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| these things compose me right now:
it doesn't matter what time i wake up or go to bed, i always end up tired.
my life is kids with autism, and it is not quiet. but i still want kids.
i do not enjoy wedding planning.
my eyes are so sore. i think i need new glasses.
it is common for children with autism not to be potty trained until 5 or 6, or never.
a quote from joey, age 6, this morning: "teachers?... i pooped. in my pants."
my life is kids.
my fingernails are embarrassing. (i'm a biter, and i am as nervous as ever given my circumstances.)
small talk with co-workers is stringing my brains out.
i haven't shaved my legs or armpits in a long time. i am hairy.
i have knee pain.
i am so fidgety.
ibuprofen.
flesh and bone and connective tissue.
does anybody else think it's weird that blood is considered connective tissue?
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| this evening while piling corn tortilla rounds onto a plate to make nachos, and eating the little broken pieces, i sucked a chip down my windpipe and nearly died choking on it. my dad got really worried and ran into the kitchen and tried to coach me through hacking the thing out of my larynx, and because i have been thinking about learning things from God, here is what i think i learned:
- although i am 23 and getting married in two months, i am still my dad's littlest girl, and he still loves me
- although my dad is sometimes brash and unbearable, he is still my dad and i still love him
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| my birthday was monday. it was pretty mellow. oh, except for the guacamole that i made which was pretty in-your-face awesome (as usual). actually, i think it was even better than usual because my brother's girlfriend's future roommate chopped the tomatoes and did a spectacular job, whereas i suck at chopping tomatoes and usually make the chunks too big and too messy (i do okay with onions though).
all of a sudden i am remembering the taste of plums... i don't particularly like plums. i remember eating them during summer as a kid, because we had a plum tree in our backyard and my mom would get mixing bowls and gather them. she'd put them on the table with a note telling us kids to eat them. oooh, summertime. ch-ch-ch-uh.
although i already have my wedding gown, i couldn't help purchasing a vintage dress on ebay for 17 us dollars. in the pictures it looked really pretty, with a nice silhouette. not to mention it is tiny (but still long). i was hopeful. when i got it in the mail, it smelled like a musty cellar and gave me a sinus headache. maybe i will try to clean it up someday, but for now it lives in the garage. the end.
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| the delicious dishin my preparations for being a married woman, i have been searching for the perfect dishes. not because i am a girl and i love dishes, but because i am neurotic and am irritated by nearly every dish design i encounter and would not be able to lift a morsel off one that did not wholly agree with my personal aesthesia of artistry and functionality.
fortunately i came across a dish that harmonizes beautifully with all things i find perfect:
 ah, the sheffield ironstone in golden meadow released 10-15 years before i was even conceived! how you recall the golden corelle butterflies of my childhood, yet with a more pleasing substantial weight! an open plate that does not confine food three inches from the edge! a graceful curvature but not so far as to resemble a bowl! yes, i am passionate for these dishes.
unfortunately, they are not easily come by. so i will continue my life with fiesta in persimmon (even my favorite fiesta color has been discontinued), and eventually when i am an old woman perhaps i will have a complete set of golden meadow.
update:
i have purchased a serving platter on ebay for seven dollars. that is a lot of money for me right now(and always), but i'm on my way!
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| once upon a time my little brother and i used to paste our teeth with stickers because we thought it was funny:
 
today at noon, he got married to his girl of 4+ years at the courthouse and it was quaint. in about four days he will be shipped off to train to represent the US as an air force soldier in saudi arabia. i am happy that he wasn't assigned a tour in iraq, but still, there is sadness. colin and two of his best friends, max and josh, all joined the armed forces after high school. max, who has lived next door to us since he and colin were babies, joined the marines and is stationed in washington dc. josh joined the marines also and may or may not be serving in iraq presently.
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