so i finally decided just now to write a new entry in xanga. lol. its definately been a long ass time. never gone this long without writing a new one.

so... lets see. im really tired right now but i have a crap load of work to do so i cant take a nap. but definately cant wait till school is over. 2 MORE WEEKS!! but seems like time is going by sooo slow. blah. this semester definately sucked. i thought this semester would be better than fall semester. but definately NOT. my classes all sucked pretty much except for one and the teachers are stupid. and im hating the fact that all the teachers are trying to cram stuff in and making everything due at the end of the semester instead of spreading things out. >.< so thats nice of them. i swear, i cant wait till summer! though, i am gonna be taking summer classes at SLU and working. but i dont think it will be too bad. which reminds me, i need to look for a job. haha. yea.. havent really thought about that. im thinking about just working at some place in the mall. but iono what store yet so gotta figure that out real soon. then im leaving for china in august cuz im gonna study abroad there for fall semester. so im pretty excited about that. hopefully.. everything turns out well. im actually pretty excited about school next yr. cuz i'll be in china for fall semester then back at SLU for the spring semester. and in the spring semester, im gonna be taking all business classes which i think will be good since thats what im interested in. it'll be better than taking some art and scriences class or something. it might be a little harder but at least i'll enjoy it, rite? i think?!.... yea.. hopefully i wont die. but i will be commuting instead of living on campus, but i dont think it will be too bad cuz i only live like 15 min. away and plus i'll be saving money that way.

on a side note, so me and my roomie were talking just about school and such. then.. we somehow ended up talking about happiness. so.... after talking to her i realize that happiness is such a hard thing to achieve and who knew it would be so complicted, rite?! it is easy to say im happy but do u truly mean it when u say it. but i realize that i have been unhappy a lot throughout this yr. and most of it is because of me. i admit it. im not allowing myself to be happy by acting the way i am and being who i am. i care too much about what ppl think when i shouldn't and it is preventing me from being who i truly want to be which is bad. i mean why should i care about what others think of me. as long as i know who i am and i believe in what im doing then its fine. but it is easier said then done. i just wish i could just let go. and i know im a hypocrite because i have given advice to friends about just doing what they want to do and not caring about what others will think of it. so i admit that too. but it is hard to just not care about ppl's opinions, well at least for me it is. so this is something i definately have to work on in addition to the bunch of other stuff i have to work on too. like stop being such a worry wart and overthinking things. so i guess it will just take time. 

*sigh* school officially started today. meh.. iono how i really feel about it. but one thing i do kno for sure is that  i feel really shitty for some reason rite now. iono. I was really excited for it before and now that it started i just feel different. Im kinda homesick already which is a shocker even though i kno i can go home on the weekends. (yea i kno im weird.) Im going through all these emotions. scared, nervous, sad, happy and so on. Hopefully, its just a phase or im not used to college life yet and im not quite settled in. or im just weird. lol. i miss all of my friends. most of them went out of state. but all i kno is that i definately cant screw up this yr. and hafta impress the family and make them proud. they have sacrificed a lot for me to get to this pt. i feel really grateful towards them and do kno how much they really love me even though i really dont show it a lot. i kno im a pain in the ass a lot but im trying to change that now. hopefully, after this yr. i'll become a better and changed person. i hope good things come from this yr. being at SLU.

 but overall i think i just need to stop overthinking and overeacting. urghhh... thats soo hard though.

so summer is going good i guess. i have caught up on my sleep. lol. but i got my ears pierced today FINALLY!! i got my second holes and my cartilage pierced(on my right side). i was kinda scared cuz the last time i got my ears pierced, i was 6. so i really dont remember how it felt. but i wasnt really that scared bout getting my second holes. i was just scared my cartilage would hurt like HELLAZ!! and it didnt even hurt that much. i just felt a lil pain on my ears but that was it. so im glad i got that over with. so for ppl who want their cartilage pierced and and are scared of the pain, dont be. lol. just go get it done. it doesnt even hurt that much. TRUST ME! then i went to my cousin, anika's b-day party. she turned 6. she looked soo cute today and wasnt annoying like usually. hehe. jk. i luv her bunches! so i hung out there and ate cake which was yummy of course. she had an adorable hello kitty cake. but it was funny cuz she had to hurry up and blow out the candles cuz her mommy put one of the candle too close to the hello kitty figure on the cake and the lighted candle was melting part of the hello kitty. soo after all that, i was just playing w/ all the kids. then i went w/ my aunt to buy some stuff. and then we went home.

anywayz.... two more weeks till i leave for CANADA!! yay! cant wait. i'll be leaving stl and having fun. and i'll get to visit all of the family members that i havent seen in yrs. plus... i'll get to go SHOPPING. so what more could a girl ask for! and 3 more days till SLU 101. that better be fun. lol. but im excited to meet a lot of new ppl and pick out my classes for next yr. hopefully, all the good classes arent filled up.     

so its been hellaz since i last updated. iono, just been busy and lazy. lol. well.... im basically done w/ school finally!!! i have senior breakfast and graduation practice tomorrow. then its GRADUATION on sat.! i cant wait and im finally done w/ high school. but time flies. it seems like just yesterday that i was a freshman. and now all of the memories are just flowing through my mind. so i think i'll be sad on graduation day and i'll probably be shedding some tears. lol. iono. i'll miss a lot of ppl. but i'll see most of them in the summer cuz of graduation parties and stuff. and i definately have all my weekends filled w/ graduation parties to go to in june and july. so i wont be bored. but kinda sux cuz i cant do anything else. oh wellz. the parties should be fun. anywayz... so my summer just kinda started while everyone else have been enjoying it already cuz they've been outta school. but... i plan on enjoying my summer this year and having fun. im not gonna deal w/ drama and stupid shit. and i'll be worry-free. but.... im still worried rite now cuz SLU still hasnt replied yet. so im worried that i didnt get in and i should of known by now. plus my application stuff got screwed up so that slowed things down. ugghhh...   so that is hanging over my head. hopefully... nothing is wrong and i get in. if not... then im screwed. iono. lets hope for the best.

Goals I have for this summer:

1. workout & tone my body ( i actually plan on doing this. lol.)

2. lose weight- about 5-10 pounds

3. get tan cuz i hate my skin color now

4. get a job cuz i for sure need $

5. hang out w/ friends that i haven't hung w/ for a while & catch up

6. go camping since i havent done that in forever

7. go shopping since i havent gone in months. and im not even lying. lol.

8. start dancing again

9. meet new ppl

10. be worry-free and have fun and enjoy the summer