_1
see when you're mad, you don't miss people.
so if you stay mad, it's like you never knew them at all.
that way you don't feel sucky about them leaving you.
_2
tears are the words that lips
aren't strong enough to speak.
_3
he moved his hands to place them
on either side of my face, forcing me to meet his gaze.
he looked into my eyes for a long time.
i wondered what he was looking for,
& what it was that he found.
_4
when you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults.
you don't look for answers. you don't look for mistakes.
instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, overlook excuses.
the measure of love is when you love without measure.
there are rare chances that you'll meet the person you love & who loves you in return.
so once you have it, don't ever let go.
the chance might never come your way again.
_5
cute guys are amazing.
not the super sexy guys, who are too shallow even for themselves.
but the ones who are sort of clumsy, & dorky at times.
who are always sorta sweet.
they are the ones worth keeping.
_6
after the funeral, my grandfather hugged me.
& i'll never forget what he said.
he told me that he had just lost the love of his life,
the most important thing in the world to him,
& that it hurt like hell.
he said he probably wouldn't ever be the same.
but then he looked me straight in the eyes ;
he sadi that his time with her was something he would never trade,
that it was teh only thing worth living for.
he told me to find that.
he told me that once i had that, nothing else would be as important.
& he said once i found it, to cherish it & never let it go.
_7
before you i never knew true love.
i mean yeah, i fell in love, but something was always missing.
like how in all those books & movies, they said you just knew
when you met the one for you, & you just had this feeling.
i never had that feeling before you, so i searched & searched
& i started thinking it didn't exist. then you kissed me.
& then i fell in love with you. & suddenly, i knew what they were all talking about.
_8
the inability to open to hope is what blocks trust,
& blocked trust is teh reason for blighted dreams.
_9
but love, i've come to understand is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.
love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.
_10
life is a series of pulls back & forth.
you want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else.
something hurts for you, yet you know it shouldn't.
you take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.
a tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band.
& most of us live somewhere in the middle.
_11
anyone who can touch you can hurt you or heal you.
anyone who can reach you can love you or leave you.
so be gentle...
_12
you are every reason, every hope & every dream that i've ever had.
& no matter what happens to us in the future, every day i spent with you was the best day of my life.
_13
we've all been down that road before.
searching for that something more.
world's spinning round.
ther's no sign of slowing down.
so won't you take a breath?
just take a breath.
_14
you are new & near now to someone you used to love when you were young ;
when all was gold & you two touched & felt the flutter underneath your skin.
you stood in glowing rooms, the light dripping from both of you, & nothing since has felt as radiant or real.
_15
when you want something, something so true & pure,
something that deep in your heart you know it's worth risking,
then one must follow that path.
but like any other path, there are obstacles,
there are hardships, there will be sacrifices.
one has to constantly question this path is worth traveling
& hwo far along the path we must go.. the choice is ours.
_16
hold my hand & have a real conversation with me.
tell me something you trust only with a select few.
look me in the eyes & smile.
tell me what you really think of me,
not what you want to think.
give me a chance ; let yourself fall.
_17
but this wasn't true either.
i did hate it sometimes, for the lie that it was.
it was the ultimate out, admitting he'd only dissapoint me.
& didnt' that just make him so noble, really?
as if he was beating me t the punch,
his words living forever, while i was left speechless,
no rebuttal, no words left to say.
_18
i've always admitted that
i'm ruled by my passions.
_19
i've loved & lost ;
lost more than i've loved,
loved more than i could afford to lose & then lost it,
only to find true love.
i'm never letting this one go.
because certain people enter our lives at the most perculiar times ;
for the most beautiful reasons.
they seem to make such perfect impressions
while leaving behind an everlasting impact.
some of the best things in life appear when you least expect them.
things you can never forget.
_20
i haven't given up on you,
but you're slowly pushing me in that direction.
_21
no matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it,
eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not.
but here's the truth about the truth ; it hurts. so we lie.
_22
stay mad as long as you can.
because once you're not mad anymore, it hurts.
it hurts like hell & once it hurts that bad,
you can't make yourself mad anymore.
_23
time passes. even when it seems impossible.
even when each tick of the second hand ahces
like the pulse of blood behind a bruise.
it passes unevenly, in strange lurches & dragging lull,
but pass it does. even for me.
_24
she's the kind of girl pepole look at & say,
"i want to live my life like she lives hers."
_25
no matter what happens to me,
i'll always be with you.
forever.
_26
knowing is better than wondering,
waking is better than sleeping,
& even the biggest failure beats the hell out of never trying.
_27
you're missing what's right in front of you...
a girl that would give up everything just to be yours.
