or why not?: yes they are awesome. unique one of a kind.
[6] Do you go back-to-school clothes shopping even when everything still fits?: no.
[7] Do you try to keep up with the trends when shopping?: no i buy whatevs i want
[8] Do you buy clothes from garage sales?: no
[9] Isn't it annoying when you're shopping with a friend and you see something you really like but your friend keeps bothering you about how ugly it is?: no
[10] Name one item of clothing that you bought and only wore once or twice, or not at all.: my shoes.

TEN - POLITICS & CRAP.
[1] Pro-life or pro-choice?: pro-life.
[2] Hillary or Obama?: Obama
[3] Do you think that Ralph Nader guy will ever get elected?: no.
[4] Do you watch "The Daily Show with John Stewart"?: yes
[5] What about "The Colbert Report"?: yes
[6] Do you pay attention to the stock market?: sometimes
[7] Are you a feminist? Why or why not?: no, im just not worried about being a chick ahha
[8] Did you know that men still get paid more than women?: yes
[9] Do you think the war in Iraq is pointless?: yes
[10] Don't you hate how Osama Bin Laden is making all Muslims look bad?: i dont care it doesnt make them all look bad. only if your a dick you think that.

My Reading Final...

Wild Things

          I was barely two years old and every night I would climb onto my father’s lap with my sisters and he would read us a page from the book Hobbit.  In the next year of my life my favorite book would become The Wild Things, and I would take the book to my father and make him read it to me when I was in the mood.  Also, reading Go Dogs, Go! was another favorite when I was a child, which fit in with my love for animals.  In the next two years I would attend a preschool that did not teach us much besides a letter a day.  So shortly after spending my days in preschool coloring pictures and drawing my parents removed me from the class and I continued to read at home with my father.  I learned how to read from sitting on my father’s lap every night with my favorite books making him read them to me until I was tired and wanted to sleep. Eventually I memorized the books and picked up the sounds of letters and how to form words. Starting kindergarten I was able to read well for my age and loved to read.  

            As I grew I continued to read and was decent at it.  By the time I moved to Bay Village in third grade I had to take special reading classes because my reading level was below my grade.   For a year I would be taken out of English class and play computer games and board games in a special class to catch up on reading.  Also that summer I would come in a few days a week and take a class to further my reading skills by the end of my summer and start of my fourth grade I was reading at a fifth grade level and was reading any book I could get my hands on.  Which we had to be tested on through a computer program and if we passed we got a certain amount of points that added up to a prize of some sort.  As I finished my elementary with great grades in English and was excited and nervous for the start of middle school.  That summer I read books that grew larger in size and harder text each time I read with the addition to the large amount of teen magazine I thought were oh so cool at the time.  I loved reading and I felt so intelligent when I read.  As I grew I learned what I liked and knew this was something that I was meant to do, that I would never grow out of.

          As I started Middle School at Bay I was prepared for the classes and books to be more difficult but to my surprise I had excelled and did really well in school.  Fifth  grade went by fast and easy for me.  In sixth grade my teacher made the classes’ fun and they were surrounded with games and other activities.  We turned a book into a play and made the set and had elementary school students come and watch.  We played capture the flag and had it involve questions of literature this kept me active in reading and excited to read.  But as seventh grade ruled around I became distracted by my depression, along with boys, school drama, and friends.  These included me taking up harmful ways such as cutting and experimenting with things far above my age.  For the next two years my grades dropped I only read what I had to in class and used spark notes on all my summer reading.  I was more concerned with my social standing.  

