so uh.. imma pretty much have the house to myself from this this friday til next saturday.. HAHA!!

what will i do??? ehh.. hehe

yeah i wud think that its pretty sweet.

so i did sumthing pretty stupid today.. prolly the dumbest thing i've done all summer..

im watchin tv at brian's.. and we see this commercial.. its this burger and OMG.. it looked so friggin good.. we were so stuck on it.. but forgot what the restaurant was called.. so we immediately looked it up on the internet.. so its called Ruby's Tuesdays..  but its in woodland.. and we're like.. hrmm.. nothin better to do!!  so its lil more than an hr drive and yeah.. we went jus to eat there cuz of that commercial!! and OMG THE FOOD IS HELLA GOOD!!  cheesin' rice!!  me and brian cut our burgers in half to exchange.. mine was bison (buffalo) burger and his was a burger wit shrimp..  he friggin looked like he had an orgasm when he ate his burger..  friggin good food man.. worth the trip..

hot damn.. summer's great. =D

second week of summer.. its been kinda lame.. but.. the chill kind of lame hehe.  im still kinda waiting for it to hit off.. i already work at holiday park as a lifeguard.  i should be starting swim lessons for them within the coming weeks.  then i got hired at in-shape as a lifeguard.. and might be doin swim lessons for them.  then im waiting on my copeland's app. 

hope every1 is havin a coo summer..  i still have to get around to my annual tradition of callin every1 who left a # in my yrbk teehee.

"bed frames make beds harder.." haha this person makes me laugh. =D

deng so highskoo is over.. feels like i have so much unfinished business left.  so many things i feel that i didn't take care of.. or i haven't done enough.  feel like i should still be at school tomorrow.. go to history.. to chat and hang out.. like we did everyday.. conversating.. making fun of stupid seniors.. or like i need to go walk down the hall wit kristine, kaunou, and nicole goin to third jus one last time.. maybe its that i have to go to potter's class and make an entrance by yelling  hi at her like i always did.  or i gotta hear knudson's weekend farewell.. "no sex, drugs, or booze" one last time.  and theres still a few faces that im prolly missing which didn't get captured on my cam and many many signatures which didn't get in my yrbk.  but.. its over.

then i feel like i gotta do this and that.. say bye to the remaining ppl who will flash outta my life.  i haven't to many.  and i did to some.. and its weird cuz, its not like small lil stockton.. where u run into ppl all the friggin time.. even if u dun want to.  even all the ppl you felt insignificant to yourself.. perhaps you meant a lot to them in sum small way.. and you didn't know.  and you jus left.  once im gone.. i'd prolly blow my brain's out if i found sum1 that i knew in SD.

i think.. mentally, the thought of it might drive me insane.  its like last yr.. when skoo got out.. i told brian that i was goin crazy cuz i'd been used to always having sumthing to do.. and when i didn't have anything to do.. i didn't feel rite..  its jus like that.. but on a different scale.. i've longed for so long to not have to look back.. but even tho im finished.. i cant help but turn around to look at the areas which i wish i need to.. or could have fullfilled. 

i know that i've told ppl now that "highschool was all jus a bad dream".. but ever had a bad dream and u wanted to fix it somehow?  dammnit.. i jus gotta let it go.  i remember freshmen yr.. after my first football season.. after the last game.. i woke up the next day.. in pain.. from all the beatings i took that season.. it came to haunt me all in the next morning.  now.. im afraid of all the things in highskoo.. all the ppl that i've wronged, all the deeds committees wit the wrong intentions, the bridges i let burned, the grades i let down, the bad decisions that i've made.. im afraid thats its gonna haunt me after this is all over.

damn.. i've gotta stop thinking.. its making it worse.. jus gotta let myself cool.. zone out a lil bit.. take a different perspective.. *phew*

jus gotta breathe, stretch, shake, and let it go....

(pure thoughts.. uneditted)  but dun trip.. hakuna matata.. i'll get over it eventually.

mmm.. back to xanga.. deng.. skoo's almost out.. bout 2 weeks left and im gone.. good riddance!  thinkin back to junior yr.. what a rough year it was.. soo many things goin on for me then.. so much struggle.. i remember marking my planner counting down the weeks and days til the end of skoo.  and this yr.. b4 i know it.. theres jus 2 weeks left.  lookin back to this year.. most of it has been a blurr.. moving around.. dealing wit skoo and issues.. and jus dealin wit myself.. runnin around all the time.. not goin home.. feeling as if i grew up a bit too quickly.. its a blurr now..

i dunno how i would rate my senior year.. the beginning of senior year was good for about a few weeks then it was total shit.. then moved to wallace for a few weeks.. then moved back to stockton.. a lot of fun things in april.. but even prom.. which i had looked forward to for so long seemed like it was months ago.  and ever since the IB exams.. which i didn't study for at all.. i've been sleeping so much.. i dunno if its good or bad.. 

i feel so numb.. need my summer to color it all again.