_28
i have learned now that while those who speak
about one's miseries usually hurt,
those who keep silent hurt more.
_29
sometimes you only forgive someone because you
can't stand not having them in your life.
_30
no matter how hard i try i can't hate you.
_31
anybody can make you smile or cry ;
but it takes somebody special to make
you smile when you already have tears in your eyes.
_32
but something is wrong with that smile today ;
congratulations kid, you got to her.
_33
the girl who seemed unbreakable ; broke.
the girl who seemed so strong ; crumbled.
the girl who always laughed ; broke down.
the girl who never stopped trying ; gave up.
_34
& i can't even count on my fingers how many people
have given me the better off without him speech.
still i don't understand how being like this is considred being better off.
do you know how much i think about you? every day.
or how much i miss you? all the time. i haven't thought of anything besides you.
if this is waht being better off is all about, then yea i've never been better.
_35
you can't just turn your heart off like a faucet ;
you have to go to the source & dry it out. drop by drop.
_36
don't make someone your everything,
because when they're gone you'll have nothing.
_37
but i'm still hoping that i'll be with you, somehow.
_38
being a strong person means knowing that in the end,
everythings going to be okay.
& if something is meant to be, then you have to know ;
no matter what, it'll find a way.
_39
i try to make my way to you, but still i feel so lost.
i don't knowo what else i can do.
i've seen it all & it's never enough.
it keeps leaving me needing you.
take me away, i've got nothing left to say.
_40
faith does not require understanding.
most of us don't know how the respiratory system works,
yet we still breathe in & out.
most of us have no idea what is going on underneath the hood of our cars,
yet we still drive to work every morning.
most of don't have the slightest clue how the internet works,
but we rely on it everyday to get work done.
in everything we do, life requires a little bit of faith.
_41
nothing in life happens to me, it happens for me.
i am not defined by my past, i am prepared by it.
go wouldn't have allowed me to go through it
if he didn't have a purpose for it.
life is too short to have a victim mentality.
say to yourself, "i'm not gonna get bitter, i'm gonna get better"
_42
we don't get unlimited chances to have the things we want.
& this is know.
nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.
_43
i used to believe in a lot more.
now, i just see straight ahead.
that's not to say i don't have good times.
but as for my days, i spend them waiting...
_44
i couldn't believe my eyes when i woke up this morning.
i looked at the sidewalk & there was a million people
dressed all the same who answered their cell phones
at the same time & popped a pill for the same disorder.
can't be fat, no we can't have that.
we're so far gone, don't you see that we're so far gone?
_45
it's illogical & it's outrageous ;
the way i let you keep me hanging on.
your character is that contagious.
i know i should have thought before i had done.
i've gone & let my impulse be my guide ;
& on that note i'll be defenseless for some time.
_46
forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around.
it's like a piece of me is missing.
i could have learned so much from you, but what's left now?
_47
& i've cried & you would think i would be better for it,
but the sadness just sleeps & it stays in your spine for the rest of your life.
i've learned & you'd think i'd be something more now but
it's just goes to show it is not what you know it's what you're thinking at the time.
_48
besides, i'd rather forget the days we spent than
try to stay afloat in shallow water.
_49
you turned to me & said,
"i'll be going through withdrawal of you for this one night we have spent."
& i want to speak these words but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
& accept "someday, somehow" as the words that we'll hang from.
_50
a clean break is easier.
you can reset it & it heals & then you move on.
but if you leave things messy or things don't get put right,
then it just hurts ; forever.
_51
when the one you love is killing you, it leaves you no options.
how do you run, how do you fight?
_52
& maybe someday we will meet.
& maybe talk & not just speak.
don't buy the promises cause
there are no promises i keep,
& my reflection troubles me.
so here i go.
_53
try to pretend that i never knew your name,
because everything you are disgusts me.
too bad i can't turn back time, so i wouldn't be here.
what i'd give for you to disappear.
_54
i've been swallowed by this wreck that you call your life.
i'm damaged from the inside. i've been broken.
don't threaten me with what you think i feel.
if you could read my mind you'd be in tears.
i'm sick of yoru excuses you hold me above.
_55
the look on your face could light up a room,
but instead you left.
_56
case closed.
i'm not here anymore,
& i'm not scared anymore.
the way you walked away,
i could tell you weren't afraid
to do the things you had to do.
even though i meant so much to you.
_57
i feel alone in a world full of strangers & i can't sit still.
this year has gone by & i haven't moved & i haven't said anything.
the words can't find a way to leave my lips, or leave me alone.
_58
predictable & alone for the long run.
you shoudl be thankful that i'm getting on a train
that's heading straight out of your life again.
maybe i'm the champion of being alone.
