well, here i am in atlanta. i've been here since saturday and i still have a week until i make the long drive back home with my dad and brother. i left a lot of things uncertain when i left, an unfinished conversation that got me thinking more about my life and its state lately and a lot of things swirling around in my head that i actually have time to sort through. first thing is first, camp was incredible, but hard for me this year for multiple reasons. this past year has been nothing short of life-changing, but its left me with a lot of unanswered questions. while at camp i mostly stuck to myself, often was found sitting alone not really wanting to talk to many people and didn't connect as easily with others as is customary for me at camp. while most would see this as a bad thing i realize now (and did then) that it was necessary. i realized quite a few things in my quest for answers and clarity and i'm going to share them. mostly for my benefit though so i can read back over this from time to time. 1. i cannot change the way things have happened in my life as of late (in regards to a situation that i'll skip the specifics on) and the other person involved cannot either. these are the cards we are dealt right now and we just have to take it, as hard and sucky as it is. 2. focusing on said situation is not the way my head should be. i should be focused on God alone and how i will serve Him aside from my own personal issues i'm dealing with (ie. job, living situation, etc). 3. the best way to snap out of my rut is to get back on the horse. i fell off a while ago and didn't ever hop back on i just lazily held the reigns and walked along side. 4. i have been incredibly unhappy lately and, no, i don't know why, but i'm guessing a lot of it has to do with all the uncertainties in my life. there are so many and with so many it is really hard to be excited about anything because i'm always worried about where i'll go next. the bottom line is, i need to trust God a whole heck of a lot more than i do right now because i basically suck at it. i need to stop doubting that He'll be there to catch me and just take that leap of faith and jump all in. God will not let me fail and if so, there is a reason for it and i believe in that completely. 5. i love you and if that means having to let go for a while then so be it. we both have things swirling around us and no sense can be made. without sense i find it really hard to even consider anything else. (i'm being vague and i like it that way.) ------------------------------------------------------------------ secondly, i have been reading a wonderful little book that people have been telling me to read for a year now, but i ignored them. now that i've been reading it its really validated my feelings on the church, my role in the church and how i can really effectively be used as a minister and a lover of God's. its called the irresistable revolution and you should check it out if you haven't already because even if you don't consider yourself an "ordinary radical," you can still read it to figure out why it is we think the way we do (i'm going to get a copy for my dad i think...). ------------------------------------------------------------------ thirdly, i am going back to school. its scary because i don't have any idea how the heck i'll pay for it, but i want to do this and i will do this. i'm scared...really scared, but i just have to trust Him that it is going to work out. ------------------------------------------------------------------ fourthly, elena and i are going to start our own business in a year or so if all goes according to plan. sure, me being in school could make it challenging, but we are going to do this because we are kindred spirits and its crazy how alike we think on the whole thing (and basically everything else). you may all think i'm a little crazy (you're probably right), but i don't care and she doesn't either. if you would like to join our artist revolution, please let us know. | 
