things that have happened since 2006:

-decided i didnt believe in God

- graduated as a surgeons assistant.

-assisted in many-a surgeries.

-found out i love doing surgery...or assisting i guess :)

-studied many-a religion.

- decided I DO believe in God and His Son Jesus Christ who I am eternally thankful for for taking me back after foolishly allowing myself to abandon his love

-lost my brother to alcohol poisoning.

-hated alcohol and the person who made it legal

-been drunk

-realized most everything in moderation (again)

-Hated God for taking Him

-realizied I dont know whats best

-thanked God for providing a way for me to see my brother again

-and for allowing this if it is for his good purpose (that one was hard)

-been absolved by grief

-stayed in the hospital with my eddie while he had skin grafts for his burned hand

-learned this life is not about me

-moved BACK into a dorm room

-learned to live with grief on a daily basis

-said goodbye to old friends.

-hello to new ones.

-accepted this as a part of life.

-married my love in the eyes of my God.

- learned to love like i never knew i could

-learned i could be loved like i never knew possible--both by God and my husband

-moved...again

-shaken a lot of pride

-learned more than i have in all of my life.

20-22, I HATE, and love you.

so here's to more learning. more challenges. more trials. more accomplishments. more dying to self. more Him than me. 

for old times sake....

<3 m

start school monday.

maybe i wont get sick this time around and have to drop the class....and $400.

its been a while, busy busy busy.

listening to:://Alanis Morisette: Jagged Little Pill. 2:30am

do you ever get the feeling that everything finally makes sense? like you see yourself in a way you havent in years. its a good thing, i think. ive been such a different person the past few years, paying too much attention to self confict and not listening to my heart. for the first time in years i remember what it feels like to be happy and even if it is just tonight it is worth every second.

i watched the squid and the whale tonight, and it reminded me a lot of my family. it kind of brought some closure to my resentment towards mine and allowed me to realize its not the only one, i mean to actually visualize it. even if it was just a movie.

i cant believe how much i have pushed/push people away anymore, ive become numb like the people i used to feel sorry for. but im opening up...i feel like to get the full effect i need to move to the ocean and make all new friends and a new life, but i know thats probably me simply trying to make things easier all the while deceieving myself. it seems easier to start over. brand new.

im coming back. breaking through. i let you be..so let me flourish

from the heart for the first in the dead of the frost. the sun is out.

i felt pure tonight. its a wonderful feeling

<3 m

so, its been a while...

wuts been goin on..

 i dont go to school...got the flu and had to drop the pct course...that was some pretty crappy 3 days.

working 6 days a week now...booooring

but since no school i just do whatever when im not at work...so much hang out time, its gonna be hard to break away going back to school but thats not for months so right now i be livin it up ;)

went to the coldplay/fiona concert with my old roomie...pretty much dont expect it to be anything less than undescribable.  

and... pics for kicks

mandii is stoked, and im just retarded (as usual)

lucky view.

random picture of the big ass bird outside my apt. half city/half forest

thats all.

-m. <3

 my brother and i...im the cute one :)

life is interesting. one day im a wreck, the next things are completely serine. o well, i guess the days im a mess i suppose i have something to look forward to.

tonight kara and i are having a conference with smirnoff and absolut... much has been accomplished ;)

like the first post in almost a month.

best news ever: i get to observe surgeons cutting people open as a part of training for school. bring on the rotting flesh and blood! ha i love it, mmm i just hope i dont pass out...it will be all good til i smell the burning flesh..sick.

in other news... life is still pretty sureal, im still trying to live in the moment but having a hard time because i so anticipate the future, but i suppose there could be no future beyond this moment right now, difficult to remember.

love to all.

p.s. mmm i miss jesus. relate or not, dont care.

-m