_59
please believe me when i say that i've tried but you leave me no other way ;
i can't stand to see that look in your eye & the way i'd feel if i would stay.
i feel like falling down.
_60
our candle burns away, the ashes full of lies.
i gave my soul to you, you cut me from behind.
nowhere to run & nowhere to hide.
you're scared of teh truth, i'm tired of the lies.
_61
you said you were there for me, you wouldn't let me fall.
all the times i shared with you, were you even there at all?
_62
what you are doing is screwing things up inside my head.
you should know better, you never listened to a word i said.
_63
you & i got lost along the way, but this will end someday, someway.
& if you don't find me at al, then i won't care.
if i could fine a place for the holiday, maybe i could call.
you're a pay phone away from the mess that i've become.
_64
i think of all the times you make me want to leave this,
but i think of all the times that i just can't.
you've made me realize that i would rather be with you
than anything else.
_65
maybe sometimes you have to stop waiting for someone to come along
& fix what's wrong maybe you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself
& realize that no on else has the answer.
sometimes you have to be your own hero.
_66
don't give up on me yet.
don't forget who i am.
i know i'm not there yet,
but don't let me stay here alone.
this time all i want is you.
there is no one else
who can take your place.
_67
it's mind numbing to think of yesterday.
i'd run to you know if i could,
but things have changed.
_68
it brings out the worst in me when you're not around.
i miss the sound of your voice, the silence seems so loud.
cause there's no one else since i found you.
_69
lately i've been hoping you can stay with me,
& i could hold you close til' the end of time, yeah.
maybe someday we will grab some change & run away,
but for now i'll learn to say goodbye.
_70
i'm screaming can you hear?
or is this the end of everything i loved?
are we destined for more?
why can't you look me in the eyes,
& tell me what you want to.
i knwo you want to so bad.
but i've seen this all before.
things shouldn't have gone this far.
we shouldn't have gotten so close.
what made me believe?
it was you who made me forget all that i've known,
everytime i looked into your eyes.
& it was me who decided to give up my heart & run away.
today is gone, tomorrow is mine, but i'm still alone.
_71
if he loves you, he won't hurt you.
remember that.
_72
love is a funny thing. you expect it to be easy.
you expect it to be a world of roses & laughs,
& perfect moments that you find only in movies.
you expect him to always say the right thing,
& always know how you feel, or exaclty how to react.
you expect him to calm you down when you're yelling,
or to chase you when you run away.
you expect so much that you feel entirely & utterly
defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with your plans.
but that's the thing. love isn't a plan.
it doesn't have a certain beginning & it certainly
has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.
love happens ; & it is so incredibly messy.
people around you can't comprehend why you do
the things you do, or why you fight so hard for
something that seems to cause you so much pain,
because simply, they can't see.
they can't see the invisble ring of insanity that surronds
you when your'e in love. it's inconcenient & painful
& devastating at times, but we can't live without it.
we can't breathe the same way or function quite right
without it. see, that's the thing about love. you hold it up
to all these images you've learned to attach to the word
"love" since you were little. we learn so many things
about love before we are even capable of falling.
don't rush in. keep steady. prince charming will fix
everything. what you don't learn is how hard love is.
how much work it takes. how much of ourslves we
have to put into it. how it isn't worth it until wer are
complete & utter idiots about it. don't rush in? i
practically dove in with my eyes closed ; fully aware
that i had drowned before. "love is a battlefield"
never really made sense because it is contrary to
everything we have been taught to believe how "love"
is supposed to be. but it is so entirely different. love
isn't him calming you down when you yell. it's him
yelling just as loud, just as hard, right back at you,
right in your face to wake you up & keep you grounded.
it isn't him bringing you roses everyday or pretty things
that make your relationship appear more presentable.
it's after a long fight, that drains the life & bones right
out of you both, & yet him showing up at your door the
next morning anyway. it's not him saying all the right
things or knowing exactly how to handle you. we are
human beings. we don't handle one another, & we
can't be handled. we are mutable creatures that need
something different everyday. need something more
or less to keep us going, to keep us believing that it's
not all for nothing. so no, it's not him caressing your
hair & telling you everything is going to be all right. it's
him standing there, admitting he's just as scared as you
are. you have to remember that with love, you're not
the only one involved. you've unknowingly put your life
your heart into the palms of another persons hands &
said here, do what you will, mash it into mince meat,
or forget i ever handed it to you. as long as you have it.
that's the thing about love. it makes us crazy. it makes
reality invisible & it erases all the lines that we shouldn't
cross. because love isn't about fencing ourselves in ;
feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it's about
scaring teh shit out of every nerve in our body, but
pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting &
all the tears & all the uncertanty is worth it. & it's a hell
of a lot better than being 100% happy without
someone to show us that there is a world of a difference
between being "happy" & feeling whole.
