|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Cage JoustingIn April we were sitting in Game Theory and learning about bidding. Apparently there is no good way to assign payoffs to two bidders who tie for the highest bid, so each person has their payoffs divided by two in mathematical solutions. I find this unacceptable. I first suggested Cage Match to determine winner, and then decided that jousting would be a better method. Five minutes later, I stumbled upon the most baller way ever to determine who wins: cage jousting. I then spent the day's lecture writing rules for game. The scenario we were discussing was bidding for tulips. Earlier today I found the notebook I recorded the rules in, and need to electronically record them before the notes go into a burn pile: Rules for Cage Jousting 1. Two men enter, 1 exits.
2. Horses are not considered men.
3. Two horses enter.
4. 2, 1, or none horses exit.
5. Men must remain on horses: floor fighting off-limits.
6. It's not fair to knock another man's horse off-balance to get him on the ground.
7. If another man is aiming at your horse, he is not aiming for you. Hence, you have a free shot. If you cannot succeed in knocking him off, you suck.
8. If joust ends in tie, winning horse receives tulip.
9. .95 chance if you aim at horse, horse will eat you.
10. This .95 chance being eaten, combined with danger of leaving yourself open, makes aiming at horse very stupid.
11. Only Chuck Norris would aim at horse.
12. Chuck Norris does not lose cage joust.
13. This is strictly hypothetical - Chuck Norris would never bid for tulips. | | |
| On SundayI met the coolest assortment of people ever at a wedding that was movie themed. The Bride and Groom walked out to one of the songs from Star Wars. Michelle immediately piped up that our marriage would include the Imperial March.
People I met: - Martin Hawver. Even in a tux, he refuses to wear socks (you should see him during Legislative Session). He's gone from mortal hero, to superhero in my eyes.
- 2 Superdelegates. One of whom slapped me, poked me, and demanded a dance "after I finish my drink."
- Larry Gil. Well, actually I heard his name, looked at him, and hid. This story needs more. Let's note that I need to make another entry about being Larry Gil. We'll call it "You don't know Larry Gil 'til you run 13.1 miles in his shoes." Coming to a Facebook near you.
| | |
| Michigan UniversityIs where I'll call home in a couple months. I got in to the Master's Program there. Although my work record, resume, transcript, and GRE scores weren't particularly stellar, I still had one thing going for me: the application process afforded an opportunity to demonstrate my awesome writing skills. The question: Have you ever been arrested or otherwise placed on any academic or disciplinary probation. Please explain.
September of my freshman year there was a tornado warning and all of the dormitory residents were ushered into the boiler room of the basement. After being held for a little over two hours I became uncomfortable with the situation. While joking with some friends I told them I was able to realistically fake a seizure. They then asked me to demonstrate, and I obliged them. One of the RAs, unsure of what was happened, became upset once she realized I was joking. This led to a meeting with the Dean of Students and a semester of disciplinary probation. The initial response was to disallow my participation in student activities, but eventually it was decided that my already sizable involvement on campus was beneficial and would serve to keep me from trouble. This blemish aside, my career at Washburn has been extremely productive with no adverse action.
Everyone needs a hook, that little gem that separates an application from the morass of wannabes. It is my professional opinion that this is what set the stage for my affirmation of acceptance.
| | |
| Dave's Totally Awesome Guide to Running the Boston MarathonWay back when I decided to write a book. The idea failed. Last summer I thought it would be cool to write a book about my buildup to running in the Boston Marathon. It would be witty, but also include insightful. Clever quips interspersed with facts about training, nutrition, and other areas I have absolutely no expertise in. The title, 'Dave's Totally Awesome Guide to Running the Boston Marathon,' is a work-in-progress. Well, it was until I gave up. Laziness, illness, time constraints, and cold led to a decline/halt in training. Then I started running again. Then I dropped the ball on my registration, fucked it, and can't run now. Maybe I'll try to requalify again. Regardless, I wrote a few entries for the book. So without further ado, the first of few:
Disclaimer
Some of the advice in this book may not helpful in meeting your specific goals or needs. The rest will probably be detrimental. Ergo, it is suggested that the reader not follow any ideas or suggestions found within the following pages. It may even be the case that you will use this book as an example of what not to do. This being the case, I am still proud to have made a difference. It is understood that all liability is waved in the event of poor performance, tweaks, burns, wrong turns, or a severe addiction to running.
| | |
| Gay Marriage is the Devil!Recently read all of Huckabee's political beliefs, and I think that I've figured out America's Cuba policy. It's not that we hate freedom here - in fact we love it. It's just that we love the Miami-Cuban vote a whole lot more. In addition, kudos to Mike for making the best argument that the idea of gay marriage would lead to the destabilization of the institution of marriage. I'll break it down for you, and it goes like this:
1. More and more kids are being born out of wedlock.
2. Divorce rates over the past fifty years have gone way up.
3. Gays are evil.
4. Let's keep them from getting married in order to save the fine institution.
Let's forget for the moment that holistic sex ed that doesn't solely teach about abstinence is statistically the best way to ward off teen pregnancy, and that the option of divorce has helped get women out of really fucked up situations (cheating husbands, emotional and physical abuse, etc.). Those are arguments you're never going to win with a conservative. Let's move on to the next reality you're never going to convince a conservative of: Gay Marriage Is Not Responsible For The Breakup Of The 20th Century Family.
If you seriously read Huckabee's platform, it reads something like this:
Paragraph 1: I will fight for the passage of heterosexual marriage amendment.
P2: I got my own amendment passed in Arkansas, but Massachusetts adopted gay wmarriage. Mitt Romney loves gays. This means he's gay. Do you really want a gay in office? Do you!?
P3: A Catholic Cardinal once stated that once you allow for civil unions, marriage will no longer matter. (Because he holds a high position in the Catholic Church, he has a moral authority over you and you must believe everything he says. Even if he says things that you're pretty sure constitute molestation.) If we lose the value of marriage, the terrorists win (click here if you don't belief me, as Huckabee honestly states this.) Furthermore, we've seen more divorce and kids born out of wedlock. This leads to poverty and food stamps. Now, we all know that being poor is immoral. Ergo, gays and immoral and they shouldn't be allowed to wed.
P4: I love my wife, and albeit she's not, I would love her even if she was confined to a wheelchair. Because that's the sweet type of guy I am.
The secret to success is that
you don't actually attempt to convince anyone that
something that didn't happen is responsible for something else that did already happen.
Rather, you state that something that COULD happen is responsible for something that already happened.
It's a pretty tight argument. Almost as tight as the Titanic... post-iceberg.
| | |
|
