:)

I've got the mid-quarter blues.
Which actually means that I'm sitting on my bedroom floor wearing strange puffy socks, pretending that I'm folding the mounds of just-washed clothing threatening to engulf me, drinking tea to soothe my strep throat.

You would never believe it but I am...using a planner these days. And, as lovely as ical is, I just don't like the multi-colored pattern all the deadlines make before my eyes. But it does make me into a more respectable member of society. Which, would please my father. Hi daddy.

"How was SPU?"

I get that question a lot these days. It makes sense. I just came back from my first year there, after all. But it seems flippant to just quip "good!" and move on.

For those of you who want the short answer, it is: "Good- not easy, but good!"

For those of you who have more time, or more interest...here goes.

Making the decision to go to Spu in the first place was a very roundabout process. I went through a period where God asked me to lay down all my plans and hopes for my future. And so in that place I chucked out my love for art and design, among other things. That year (2005-2006) in Dohnavur was a time when God chipped away at my perceived authority in my life. I don't know that I can honestly say that, before that year, I had ever truly experienced the weight of shame and grief over my own humanity. It was a year of intense brokenness and healing. It was in that place of grief that I began to really experience the depth of love and forgiveness that Jesus had always offered me. I realize now that brokenness is something to be prayed for, because it makes me discover the severity of my thirst for Christ and preciousness of his love for me. I am that prostitute spoken of in Hosea. And, that is actually good news.

In the process of re-ordering the way I looked at my future, God gave me back art and design. I had planned on sociology, or something. But, with my heart now in the right place- no longer trying to shove God into the box of my plans and my love for art, I began to see how God and people could be blessed through both art and design. I still don't know how I will use a degree in Visual Communications, or if I will use it...but I am at peace in this place. More than peace- I have joy in this place :)

I'm mostly at Spu for the major. I had some other options, but I felt like this is where God wanted me. I didn't (and don't) fully know why. But, I do know that I am in a place where I am learning to hear the voice of God, and so I need to step out when I think he says, "go". After making the decision I felt really ambivalent about it, but always when I prayed God would assure me, very clearly, that Spu was where he wanted me.

I remember sitting on the swings on campus talking to God (I like to swing and talk to God). Everything seemed very still and calm and I remember him saying, quite suddenly, "Melissa, I'm about to take you for a ride. Are you ready?"  My first response was mostly, "A ride? What do you mean?" But he seemed very insistent. So, not even really knowing what I was saying yes to, I said, "Ok, God. Take me for a ride, then. If that is where you are going, then yes, I want to go too."

And that is what this last year has been. A crazy ride. One of loneliness, of confusion, of some wrong turns, of silence, of heartache, of drama, and frustration. One that tried my patience and my capacity to love without condition or motive. It was a hard year for me. But, it was also an intensely good one. One of faith that leans on God alone, of learning that his way is best, of seeing God's faithfulness to provide in both small and big ways, of being taught to say "Lord, you are worthy" when nothing seemed right, and of finding God's presence in echoing silence. It was a year where I learned my weakness and inability to stand on my own two feet, and God's strength and ability to deal with all things. He is good, no? And, I can see now how he was often softly encouraging me, and actually blessing me throughout the year. God brought some people into my life who have come to mean so very much to me. They have been, above all else, symbols to me of God's enduring affection.

One of these people, Zach, was simply a good friend for most of the year. But, within the last month of spring quarter, we started dating. He's pretty much amazing. And, if you don't know him, I think you're missing out if life, personally.

So, yes, this last year has been good- not easy, but good. Why? Because God is good. Intensely so :)