I just watched some amazing Visual Kei tutorials.

I will post an image (or images) of me gone visual kei style.

So... I'll be right back. lol.

ja ne.

I have not slept for over 24 hours.

I have 2 reports plus a presentation plus a huge quiz to study for AND lots of Chemistry homework.

I'm back to my oldself again... no more happiness. I'm goth... again. I'm planning to stay this way. I don't see any reason to live anymore...

We talked about "if" we were to break up ... what would we do. I told him, "I would plan on being suicidal and cut myself more and cry night and day. My emotional state would be unstable. You are my everything"

And... this does happen.

*cries*

Life has no point anymore.

I know I sound dumb right now, but that's how I feel.

During the hardest two-four weeks of my life, my boyfriend falls for another girl.

The worst part is that, I've been working my butt off so I could pass the SATs and go to my boyfriend's senior formal. That way, I can see him. How I wish to hold him tight in my arms. But... it's all gone. Done. No more.

I understand why... but the timing is so horrible. I wouldn't be suffering as much if it was in the summer. In the summer, I could cry all night long and not have to worry about tests.

Now... my emotion level has gone hay-wired.

I can't control it.

My mind is all in a mess.

This all happened the week of the end of 3rd quarter in school, and that means... 2 weeks of piled up TESTS.

And... my SAT [real one] testing is next week saturday.

I'm extremely suicidle right now, knowing that my hard work is not going towards a dream. It's tireless work with no point... except getting into college and becoming a pharmacist/fashion designer. 

Some of my friends knew he was going to tell me this news soon. And they didn't tell me, which pissed me off. I understand why they didn't tell me, but still.

My ex-boyfriend is... my everything. As much as I want him back... I want him to have his real dream come true. It was the best 6 months of my life with him. No one can replace him. He was utterly amazing.... Perfect, as one might call it.

We had so much things together and everything reminds me of him. He inspired me to write songs and now, whenever I write/finish a new song... I cry. cry. cry.

I've been crying for over 24 hours straight. My eye hurts. And My tears have not stopped. He means everything to me. everything.... everything.... *cries more*

I cried when I got to school. In class. Lunch. Break. Home. Bed...

I have not slept since.

We broke up.... February 28th... our 6TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY...

*cries*