_73
i don't really want stay, you know.
but i don't really wanna go.
_74
love is like standing on we cement ;
the longer you stay the harder it is to leave,
& you can never let go without leaving your footprints behind.
_75
it hurts to be around you, when i see you, even from across the room.
it brings up a thousand memories.
not just of us but of my entire life before.
it's like i'm frozen in this place that i can't seem to bear to be.
i care about you so much.
as long as i can remember, everything's always come back to you.
i mean even no matter what was happening between us,
even the thought of you is just a constant comfort, but i can't go back. it just hurts.
_76
it's better to have nobody
than somebody who is half there
or doesn't want to be there.
_77
i'm learning that sometimes, even when you love someone
more than you thought possible, you have to let go of them.
it stings like hell, but it's life.
letting go to become who you're destined to be.
freeing yourself from the people who just don't fit
into your plans anymore, it's all about letting go.
the key is to take it day by day, moment by moment.
& eventually when you reach that place, that happiness,
that you've been waiting for forever ;
letting go was the right thing to do.
_78
& if it's healthier to leave you be,
may a sickness come & set me free.
kill me while i still believe that you were meant for me.
_79
when all your thoughts revolve around him
& he's the one you feel happiest with,
there's just something about him you don't
see in other guys & when you're not with him,
the only place you want to be is in his arms ;;
that's when you knwo it's real.
_80
cause i'm barely breathing & i can't find the air.
dont' knwo who i'm kidding imagining you care.
& i could stand here waiting a fool for another day.
i don't suppose it's worth the price
the price that i would pay..
but i'm thinking it over anyway.
_81
i miss you, i do. i love you.
everyday i wake up & have this ache in my chest.
& sometimes i just sleep in because
i know when i wake up you're not gonna be there.
_82
& all of a sudden, BAM, you're in high school.
everyon'es partying, drinking, fighting, gossping, experimenting, & god knows what else.
it makes you wonder where the little kids you knew went to.
_83
she took down all her old pictures, & now her wall is empty.
it's not that she's ready to forget everything in the past..
she's just realizing it's time to move on.
she's not going to replace the memories,
but she's going to make new ones, better ones.
_84
the thing about you is -- you're fun.
you make me laugh, & you make me feel more alive.
okay, you make me a little crazy sometimes,
but there are these moments in my mind, crystal-clear
images of you & me & how we fit together &
it all makes such perfect sense & i know what i want,
i want time with you.
_85
don't re-think things. because usually,
your first thought is what you realllly
want to do. so just follow it through.
_86
worrying is a waste of time.
it doesn't change anything,
it just messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
_87
i cannot help it ; i couldn't stop it if i tried.
the same old heart beat fills the emptiness i have inside.
& i've heard that you can't fight love, so i won't complain.
cause why would i stop the fire that keeps me going on.
cause when there's you, i feel whole.
& there's no better feeling in the world.
but without you, i'm alone.
& i'd rather be in love, with you...
_88
i know you had to go away ;
i died just a little & i feel that now.
you're the one i need.
i believe that i would cry just a little
just to have you back now here with me.
_89
there's not a minute that goes by,
every hour of every day.
you're such a part of me but i just pulled away.
well i'm not the same girl you used to know.
i wish i said the words i never showed.
_90
six weeks went by ;
still pretending that i'm fine.
it was you & i holding back what's on our minds.
_91
drive away, go against fate.
you screwed me over like always.
_92
i want you,
but i'm not giving in this time.
_93
i used to hold you like it's all i had.
now begins the falling out, we are like a passing fad.
_94
this is our last goodbye.
i hate to feel the love between us die,
but it's over.
just hear this & then i'll go ;
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know.
this is our last embrace ;
must i dream & always see your face.
why can't we overcome this wall?
well maybe it's just because i didn't know you at all.
_95
take a deep breath & a good look around.
put on my pj's & hop into bed.
i'm half alive but i feel mostly dead.
i try & tell myself it'll be all right.
i just shouldn't think anymore tonight.
_96
you can't disguise a heart while it's breaking.
you hide behind the smile you're faking.
it's all about the chance you're taking.
_97
now here i sit, so far away ;
remembering all our memories.
it's times like thse that i miss you most.
remembering when we were so close.
_98
goodbye is the hardest thing to say,
because you have to walk away.
all that's left are the memories,
& the memories just fade away.
_99
maybe our old wounds teach us something.
they remind us where we've been & what we've overcome.
they teach us lessons abotu what to avoid in the future.
that's what we like to think, but that's not the way it is, is it?
some things we just have to learn over & over & over again.
