| | There's usually a reason that I start writing in my jazanga again. This time is no different.
Am I naive? I feel like I am. I mean, I must be. People walk all over me, and in my opinion, abuse the friendship I give them. Multiple times this has happened to me, in similar ways. It just makes it harder to trust people. I wanna be there for them and be able to let people use me in a sense, but I feel like that gets taken advantage of. If you must make me look like the bad guy in order to convince your girlfriend that I'm just a friend, that's fineeeee but please don't lie about it, it's really not a big deal. Fess up to it so I don't hear it from her 2 weeks later when she decides to be pissed and drag me into your drama. Also, don't lie to my face when I ask you about it. It's really just easiest if you tell me that you had to do it and that I shouldn't take it personally. Don't try and make me feel like it's my fault PLEASE. There's few things worse than thinking you have a nice friendship with someone, and then hearing things you have trouble believing are true. Did you really say that about me - more importantly, did you mean it? I deserve to know, because if you meant it then why the fuck are we still pretending to be "friends"? Ugh, I don't want to be in the middle of things. If I need to back off, I wish I could just be told. I'm no good at making that decision on my own, because I hate ending things. I hate change as far as relationships go. Especially, when it's my choice ... I just wish I could feel that connection with someone and not have to experience the above situation. And why can't people just tell each other how they really feel? I hate fake people, really. What's the point? Why act like you like someone when you don't? Are you getting anything out of that relationship?
I don't feel like I really know what I want. I think I know ... but I know I have no idea what will truly make me happy. That's not anything I want or need to be thinking about at the moment ... I can't sleep.
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| | Posted 12/4/2007 3:50 AM - 4 views - 0 comments
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