Well i think its time to update, its been about two months

Now for a depressing story of my life, if you are likly to suffer from depression i sugesst not reading, unless of course you are wanting to get depressing which in that case skip this paragraph and continue reading, but if not wanting to get depressed i sugesst quickly changing website, and go find someone that has a nice pink background, im sure ull be much more interested in what they have to say then this depressing story of my current life, which most of these events have been an underlying problem but have all erupted, like a volcano, in this past week or two, just as a volcano had deadly lava, this site has very deadly and depressing contense, i would here normally say "happy reading" but it is quite the contrary, so as habbit and anti-history goes

enjoy the depressing reading

so much has happended, but so little of it has been meaningful, or set in to what the actual conciquences are, like i havnt been bad, ive just sorta disapeared, but not really,

see i go to a christian school, which unlike tcis most everyone is a christian, n of course im in the group where the people really havnt done anything 'bad' and so they wouldnt really talk to me if they knew what was going on in my head half the time, so half the time im not really me, im like this perfect talia or somthing, like im the stereotypic christian girl, no voice i kinda just stand there.

and the worst thing is that im in a philosophy class, n i have two of my 'friends' in the class with me n they both are very opinionated, and we had this assignment/test thing and i had a completly different answer to them, and they were like "YOUR WRONG!!" becuase i didnt believe what they did, and so they tried to convince me that i was wrong and that they were right, this went on for 30-45mins, and me not wanting to blow up at them ended up walking away, cus it was going no where, like id love to do philosophy, it sounds great but this school is just crap,

and the even worse thing is that im not mentally feeling so happy, like on the outside im always happy and cheerful happy to help, and all that, which normally i am, but inside, when im alone with a minute to think for myself, i just feel useless, depressed, suicidal, worthless, pointless and meaningless, which i know that most of these things im not and wouldnt act on many of the things, but i guess im just second guessing myself

another thing to add to this pile of crap is my father, he is being the worst (tries to think of non-swear words that will describe him) well he is just being really horrable and a pain in the butt! which that doesnt even explain it, like he blames everything on me, cracks it (gets reallllllllly upset) at anything (and of course thats my fault too) he complains about having to cook dinner once, when i do it 3-4 times a week, he left me at school becuase i took 10 mins to get from when class ended to the car, which i was held late, and had to get somthing from a different part of the school which took even longer, and he just cracks it and so i crack it back, but then a lil bit later i say sorry for cracking it, and he is like " Sorry isnt good enough" well wtf is good enough, NOTHING, nothing is ever good enough for him, i got all A's and B's which here a C is average n theres only like 3-5 ppl that get As and hes like, "you did well in a few classes" SCREW YOU, not you the reader of course my father i am refering to :P, but no he is being a real asshole to me

well if you havnt already changed website, then i congradulate you in sucessfully committing suicide, or you will soon be, i dont think i can even read this without wanting to kill myself, because of the content, the stupid rantings of me, how BORING

i think i love you

Talia

scilent or the real me