you know when you're surrounded by friends and family but you feel lonely? it's kind of weird.

i'm tired.

summer is here.

thank you.

i needed that so much. i needed it to be done. now i just want to relax and be stupid.

sorry that last entry was depressing. but i needed to do that. ponder not only the death of mr. adamzack, but death itself. untimely death.

and wow, you guys are gonna be weirded out. but i thought back to the lion king. and the circle of life. remember that awesome song? "it's the circle of life, and it moves us all, through despair and hope, through faith and love..."

and that is so true. because death, it's inevitable. and really, not something that should be viewed as scary or sad. instead, maybe bittersweet. but really, in our lives, all that we can do is live life to its fullest. love as much as we can. help others as much as we can.

and that's a really comforting, encouraging thought. sure, we're gonna die. sure, everything might, and will, go wrong. but all we have right now is today, and we just have to make the most of that.

that helps me a lot. because sure, i can't do much, but if i take risks, and push myself, and seize the day (carpe diem), then that is enough. that is more than enough. because really, it's more important to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. :)

"live as if you'll die tomorrow, dream as if you'll live forever."

wow, this entry has been totally full of quotes. but they're all happy quotes.

it's all so fast and insignificant, isn't it? life, i mean. the world is so big and i am so small.

i just found out that yesterday my neighbor died. he had cancer. we knew he was dying, but the doctors said he had a couple of months. he left behind a wife and child, kyle. kyle is so sweet. he has ADHD. i used to hate babysitting for him because he is so hard to control. and now he has to lose his dad, who was a wonderful, kind, and generous person.

i've been dreading this for a while. his death. it scares me that i could lose people who i am so close to. who i love so much. i didnt even know him that well. but my dad could have died just as easily.

i''m trying not to be sad. instead i should appreciate life more, right? and he is better off now. the state he was living in was awful. but i just keep on thinking of kyle on his wedding day and his dads not gonna be there. and its so sad.

it's all so sad.

i wish i could do something, anything. but i'm so powerless.

i'm sorry.

just, please pray for mr. adamzack. i dont really care whether or not you believe in a god. just think of him.

oh, and kjerstin is moving again. all good things come to an end.

love, jennie

INDIVIDUALITY

sometimes I feel like Dorothy

with her ruby red slippers

just wanting to go home

caught in a world that isn’t really mine

sometimes I wanna give up

and give in

things aren’t simple

like when we were little with our hopscotch

you never leave me alone

to be myself

and that’s never enough

well, what if I don’t give a damn what you think

did you ever think, I could be on the brink

of giving in to this

you cage, you kill, you’re so respectable

respectable, good, good, respectable

and then you go and you ignore

you pretend you cannot see

you’re so hypocritical, so blind

and you want me to be just like you

you chip away at me daily

telling me that this is what I want

and when you scrape away at me

taking away all of my faults

you take my individuality

you miss the diamonds in the rubble

i have my own opinions

i am different, unique

nothing you do will fix me

I'M NOT BROKEN

so accept what you cannot change

you will never cut me down

don’t you see?

i’m me, and that’s all that matters.

wrote that for survey lit. sums up a lot of what i’ve been thinking about lately. much love, jenn

so... lena was doing this survey thingy for geometry, and it was asking what is more valuable in the opposite sex, looks or personality. and surprisingly, this was a pretty tough issue for me.

at first, i was like- personality! of course! i was raised as a good little girl, what's on the outside doesn't matter, only what's on the inside, etc. but everyone was like, you're lying! then they named someone (i know that sounds mean but it was just used as an example) and i was like, no i wouldn't date that person.

that's awfully hypocritical, huh? so i kept saying, both to a certain extent, right? because i wouldn't date even the guy from lagaan (who is seriously attractive although sadly gay) if he had a bad personality. because personality really is important!

then again, if there was someone who you think of on the same plane as like a cousin or something, meaning that you are not interested in them like that at all, even if they had a fantastic personality, i wouldn't date them.

so i really couldn't have an answer, because you could only choose one. my answer would have to be both.

and that makes me seem really shallow, right, that i would have to take into account a person's physical attributes in addition to their personality. but i think that to a certain extent society and the media have enforced a certain level of superficiality into all of us. i mean, you've got these beautiful people having plastic surgery left and right in hollywood, resulting in giving teens eating disorders and low self-esteem. and then we see each other and ourselves by that same judge, and conform to fit into the "ideal".

argh. i don't wanna conform. i don wanna! ::throws temper tantrum:: okay, i guess i won't. :)

its funny how a stupid little math assignment can make you reevaluate yourself. so here was my shallow thinking about shallowness entry.

love jennie