Especially in ninth grade when I began to drink and start a downward fall in my depression and self respect.  I acquired anorexia that eventually turned into bulimia, which became very noticeable when my weight dropped drastically and I became very weak and ill.  Shortly after this, I had attempted suicide and gave up on all things that mattered.   After that I was not aloud out for a long time and I picked up reading again as a pass time, TV shows got old and you can only watch some movies on repeat. I had my mother take me to borders where I spent over an hour in the young adult reading the previews to the books and picking out what I wanted to read after several times to putting books back over and over.  I found the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower and it changed my life.  I finally found my type of books I enjoyed and that I could relate to and they made me feel like I was okay, that not only I felt this way about my life.  I followed by reading books such as Cut, Pure Sunshine, Crank, Impulse, and Burned.   That summer I met some people who introduced me to a better life and happy one.  We would sit up at coffee shops till 2 am and just talk about great literature and other things along the lines of movies and life.  They happened to be two to three years older than I was and taught me a lot about life and reading.  They introduced me to great books and discussions that kept me reading throughout the next year. As the end of that summer ruled around they all left for college and left me to attend Bay High alone my junior year, I continued to read at that point I had close to none friends and didn’t care for people my own age, and for the most part still do not. I would pass time by reading and occasionally seeing some of my old friends. I got to read the articles they would write for their journalism classes in college and talk to them online but it didn’t extend much farther. My junior English class at Bay was one of my highlights of the year. I got along great with my teacher and loved to be a part of the class.  But it was and still is clear that I have never been shy to speak up in class.  So I was rather upset when I moved to Lakewood with less than a month left of school my junior year.  But I was set on the idea of finishing at Lakewood, they wouldn’t enroll me, it was too late in the year and I could not return to Bay, it was not allowed. So I was shorted out of my credits for all my classes at Bay and was in a new town for the summer without knowing anyone. Which furthered my reading, but when summer ended and I started at Lakewood High School for my Senior year I learned that I was ahead in credits even for missing my credits at Bay I only needed to take a few classes to be able to graduate. I was put into British Literature and this stalled my reading somewhat for half of the year because I hated the class and everything we read and wanted to get away for it. I did not pick up reading again until the start of my second semester  when I was put in Contemporary Reading and Race in Literature, my two senior English classes.  The teachers were awesome and knew how to relate books and literature in many medias, which made me super excited to read.  And as I finish the year I am truly sad I won’t have the classes anymore and that I have no time left with them, it flew by so fast. But I learned a great deal in these classes and it has helped me understand so much more than I thought was possible or could imagine.

The Future is something that none of us can be sure about but it’s a great idea to think about.  In the fall I will be attending The Brown Aveda Institute for Cosmetology, and I will have text books to read and other forms of literature in my training.  But I plan on reading throughout my whole life.  It is something I have enjoyed for almost 19 years now and I cannot imagine stopping anytime in my future.  I believe that literature in some form will always find its way to me and I will find it. I am not sure what will come of the world as it changes and literature, if kids will read for themselves of have books that read themselves. But whatever becomes of us I am completely ready for it and excited to see it. I think that no matter what we will always be a reading world that it cannot, and should not change because there is nothing better than curling up with a good book on rainy day, before you go to bed, or any day that you are bored. I will always be a reader, I will always love literature, and I will always remember how I became to love it so much.  There is nothing as great as being able to put pictures to a story in your own mind, or being able to get a since of reassurance when your alone or hurting. Reading will be a never ending part of this world, I hope, and my life.

By Emily Zajaros :]

ima get an A!

1. I've been in love (or still am).
2. I don't really like kids all too much.
3. People tell me quite often I look good in skinny jeans.
4. I love everything that is berry-flavored.
5. I was almost named Ameila.
6. My favorite middle school year was seventh grade.
7. I was born in may.
8. Eyeshadow is the best.
9. I once said or thought that ring pops/blow pops/push pops teach kids how to give blowjobs.
10. I have codenames for so many people.
11. Texting = my life.
12. I wish money was an issue in this world.
13. When I really like a song, I'll listen to it over & over again till I get really sick of it.
14. I've had a song written about me.
15. but it was about how much the person hates me.
16. I write poems often.
17. I've been in a love triangle.
18. I play/wish I could play the guitar.
19. I'm obsessed with jones soda.
20. I love going shopping.
21. I have my own bathroom.
22. String cheese is really gross.
23. I wish I more healthy.
24. I really hate politics.
25. I have panic disorder.
26. Animal prints are awesome!
27. I tend to fall for people easily.
28. I don't beileve in gobal warming.
29. I can/wish I could skateboard.
30. I have so many inside jokes, I can't keep track of them.
31. I am a vegetarian.
32.  But not because of peta2.
33.  I want to be vegan.
34. I've always have been called by my middle name/nickname.
35. I am pretty innocent, once you get down to it.
36.  but I hate seeming that way.
37. I trust people too easily.
38. I hold grudges for so long, it's kind of funny.
39. If you need to get someone's attetion, just ask me to scream. I'm sure that person will hear me.
40. I'm teased constantly by my health teacher.
41. The little things affect me easily.
42. I've leagally/am leagally changing my last name.
43. I've been depressed for a long time.
44.  but I am much happier now then I was.
45. You can trust me with anything.
46. I go all out on my birthday.
47. I'm not really that upset about my apperance.
48. My best friend is a different race then me.
49. ^ I have two best friends.
50. I'm bisexual (or gay/lesbain).
51.  I've felt this way since middle school.
52. I hate coffee.
53. I love my hair to death.
54. Dresses are adorable.
55. My favorite flowers are roses.
 57. I have an odd color in my hair (like purple or green).
58. I'm not too scared to make the first move.
59. I've "broken&entered" a house before.
60. I hate the hotness.