i hear wedding bells

thinking big

you know it really hurts to see someones parents struggle financially
especially if they are your own parents
having to see them work extra hours than they need to
tired all the time
stressing out most of the time
and little problems pop up every now and then
and there isn't any time for them to really relax

i just want to help
eventhough i know my job is to attend school
i still want to play a part
so i guess my options are to do the work study
maybe even get a job
but i honestly need to play my job

my brother is a dick. needs to get his shit together.

recovering

hahah soo we went clubbing last night
very spontaneous and fun
right now i am TIRED
it feels like a blah day again... BLAH
hahahah hokay so last night...
totally knew that something was gonna happen with so-and-so and mickey lol
hes a cutie... i think they would work...just too bad he has this "baggage"
that sounds a bit crazy as a matter of fact
so yeah anyways... we went to the club... it was an 1hr 20min drive haahbut i think we made it on good timing
on the way there... we drank the smirnoff vodka
hella buzzing... but it faded away before we got in
i couldn't drink anymore... it was makin me want to throw up
lol i can't really tolerate it anymore ahhaah
but jahs... we were one of the first to get there
and at first it was pretty DEAD
but people started  dancing soon enough
i wished more of our friends came... so i couldve danced with someone
i ended being like the third wheel kinda and josh was off enjoyin his single life while he still could
and later on i ended up being stuck by myself! i couldnt find anyone except josh who was dancing with some girl
so i was lookin around and sitting by myself for a good 15 mins
its all good though...... i wished angelo was there =[ mmm whatevers
i didn't really dance with any guys... basically just josh and mickey... and josh's boss? who was a promoter
he was cute... but he randomly popped outta no where...
he was tryin to talk to me but i couldn't hear him... so he asked for my number...
and i didn't know what to do... so i jus did it...
i told angelo later when i got home =/
i could tell he didn't like the idea... but i mean... shoot if it was me in his place... i wouldn't either
i assured him he wouldn't call... just cuz alotta guys front like that
but yeah... even though i could tell it bothered him... i felt like i had to tell him
cuz i rather tell him and have him get mad at me or whatever than just not tell him at all
because at least im being honest... and i know he would want to know something like that
anyways... soo the rest of the night was kinda ehhh...
i was pretty tired... and my feet were hurtin cuz stupid me wore heels LOL
BUT EWW josh wouldnt stop dancing on me or with me
i just felt like dancing by myself most of the time... and he kept tryin to get closer to me
so i just stepped back alot... and told him "HEY LOOK AT THOSE TOO.. or DANCE WITH HER"
blah he was a lil whore last night which was bad cuz he has a girl... tsk tsk... he says theyre not official
but they basically agreed that they would "soon" be official... which makes them exclusively dating hahaha
anywhos... that boy was rollin... so explains his weirdness a bit... he literally had no control of his hips...
even when he was sitting... they were moving
but yeah... the night couldve been better

today i woke up around 8:45 cuz i had practice for steffy's debut at vista high
unfortunately i couldn't get on =[ boo-ness
i eventually went back to sleep until i woke up at 12
cuz i had a lunch get together with Dat at 1
we went to teri's... i felt bad that i wasn't much of a talker =[ cuz i was soo dead from last night
but i told him we would hang out again lol
so he dropped me back home
i called my babe again =]
then fell asleep soon after... sigh i can't wait to get back to san jose

there is definately not much to do around here anymore... the excitement pretty much dead out
mmm theres a party on sat. idk if i feel like partying =/ hahah wowz
i just really feel like bein with my san jose friends and stuff
and figuring out my career and stuff... i need to be more resourceful

anyways stuff to do before i leave! again...
[ ]beach
[ ]crush some coins on the railroad tracks
[ ]buy something for angelo?
[ ]have an end of break dinner
[ ]catch up with friends... for sure this comin week!
[ ]disneyland! YAY
[ ] other... idk yet haha

okay people to talk to still...
kierstin, jodi, enjoli, joi, trina, lisa, colleen, travis, brandon?, and.... dunno

so what-is-his-name-number-1 and what-is-his-name-number-2... are tryin to talk to me again... and i don't think they get the hint... im not very good at tellin people to leave me alone =/ so i kinda just make small talk and give answers of uninterest... soo idk why its not working =[... i should just randomly mention angelo hahaha that should work for sure =]

hmm friday night... what to do? i think imma chill at home

laters. 

waah

every day is the same kinda... im startin a new routine hahah

-drop off mom 6 in the morning
-think about callin angelo... but eventually fall back asleep before makin the call
-wake up around 11 ish
-shower, brush teeth, wash face, eat...
-do whatever errands
-drop off dad and pick up mom at 2:30
-home...

do nothing for the longest time until night time to hang out with friends or clean my room or something

but yeah last night was pretty chill...

i got my haircut yesterday! i didn't like the way the girl did it... but o wells...
she basically just made my hair look shorter... she didn't put new layers like i wanted
i pretty much look the same but with a shorter length... i kinda wanted to look a bit a diff
anywho... after my cut allen and steph picked me up and we headed down south
we went to eat at chili's down by state
stopped by to say hi to stephanies roomie kimi... shes pretty cool! i like her... soo tall haha
then we finally picked up Giselle... we were suppose to visit Chanh... but he called late and allen was already on the 15
=[[[ kuwawa
i haven't seen that kid in sooooooo freaking long... not since thanksgiving
ill try and see him before i leave... anywho
sojahhhh we headed back to oceanside... we got boba! in san marcos hahaha i haven't had any from there in HELLA
grabbed my car then went to marckos... we watched a little bit of heartbreak kid and took some pictures and chilled
then we went to joshs house ... hookah... wasn't good =[ i didn't like it... flavor was weird and it was kinda harsh
but yeah i eventually had to leave early to pick up my dad at 11

basically it. it was pretty fun though... just chillin and stuff.. better than being at home !!!

i want chicken hmmmm

Contemplating

im pretty sad... about this thing im contemplating
im not gonna lie... it hurts my heart a bit
as much as i would love for him to come and visit me...
i don't think its the right time right now
big sigh... too much going on with my family right now
that his welcoming wouldn't really be that welcoming...
if only everybody could come down =[ it wouldn't be that bad
because there would be more people at least to mask the feeling
i really wanted him to be here sooo bad
just because i don't have much going on right now
i just feel like i need some friendly faces from san jose
and some love
and warmth...
and that happy heart feeling
gahh... its okay if he doesn't come =[
his parents are already being iffy about it now that there are less people
i guess i agree with them =/
there is always the next time...
which might be after school during summer
its all good because it would be better around that time
sigh... i guess another week... its hokay
Okay? ok... kuwawa

why do i have this feeling like i wanna cry?
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

goodnight.