They always have a song that relates to how I'm feeling.

I don't know who to trust, no surprise
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies
(Trying not to break,
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Everytime I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring and time between
And how trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me)

[Chorus:]
Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear, for the last time
I won't trust myself with you

Tension is building inside, steadily
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts forcing their way, out of me
(Trying not to break
But I'm so tired of this deceit
Everytime I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring and time between
And how, trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me)

[Chorus: Repeat]

I wont waste myself on you!
You! [x2]
Waste myself on you!
You! [x3]

[Chorus: Repeat (x2)]

You! [x3]

This is in no way aimed towards anyone in particular.

Danish

<3

Gahhhhhhh!!!!!! It's been quite some time. Things have been relatively good for the most part, but recently it feels like I'm back in High School with all this drama and he said, she said bullshit. I'm really confused as to who I can even trust anymore. I say one thing to this person and I next thing I know eveyone else knows what I told them. I really don't know who to even believe. I'm told one thing and hear something completely different than what was told to me originally. AHHHHHH!!!!!!! This needs to end very quickly or I don't know wtf I'm going to do. These past few days have been like this and I don't know what to do. On top of all this I sliced open my thumb on my knife while trying to open an envelope. Hurt like hell and it went in deep so the bleeding didn't stop for quite some time. Oh and all those problems and concerns that I had before that I got over are coming back..... and are hitting me REALLY HARD!!! Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

According to everyone I'm no good for Betsy. I'm selfish, controlling, head so far up her ass, not caring for her current state of health, and numerous other things. I really wish that everyone would just STFU!!!!!!!!! and leave me and her alone. I know that I messed up in that past and wish everyone could see that I'm doing the best that I possibly can right now. That was all due to never being in a relationship and not knowing how to handle what was going on and I made a stupid and irresponsible choice. For that I apologize to eveyone for causing all those probelms then and wish you could forgive me.  I really care for her and love her but everyone keeps saying that I'm no good and that she can do better. If only they knew how much I have done and sacraficed to be with her and to help her. I'm getting really fed up with everyone saying these things behind my back and then when I'm around they act so completely different. I'm really starting to see how two-faced just about everone is. Hence why I don't know who to trust anymore. It was going great for a while there but now I'm going back into that outcast/loner state of mind again and I HATE IT!!!!!! I really love her and want this to last for a long time, but nobody will leave us alone or stop talking about us behind our backs and it's making it really difficult right now. I really wish I could just move FAR away right now with her and just start fresh and see how it goes. But that isn't going to happen for quite some time and for right now just need to make the best of it. I really do love you and wish you could trust me that I'm not leaving anytime soon when a problem arises. I will do all that I can to get it resolved before I even consider leaving you.

On a somewhat better note. "Friday" is coming along nicely and I should have her back on the road by this weekend. I'm having some issues with some parts that I ordered 3 weeks ago that have yet to arrive. Need to get that resolved. It's just some detail/trim work right now and then I can put in all the lights and audio equipment. *slight cheer*

That is all from me right now. I'm completely exhausted and need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is just a day away.

<3

Danish

Awesome weekend!!!!!!

FUCK Today!!!! Stupid speeding tickets, but I claim major BULL on this. Way to many conditions for what he said. Plus I have Emily as a passenger/witness so hopefully that will help. My own Mom won't even trust me on this one. Which really lets me down.........  Plus numerous other issues that have been bothing me......Gahhhhh.

<3

Danish

.............